“A Man Like That. Where In The Hell Did You Meet A Man Like That?”

So once upon a time, a million years ago (okay, three and a half), I had an awesome birthday party where my friends and I watched The Room. Janet and Courtney, two of my Twin Peaks Club buddies, were in attendance. A few weeks later at TPC, Janet and Courtney were talking about the movie.

“What is that?” asked a tall, quiet guy sitting across the room from me.

I launched into a breathless, hyper description of The Room. Justin told me later that that’s when he started falling for me.

Months later, after we had talked more at TPC, TV Time and other Squid stuff, he organized a covert Room screening at Webster University. We went to a bar for drinks afterward, and he asked me on a date.

Exactly three years later, we went to the Tivoli to meet the writer/director/producer/star himself, Tommy Wiseau!

He brought along his co-star Greg Sestero, and they showed up an hour early to sign autographs. We would have been first in line, but we were like an hour early and left to go get Froyo. We were probably 15th.

Tommy and Greg were AMAZING. They spent at least 5 minutes with everyone who came. We weren’t sure we would be able to do this, but: Justin told them how we met, and we invited them to the wedding!

Greg (who was intimidatingly handsome) seemed genuinely touched and said, “You guys are going to have laughter for your whole lives together.”

And Tommy? Well, Tommy was beside himself, but I think he’s kind of always like that. He told us that he would invite us onstage for the Q&A. Justin and I figured that the whole process was such a whirlwind that he wouldn’t remember. He was still amazing, though. He kept taking things out of our hands to sign, including a DVD, a stuffed dog and the program Justin made for that original screening.

Tommy: Happy …
Justin: Wedding?
Tommy: Nah, that’s cheap.

He ended up writing, “To Justin and Stephanie, Happy life. Love Tommy. P.S. Be good to each other.”

The pug in the tuxedo was a brilliant thing to start selling at Room screenings. It even talks! Appropriately enough, our place in line was in front of the flower shop at the Tivoli.

Tommy was late to the screening because he wanted to spend time with everyone in line. But he finally showed up. Before the Q&A, he told everyone in tuxedos and red dresses to come up front. They played football with a plastic water bottle for prizes. (It makes sense, I promise.) All the people were lined up for questions, too. So we assumed that he forgot. And then:

“Oh, before we begin, I wanted to invite up a beautiful girl, a beautiful couple with a beautiful story. See, I am an actor, I remember things …”

I handed my camera to the guy behind me (after an hour in line, you make friends with people) and we went up front.

“This is a wonderful story; who would like to tell it?” Tommy asked, and I reached for the mic. (Justin told me later he was like OH THANK GOD.) “You have two minutes to tell us. Okay, go.”

So I told the audience the story that I just told you, and ended it with, “And now, because of The Room, we’re getting married!” The whole audience cheered really loud. I don’t remember much else because it’s hard to remember things when you’re on stage in front of hundreds of people. I just remember Tommy and Greg shaking our hands and saying, “Thank you.”

Tommy and Greg were pretty hysterical during the Q&A; if you ever have a chance to see them, do it. At the end, they said, “We will be back someday soon! Somebody already invited us!”

Justin and I decided that since we had that first conversation at TPC, we could technically do the same thing at Twin Peaks Fest. Then we joked that we should go to Comic Con and pull the same gag at every panel to see how many celebs we can meet.

But really, The Room is what brought us together, and because Tommy and Greg were so kind and genuinely happy for us, that night is something we’ll remember fondly forever.

AND we can’t wait to go to another screening in a few years to tell Tommy, “We are expecteeeng!”

Up Jumps The Buggy

So, I hung out with the Amish. It wasn’t as much as I would have liked; they clearly like to keep their distance from people like you and I. But Seth, our host for dinner, was so cheery and happy. He had a bowl haircut, blue highwater pants and an adorable nervous giggle. At the end of the night, he shyly but firmly told us it was time to go because, “Well, I have a steady girlfriend and you know how that is.”

My stealth picture of Seth. I didn't want to be a creep.

Okay, here I was a creep. But look! So Amish!

The night was mostly spent with Justin’s family (his mom’s side). I met a few members I didn’t meet last year, including AWESOME cousin Mark and Brazilian foreign exchange student Milene (who was BEYOND pumped for some Black Friday shopping at the mall, haha).  We ended up getting pretty tipsy before the Amish dinner (well, all of us except Milene and her friend), and partied at the family’s favorite bar, Coody Brown’s (!!) afterward. But they managed to behave themselves in between.

Cousin Mark and Jessica

They compulsively play Pull Tabs, I make bouncy conceptual art.

The arteest.

Here’s what I can tell you about the Amish:

• They make the best food in the world. I’ve never had bread so moist, meat so tender, or vegetables so fresh. Their peanut butter is fluffy and light beyond belief, but I found out later that they just mix it with marshmallow fluff. I bought a recipe book from them for $1.50, and I promised my 85 lb. Grandma that I would make her a loaf of Amish bread every week if she promises to eat it all. Regarding other dishes: the Amish use hella mayonnaise.
• When I walked into the home, my initial thought was, “OMG GAS LEAK,” but it was just the lamps.

