Precious Cargo

So last night I couldn’t sleep at all. My insomnia has been back for a long time, but I had been drinking last night, so I couldn’t rock the Nyquil like I usually do.

Side note – never watch Grosse Point Blank right after a break up. It’s almost as bad as When Harry Met Sally.

So instead of sleeping, I wandered around my room. My room is kind of like Pee Wee’s Playhouse… just toys and stuff everywhere. And I decided it’s a bit too sentimental.

I got a giant trash can and started throwing things away… presents from exes, souvenirs, high school junk, etc. Things that used to mean the world to me, things that represent great times in my life. Things I can never go back to… so who gives a shit? It felt really good. I even threw away a few of my journals. I don’t need them anymore.

The other day, when we were helping my Grandma move (she’s shacking up with her new man), my mom asked her if she was going to take all her pictures, like the ones of her 2 dead husbands. She shook her head no, and matter-of-factly said, “It’s a different life. You’ll understand someday.” That blew my mind… and made me a little less afraid of growing old.

One journal, however, just seemed too sacred to throw away, although I don’t want it around anymore, because I would just be too tempted to read it, which would make me sad. I get sad just looking at it. So I mailed it off to an old friend and told that person to keep it for a while.

I suppose that’s what you’d call “