• “Just leave the money on the table!” they cheerfully said after our $300 dinner. Amazing.

• The way to Justin’s heart is with Amish noodles. The way to mine? Amish stuffing. We are fat.

  

• They have a bathroom with plumbing, though it was never clear if that’s just for guests. It was lit by tiny LED lights, which illuminated the room like a tiny tealight candle and angered the old people.

• ‘They smell awful,” Justin’s sister Jessica told me beforehand. “They’re pretty into coke, too.”

• Amish carts do not show up on fancy SUV sensors that turn brights on/off. Justin’s mom has unintentionally blinded many Amish people.

• They make the best bikes in the world. When I move back to the county in 10 years, his mom’s going to buy me one.

• Earrings are a sin! Basically, when you spend money on accessories or frivolous things, you’re spending money that could be spent on “food for the hungry, clothes for the needy, and Bibles for the heathens.” Buying earrings = robbing God.  And yes, I wore earrings to meet the Amish.

• Seth makes horseshoes! I have one on my desk.

• They don’t use electricity or drive cars because those things separate families, by scattering people around the house or around town. Families need to be together.

• The reason they all dress alike is because the Bible says to “be not of this world,” which is a verse that people used to drill into my head during Sunday school. In fact, the Amish and Born Again Christians use a lot of the same verses to justify how they live. Eesh.

So that was the gist of my Amish dinner. The rest of the weekend was spent at his dad’s house, eating at his uncle’s mansion, watching their legendary annual family football game (thankfully I avoided dodgeball this year), walking through his mom’s gorgeous lakeside neighborhood, hugging his mom’s dog Tillie (but not her dick sister Molly), teaching Milene about America, eating Rickle’s Pickles and driving through one hundred million corn fields.

Justin's dad has a new puppy or kitten every time we visit.

Justin's mom's neighborhood.

My BFF Tillie. And yes, those are swans in the background.

Heh heh heh "Hoosiers"

I love Justin’s family so much, and they seem to love me, too. His siblings are awesome, his cousins are hilarious (I’ve met 9 out of 10), his aunts and uncles are sweet and his Grandma is cool as hell (last year, she sang “Thank You For Being A Friend” with Justin at Coody Brown’s karaoke). Best of all, his parents instantly took me in and treat me like one of their own. They both even encouraged me to bring my mom with me next year. Every time I go home with Justin, I find even more reasons to feel lucky that he’s in my life, and even more reasons to be thankful.

Pardon The Hyperventilation

So that creepy X-ray of my skull? It’s going to cost me $400, ON TOP of my $2,000 surgery. Let’s not forget that I’m spending almost $600 on my cousin’s SECOND wedding (with NINE bridesmaids).  And I still haven’t made it to the Y and people still keep making me go to mandatory meals where I have to eat total shit and Justin makes me go car shopping with him every day AND I’ve been working 12 hour days all week AND I THOUGHT TODAY WAS FRIDAY AND IT’S NOT SON OF A BITCH.

I’m just going through serious endorphin withdrawal and feeling some major anger toward someone that I haven’t been mad at in years and I’m too tired for this shit and clearly I’m sort of having a nervous breakdown right now is all. You know I mean business when words are in italics.

I will end this happily with pictures of our anniversary getaway, where we drank Ed Hardy wine (only until it stopped being funny, then I switched to Toad Hollow) and ate brie and watched The Other Sister on VHS and sat in a jacuzzi and slept in the clouds and ate breakfast served by a British lady in a dining room then went on a breezy morning walk in a neighborhood full of gorgeous mansions. THIS WEEK SUCKS I MISS LAST WEEK YOU GUYS

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Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library

I went to the Kurt Vonnegut Memorial Library in Indianapolis! I would say, “and now I can die happy,” but Nate just told me that he bummed a Pall Mall off of KV in 2003 AAGGGHHHHH

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The Tamis

Finally, the Napa Valley recap that tens–literally, tens!–of you have been waiting for!

My inspiration for my trip to Napa was the most fabulous wine drinker of them all, Ms. Tami Taylor of Friday Night Lights.

Tami is always drinking these massive glasses of white wine (which is never acknowledged on the show but certainly online), and if I ever have to be a wino, I want to be her.

As my own personal Sasha Fierce, I’m awarding all these wineries with Tami in mind. Hence, The Tamis.

Ready, y’all?

Best View (and nothing else): Artesa

Artesa was the first winery we stumbled across. It was gorgeous on the outside but pretty pretentious, cold and quiet on the inside. It looked like an art gallery, and not the kind where my friends have art shows. The fact that we had been on a plane since 6 in the morning may have had something to do with our disapproval.

Most Expensive Meal (and Mostly Worth It): The Culinary Institute

I had a $29 steak, and it was worth every penny! It was a beautiful place, too. But surprisingly, this wasn’t the best meal we had.

Most Personalized Tasting: Cakebread

We liked the tasting and tour at Cakebread because it was just us and our guide, surrounded by chilly barrels. I would recommend this tour on a very hot day.

Most Touristy: Robert Mondavi

Robert Mondavi is one of the few wineries that I actually recognized from the label … and I think everyone else in Napa felt the same way, since there were tons of tourists running around with cameras. The vibe was so touristy that we didn’t even stay for a tasting, though we did stay long enough to pose with the naked statue.

Most Likely Place To Get Sex-Murdered: Raymond

Raymond really tripped us up. On the outside, it was very traditional and family-oriented–in fact, there was a Father’s Day barbecue happening when we got there. But on the inside, there was this dark “Eyes Wide Shut” room covered in steel, crystal, and mannequins in lingerie hanging from the ceiling. We probably would have run out of there if our guide wasn’t the same girl from Cakebread.

Best Ivy (and Nothing Else): Grgich Hills

Very pretty, but very boring. Our guide knew someone else in our group and kind of ignored the rest of us. Also, we asked this old guy if he would take a picture of us, and he said “no”, forcing us to mock him for the rest of the trip.

Most Beautiful: Domaine Chandon

This was a sparkling wine winery on the most stunning property, surrounded by plants and art. This was personally my favorite winery. Unfortunately, this is also where the day’s wine started to kick in, and Serena and I decided to nap in the van for a half hour. It was so breezy and gorgeous that it was worth it, but sadly we missed a boyfriend/girlfriend fight. Bummer!

Best Tour: Rubicon

Possibly tied for my favorite was Rubicon, Francis Ford Coppala’s estate. Our guide Lewis was so awesome. He recommended a place for dinner and even called the owner to reserve a table for us. The gift shop was like wandering though Anthropologie. And the tour was amazing! Rubicon (which will soon return to its original name, Inglenook) has such a rich history–the fact that the Coppolas own it turned out to be one of the most boring parts of the story! Also, I like Rubicon because they make a Riesling–it’s my favorite wine and it rarely grows in Napa, which saved me from a lot of hangovers. Amazing place.

$125 stone cheeseboard that I wanted so bad.

Most Missouri-Like: V. Sattui

From the crowds to the barbecue to the shady trees to the long picnic benches, this place made us feel like we were back home at the wineries in Augusta. Plus, there was a packed Italian deli inside, which reminded us of The Hill. Loved it!

Most Money Spent in 15 Minutes: Baksheesh

Most of you know that I’m not much of a jewelry person. It looks decent enough on other girls, but personally I think most jewelry out there is ugly. HOWEVER, this place Baksheesh was recommended to us. We were in a hurry and only had 15 minutes or so to shop … and you guys, I was in heaven. Every necklace, every bag, every knick knack, and even every pair of earrings–Me! Earrings!–was gorgeous. I blew through that place like a tornado and spent so much that I got a free tote bag. Fair Trade jewelry, y’all. I’ve found my calling. I’m already saving money for a shopping spree at a similar shop here. I mean, I was so happy that I sprouted crows feet:

Oh, we stopped by an outlet mall the next day, and I found like 6 great tops at Banana Republic. Somehow, on a trip with 6 chicks, I was the most impressive shopper of the bunch? I blame the wine (and Tami Taylor).

Sweetest Ride: Bessie

She’s a stow and go!

Honorable Mention goes to this student driver vehicle:

Most Baller: Carpe Diem Wine Bar

Remember when I said Lewis got us a table here? Well, holy crap. All the food here was amazing. Jane and I  both ate an Ostrich Burger with Truffle Fries. We were all so stuffed by the end that we shared desert: a flambe chocolate banana concoction called the Happy Ending. Yes m’am. The co-owner Steve stopped by our table with free glasses of Innocent Bystander wine from Australia, and later Lewis stopped by to say hi, too!

And finally …

The Tami Taylor Award for Excellence: Domaine Carneros

We stopped by Domain Carneros on our first day, and we loved it so much that we made it our last winery visit, too. This is the place where we got the church giggles and laughed at everything from the “long creamy finish” to “semi-hard and semi-soft cheeses”. It went so far that Kendra asked our waiter Brandon to give us “equal amounts of head” when pouring our drinks. Immature? You betcha. But I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. We tortured our waiter Richard on the last day in a similar fashion. We loved that the patio had a gorgeous view, was quiet enough to sit and talk, and they had wine and cheese samplers for people who love red wine (Jane, Kendra and Jenny) and people who love sweet, sparkling whites (Ginger, Serena and me). Highly recommended; I get a little homesick just writing about it. Both of these visits were probably the most fun the six of us had in Napa.

And that’s it! I want to thank Kendra again for putting this together (and driving all weekend)! From beginning to end, it was such a fabulous time that I will never forget.

(P.S. If you’re my Facebook friend or friend-of-friend, you can see all my pictures there!)

Live, From The Bathtub

My Napa coverage has once again been preempted to tell you that I just completed a decade-long goal:

I ran 10 straight miles!

Even crazier: I ran all 10 at a 5.2 pace! Do you have any idea how short my legs are? Is this real life?

I should also note that my iPod battery was on red for the last hour, which is like the modern day equivalent of an Old Testament miracle.

(Fourfour gif, duh)

A Long, Creamy Finish*

How do I sum up Napa? It’s been so long since I’ve been on a legit vacation that I’m a little out of practice. And man, I forgot how great a vacation feels. I’m tan, relaxed, well fed, and happy after so much quality time with good friends. Honestly, I haven’t had such a great trip since my weekend trips all over Europe in 2001.

Oh and I’m debt free, at least as far as the trip is concerned–I saved up tons of money before I left so I could spend as much cash as I wanted without worrying about my budget or getting hit with a massive credit card bill later. It’s the only way I’ll travel.

I roomed with Jane and Ginger, who are both so easy going and hilarious. Kendra is of course a rock star (both for her planning/driving, and being awesome overall) and new-to-me friends Serena and Jenny were both sweet and so much fun. (Serena especially has the most infectious giggle I’ve ever heard.)

I ended up running 12 miles (though, the 7 miles on Father’s Day were mostly therapy), bringing my June total to 65 so far. I’m slacking tonight to go to the Botanical Gardens, but I’ll be back on track (or rather, treadmill) tomorrow. I thought I would return home with some extra fat, but I’m basically the same as when I left. I suffered through three–THREE!–charley horses one night, but a banana split the next day cleared that right up. SCIENCE!

We went to 9 wineries (10 if you count a return to our favorite), 2 incredible restaurants (the rest weren’t that notable), 2 awesome shopping joints, and we spent about an hour at various spots around the Golden Gate Bridge.

Oh! And I flew over the Grand Canyon! The last time that happened was in 1993 when my family took a little plane tour and I barfed through the entire thing.

I have to leave to go to the Gardens, but I think tomorrow or Friday I’ll give out some awards to the places we visited and share more specific memories and stories.

*We got non-stop church giggles during some of our tastings from all the innuendos. In fact, I’d say we were downright perverted, and this means a lot coming from me considering the fact that I lived with frat boys for five years.

 

And Now A Word From The Future Mrs. Riggins

It was a pretty awesome weekend for both me and Justin. Justin’s film was accepted into the St. Louis Filmmaker’s Showcase! It’s screening at the Tivoli in August, with a chance to screen at the St. Louis International Film Festival later in the year. He’s practically beaming, which is all I can ask for, really.

Me? I ran 8 miles in one go for the first time in my life. (I did it once a few years ago, but I walked a mile in the middle.) As my buddy Joseph said, “You ran eight miles here?! No one runs eight miles here!” I’ve never seen double digits on the treadmill before!

I’ve run 53 miles so far. I feel like I miiiight be able to make it to 100, but now my issue is more about time. Saturdays and Sundays are my long run days, and I’ve only got one available Sunday left. I’d have to run over 5 miles a day on all my free days to do this. I’m not going to kill myself over a dumb goal that I only set to entertain myself, but I’m still psyched to try. I may even hit up the gym at my hotel in Napa, if Kendra’s superstar itinerary allows it. (Shoot, with dinner at the Culinary Institute, I’ll need to go anyway.)

My partner at work had a girl’s night at her house and it was so much fun! My new friends at work are so awesome … I really lucked out getting placed with the team that’s perfect for me. They’re a lot like me, only much cooler, which is how most of my friends are. I go to work every day feeling very fortunate to spend my time with them … and I usually leave feeling very, very full because we hit up places like Pho Grand for lunch.

I will probably finish Season 4 of Friday Night Lights before I leave for Napa. I was about to say it’s gotten a lot happier and awesome, and I shit you not, as I was typing that, my (other) favorite character just found out that his dad died. So … business as usual for FNL!

Speaking of Napa and dads, I didn’t realize until this week that I’ll be spending my first Father’s Day without him in California, drunk on wine and cheese. I guess if I can’t have him back, I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend the day. (Though, knowing me, you will probably get a sad entry about him eventually.)

I have to travel a lot for work, so I finally invested in a little red Swiss suitcase that I’m breaking in on Friday. I’m so excited!

P.S. “I’m gonna tell you something, all right? And you can’t tell it to anyone else. My mother never took me shopping for a pageant gown and because of that, I never placed in Miss Texas. That’s why I got into football. That’s fact.”
- Tim Riggins

Via What Would Riggins Do?, where you’ll be able to find me for the next hour or so.

Grapes of Wrath

I went to the wineries for the very first time yesterday with Kendra and Jane. We went to Balducci and Sugar Creek. I had no idea there were so many gorgeous wineries nearby. It was awesome! HOWEVER.

I got home around 6, passed out took a nap, and woke up at 10:30 with a hangover. What? When did that become something that happens? Is this because I’m thirty?

Something else I learned at the wineries: if you’re going to drink outside in 50 mph winds, put a lid on the ranch dressing.

March Plus: A New Job!

YUP! For the 2 readers who didn’t hear it directly from me, I got a new job! More specifically, my dream job. I’ve known about it for a few weeks, but I had to wait for all the paperwork, background checks, and everything else before I could put in my two weeks. Which I just did. WOO!

Back in December and January,  I was literally crying about my current work situation every day and it was taking such a toll on me. One night when I was still at my mom’s house, I was having trouble sleeping (which hadn’t happened in months, surprisingly). I was full of stress and anxiety and anger and I couldn’t relax. I decided to check this company’s website on a whim (they rarely have openings because no one wants to leave) and there it was.

And while I haven’t really believed it until this very second, the tiny optimist that lives inside my pinky toe said, “You got this.” I stayed up two more hours updating my resume and cover letter. It was 3:35 am when I finally hit  ”submit”.

It’s for one of the biggest companies in the world, so it would probably be really dumb to say the name of the company or get too detailed here. (Oh, and whatever I write here will never reflect the views of my employer and all that jazz.) But I will list a few (of the million) awesome things about this place.

1. It’s downtown like me, so I no longer have to drive across the entire city and county of St. Louis every day. I will save millions in gas and get an hour of my life back. Justin suggested taking popular downtown transportation like a bike rickshaw or a horse-drawn carriage. (Realistically, on nice days he will drop me off in the morning and I’ll walk home.)

2. I will no longer be the only copywriter at my work, which means I will no longer be the only person forced to explain why something is terribly written, why this apostrophe goes here, what semicolons are for, etc. I feel like the Bee Girl at the end of the “No Rain” video.

3. I can take dogs to work. There is a dogpark. This means I have to get a dog, right?

4. It is voted one of the best places to work in St. Louis every single year, and often it’s among the best in the country.

5. The people there are hilarious and brilliant and amazing. Plus, I’ll have a Creative Director! My agency friends may be groaning, but trust me, having one is better than having … what I currently have. It will be awesome to work for someone who really encourages me to grow and think and challenge myself. It’s all the best parts of an agency, plus the job security and benefits of, you know, other jobs.

6. NO MORE PR. They have people for that.

7. My dad worked at this company for 25 years. Here he is at some parade thing that they used to throw in the seventies:

I put that picture on my cover letter, which I’m sure is 60% of the reason I landed the job.

(If you’ve guessed where, please don’t type it in the comments. The less googleable I am, the better.)(God bless that actress with the same name as me.)

So, I’m aware that this was painfully obvious and I’ve “announced” it like 6,000 times already, but it ain’t complete until I say it here:

I JUST SCORED MY DREAM JOB.

Rock Lobster

I WAS all excited to come back from my trip this weekend and tell you that I’ve lost 15 pounds, hitting a big milestone. But then this happened:

And this:

And this:

And then some mushroom truffles tag teamed with some butter to throw more carbs in the mix:

Not to mention 4 reislings. (Okay, 6 if you count right now.) And the giant German schnitzelthingy I had hours earlier at the Hofbräuhaus in Newport, not knowing what was in store for dinner.

Justin’s dad has a friend who, like, just for the hell of it treated us to a night at the Belterra Resort and Casino. He paid for our rooms (including a suite for Justin’s parents) and a dinner in the private room at Jeff Ruby’s Steakhouse. “Order whatever you want. Go crazy,” he insisted. Um, okay?

The salad was so pretty!

The shrimp was as big as my head!

My lemon had a hairnet!

“Is that The Godfather on the wall??!”

“Do we get to drink all this wine?”

THIS WAS MY DOGGIE BAG.

I AM NEVER WEIGHING MYSELF AGAIN.

P.S. I AM AMAZING AT ROULETTE. I won $75 betting on my daddy’s birthday. What have the Tollivers done to me?

Grilled Cheese Party!

I’m not sure how the idea came to me. I’ve always wanted to have people over for barbecues, but living in a loft makes that impossible. I had been brainstorming ideas for a good party, and then one day I wanted a grilled cheese, and then one day both thoughts hit my brain at the same time, I guess. I’m actually surprised it took this long because I always want a grilled cheese.

And then I turned 30. And officially moved in. It was an excuse to go balls out, partywise.

Here’s the spread:

Cheese: American, Cheddar, Provolone, Pepper Jack, Gouda, Rosemary Asiago and English White Cheddar. Later, Ron brought White American and Colby.

Bread: Wonder Bread, Honey Wheat, Sourdough, Thick Cut (Texas Toast), and a Baguette cut up for mini Grilled Cheese samplers.

Fixins: Bacon, Tomato, Avocado, Figs, Caramelized Onions,Prosciutto, Artichoke Spread, Jalapenos, Honey Crisp Apples and Hot Sauce. Later I busted out Grape Jelly and Erin made an awesome jam that she can explain in the comments.

Trader Joe’s Tomato Soup was generously provided by Brent and Sarah.

Cookie Cake from Justin:

Justin also had a Bloody Mary Bar on his workbench!  He comes from a long line of Bloody Mary drinkers and had like 4 family recipes to choose from.

All in all, there were about 20 guests. There was enough food for everyone to build their fantasy grilled cheese (and another grilled cheese to see if it topped the first). The leftovers were perfect during the “great” “blizzard” on Tuesday.

My fantasy grilled cheese included white cheddar, figs and bacon. I made a similar one the next day with gouda, white american and chedder.

The most shocking part of my party was that everyone found free parking on the street. My neighborhood is packed every weekend by 7pm. Usually the building next door has weddings receptions on the top three floors  every Saturday. I was sad there weren’t any receptions on my birthday because drunk guests always stare at the lofts and get so excited when you wave at them; I thought my friends would get a kick out of that. But looking back, they probably appreciated the free parking spots more.

I got too many awesome gifts to list. I think my friends all liked the loft. Everyone got along. Chauncey was nice to people (aside from leaping onto Ron’s nuts) and didn’t attack folks when they peaked into the treehouse. No one left the stove on or set off the fire sprinklers. The screamy guy next door didn’t scream. No one got shot or mugged. I turned 30 ( wearing pigtails half the time in protest) and survived.

So, Justin had a TV Party where we watched classic episodes of people turning 30 and I rocked the Grilled Cheese Party … what should we do next? (I like bribing my friends to drive downtown.)

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EDITED TO ADD: I googled “Grilled Cheese Party” to see if a lot of people have done this, and apparently Martha Stewart suggested this on Oprah last October, including the part about the Bloody Mary Bar! Between my love of cheese and Justin’s heritage, I assure you the idea was organic. Y’all, I have a day job; I can’t keep up with those chicks. (Besides: rye, fontina, relish and arugula? I would not have missed those if I was copycatting. Dang.)

I Forgot To Tell You That This Happened:

3 Cheers for the Weirs – Revisited

It’s been exactly a year since I threw the concert for my parents, and I feel like if I’m ever going to write about it, it might as well be now.

For those of you who don’t know, my dad had both of his legs amputated about 15 months ago, due to Type 1 diabetes. This was after a triple bypass and several vein replacements the year before, not to mention losing an eye two decades earlier. When I first thought about this concert, only one leg was missing and I had hoped to buy a prosthetic with the money. Soon, both legs were gone, he developed a category 4 bedsore, and it became apparent that (because of his blindness), he would require 24/7 care – most likely (and as it turns out) for the rest of his life.

The actual money I raised (around $3,000) paid for a hospital bed, a trapeze bar for above the bed (so he could exercise), a portion of an expensive wheelchair and medical supplies. It was much needed, and I know this because I had to pick up a lot of equipment and run to the pharmacy for him almost daily. My dad was expensive – worth every penny, but expensive. Above, you’ll see the receipt for my first trip to the pharmacy for him – $538.39.

I didn’t write about it right away because I wanted time to let it absorb. Then, around the middle of December, he got sick again. He had gastroparesis, which makes patients feel full even though they haven’t eaten. As a diabetic, eating was essential, and the doctors were having trouble getting a feeding tube to work. The day before Christmas, my brother went to the hospital with my mom to speak to counselors about end-of-life decisions. I thought he was going to die on Christmas. My concert seemed pretty pointless, my initial optimism  seemed childish, and in addition to the sadness, I felt like I had let everyone down.

However, he came home soon after, and aside from one more hospital stay, he spent the last 7 months of his life at home, in the house where he lived for over 30 years. My mom was with him almost 24/7, and when I moved home in mid-May, he got to see me every day, too. He had a lot of visitors and got to spend holidays like Easter sitting at the head of the dining room table, just like he used to. The equipment helped make all of this possible, and the concert helped bring the equipment home, so it was worth it.

Man, when I started this entry, I wanted it to be about the concert itself and all the positivity, but it’s impossible to explain even the facts of my dad’s story without being long-winded and heavy. Anyway:

The concert was amazing. There were so many friends from so many different parts of my life, and I think I even remarked onstage that it was kind of like a wedding in that respect – when would I get all of those people in the same room again? I remember choking up during my speech (and saying, “Shit.” when I did). I told everyone that my family spent so much time sitting around in hospital rooms that we would run out of things to talk about. And when that happened, I would tell them about my friends. My parents knew about almost everything that happened to my friends, and asked about them, too. “How’s Warren’s house?” “How’s Emily’s baby?” “Does Ron like teaching?” “Did Jen get over her cold?”

I told the crowd, “You all mean a lot to my parents, because you mean a lot to me. And it’s really nice that I can tell my parents that the same is true about them.”

I can’t tell you how amazing it was in the weeks leading up to the show – businesses handed over gift certificates without blinking, Off Broadway opened their doors gladly (and for free), friends like Janet and Ann pitched in to make fliers and banners, Rob brought pizza for the bands, and all the musicians/friends I asked to play gladly accepted.  Erin (who was still a relatively new friend at the time) gathered money from her co-workers, promoted the shit out of the show, and brought several friends with her.

Friends bought insane amounts of raffle tickets from my boyfriend (in his cute raffle outfit). I remember one friend buying 40 at once! Oh, here’s one complaint – I kept picking the same 5 winners, no matter how hard I shook that bucket. What the hell? One friend handed me a $100 check on the spot and another friend hugged me and slipped me a wad of cash for just as much.

I also got tons of checks in the mail – one of the first was from my first grade teacher, all the way from Texas. Hell, I even got a huge check from an ex who had every right to hate me. I raised almost twice as much from these checks – a part I wasn’t even expecting as first – than I did from the actual concert.

The staff at Off Broadway was awesome, too. They gave me drinks on the house and the door guy kept diligent track of the amount of guests (80) and the money they gave. He made me pull up to the front door and walked me to the car with all of my cash. And speaking of the cash – have y’all ever walked downtown with a huge stack of bills? I had to, because that’s where my bank is. I thought I was going to die.

Overall, the whole experience was overwhelming. When I got home that night, I was sitting on my bed holding all the money, and I just burst into tears out of exhaustion and gratitude. And as you’ll see from the following video, my mom did, too:

So I know this is about a year too late, and I thanked everyone who needed to be thanked already, but I wanted to reiterate how amazing this was. I knew that putting together a concert would be helpful and therapeutic, but I wasn’t expecting so much support and kindness and positivity. I didn’t have the time or the money to help my parents, so I used what I had – friends. Talented, generous, incredible friends. And what I received from everyone involved didn’t just carry me financially – it gave me what I needed emotionally to survive this last year. So once again, thank you from the bottom (and top, and middle) of my heart.

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See Spot Rock

This year, camping at The Spot was mostly (and I mean this in a relaxing way, not a boring way) uneventful. (Update: I left before they fired flowers out of a cannon. No fairs!) I mean, there isn’t much activity you can pack in when you’re only there for one night and miss the day trip (hiking through gorgeous pink granite shut-ins – so sad I missed this), but it was a good time.

Three things that stood out:

1. Death by Cat Hair

When Justin and I went to bed, we zipped up the tent and my throat promptly began to close. I have never wheezed like that in my life. I coughed so hard that people heard me down by the fire, and Justin checked to make sure I wasn’t coughing up blood. He made me go sit in the car, got an inhaler from Niki, and finally we realized that the sheet was at fault.

A few weeks ago when Chauncey was sick, Justin kept him locked in the bedroom. He spent most of the time hiding behind the air mattress propped against the wall. So the sheet was probably coated in cat hair. While I can handle cats in a loft with 15-ft ceilings, a tiny tent is another story, especially when the sheet was zipped in there with no ventilation for 6 hours.

I still wheezed a little and we both slept like crap (plus we decided to sleep with the door and window open, so now we have colds) but I lived.

2. James

About halfway through Ron’s amazing fireworks, a mysterious car pulled into the property. At first, we thought it was a cop or the Forestry people. (These were huge fireworks.) It turned out to be some random dude named James. He had been camping in the area alone, was driving around bored, saw the fireworks and decided to check it out.

Everyone had mixed feelings about James. His story seemed legit – a seemingly privileged guy (expensive car) from Northern California (crunchy clothes) studying geology in Michigan (“It’s too flat for me”) here for Missouri rocks (vast knowledge of the area). He looked a lot like my ex, Tim.

However, a strange dude appearing in the woods at night? Some folks in the group were not having it, and eyed him warily the whole time. Others were enjoying being hospitable and friendly. I was suspicious until I noticed his shoes: no self-respecting serial killer wears Gurkee’s Rope Sandals.

Given my epic romantic history at The Spot, I probably would have hit on him if I was single (and obviously in that scenario he would have been a murderer).

3. Guns!

This weekend marks only the second time I’ve fired a gun. The first was with Bonus in the Stockade using a musket. This time around, it was with Bonus by the dam using a pistol. Last time I shot (or um, “aimed” at) a coffee can. This time it was a zombie clown named Uncle Huggz.

I got him directly in the heart, though clearly he needs to be shot in the brain. Also, the heart shot was a fluke. I couldn’t really tell where I was hitting, so it was hard to aim and it just seemed so dangerous. I’d love to go to a firing range someday, but guns out in the open kind of scare me. Still, it was a fun way to kick off the week.

I can’t believe I almost got murdered by my tent, and not by the amateur gunfire or the transient who randomly appeared in the dark.

~~~*~~~

The only other thing I need to mention are Dustin’s Badass Breakfast Burritos – it’s the best part of The Spot every year, without fail. I dream of that skillet all year. We had farm fresh eggs that were so bright and yellow. Oh, and there was a baby this time (with us, not in the skillet). He’s about 4 months old and he whined much less about camping than I usually do.

Ron works so hard to put together a great weekend for us every year; he and Jen devote a lot of time and money to it and we’re always so appreciative. I used to hate camping but these years at The Spot have made me love it.

If I had to write myself a Progress Report on my camping skills, I would say, “Stephie’s s’more cooking techniques, while still unconventional and arguably gross, have improved greatly over the last year, thanks to a new found patience while melting marshmallows. It’s probably due to this year’s classy drink selection of juice-boxed Pinot Grigio.”

My Super Sweet CAT Scan

Have you guys ever been injected with iodine? Because it’s kind of

“You’ll start to feel warm,” he told me as he injected saline into my IV.

“Oh okay, good to know,” I said, averting my eyes to the ceiling.

“Like a hot flash.”

“Oh.”

“But before that? Like, right away? You’ll have this awful taste in your mouth.”

“Huh.”

“And then sometimes? People say it feels like they’re peeing their pants.”

“Oka-what?”

And guess what, dudes. IT TOTALLY FEELS LIKE YOU’RE PEEING YOUR PANTS.

The craziest part is it all happens in a few seconds. I mean, I’ve watched movies where people inject heroin and get shivery right away, but I’ve never thought about how bloodstreams work like that in real life. For some reason I thought I would have to sit and read a magazine for 10 minutes; the speed was completely unexpected. Well, this isn’t too bad. Hey, something tastes funny. I guess that’s the [WHOOSH] OH MY GOD I PEED MY PANTS.

And then he said, “Now, don’t move.”

What I Did This Summer, Part Two

Here are the rest of the before and after pictures of my mom’s yard. Oh, and some stats:

• Yard Bags filled: 143
• Cases of Poison Ivy: 1
• Golf Balls found: 17
• Beer cans/bottles found: 6
• Days my mom helped: 2
• Days Justin helped: 1
• Brown recluse spiders spotted: 28
• Other spiders spotted: 14
• Circumference of web I almost walked into: 4 ft.
• Trips to Ace Hardware: 9
• Compliments from dogwalkers: 24
• Thumbs up from Mexican landscapers: 1

Okay, you ready?

This is the part that took me a month and a half to complete. It was. A bitch. The worst part wasn’t all the weeds below, but that patch of tall grass. It grew on vines and I had to dig all of it out, strand by strand.

To dig it out, first I had to clip all the grass as close to the ground as possible. Then I had to use a small cultivator (Garden Weasel) to break up the soil and pull up all the roots. Because I had to claw, bend, and pull repeatedly, this process took over a week.

I ended up with 15 grocery bags full of just roots, as well as amazing gluts:

Finally, I spread 10 bags of new soil and planted some ivy from different parts of the yard. Those stepping stones were already there, buried somewhere under the weeds:

Actually, I got the ivy from here:

STAIRS! You can’t tell because it’s wet in that picture, but I power washed the patio, too.

Here’s a 3 part panorama of the whole yard. I wish I had done this in the beginning. It will look better once the grass grows back and I murder that mole:

To reward myself for all my hard work (and the fact that I spent all my usual rent/bill money on repaying debt like an adult) I bought myself a Macbook! It’s coming in 3 days and it will be my very first computer ever!  I fought nature for 3.5 months so I deserve some technology, right?

What I Did This Summer, Part One

For those of you who don’t know, I moved back home this summer to help take care of my dying dad and to clean up the basement and backyard so my mom can sell the house. I highly recommend doing something like this if you’re feeling powerless about a loved one’s terminal illness or coping with a death. Chopping and pulling and digging and sweating is amazing therapy.

Before you ask, the reason the yard grew so out of control was the fact that my mom couldn’t leave my dad unless someone was watching him, even for a couple of hours in the backyard. Also, they’ve had that house for 35 years, and by the time you reach your mid 60′s, an ambitious yard grows faster than you can handle. This is why people move to condos. Anyway, my mom is much more responsible than these before pictures imply.

Below are some before and after pictures of the yard. You’ve already seen most of this collection if you’re my Facebook friend.

Corner 1, before and after:

Fitzer 1, before and after:

Fitzer 2 (front), before and after:

Fitzer 2 (back), before and after:

Tree growing in Fitzer, before and after:

Privets, before and after feat. Justin:

Back of garage, before and after:

Corner 2, before and after:

Back Ivy, after – that bare spot is all the ivy/weeds I had to rip out of the ground:

Stay tuned for Part 2 – this includes the spot that took me a month and a half!

Balloon Glow

The Balloon Glow is absolutely one of my favorite things to do in St. Louis. Usually I get there pretty late, but this year Justin and I made a point to be early and we got to watch the balloons inflate. Totally the way to go – it’s so exciting!

Here’s my favorite balloon that I mentioned last time:

And here’s my new second favorite:

You can find the full album here . And here’s a video of an actual Glow. I had to swap out the audio to something lame because it was so loud but I don’t know if it’s working so if you watch it here, CHANGE THE VOLUME:

It was so crowded that they had to block people from coming in, and it took some folks hours to leave. I think next year Justin and I are going to get a room at the Cheshire and walk over.

Treehouse Upgrade

This place?

Is so much fun!

Justin and I wanted to do something awesome for our anniversary, but we decided to wait until after the hectic week of families, work, and memorial stuff. I’m so incredibly glad we did.

Justin and I wanted to celebrate our anniversary in style, but we’re both poor and we have conflicting work schedules and limited vacation days. During Up in the Air fever, I googled The Cheshire out of curiosity and realized that, like us, they have a treehouse.

It’s one of six themed suites with two rooms and a jacuzzi. The Treehouse at Sherwood Forest was by far the coolest. We had a bar, champagne, crazy lighting, and more.

The best part? The Cheshire itself is the cutest place in the world and it’s fun to just walk around and explore, even if you don’t go in the pub. We’re totally coming back at least once a year.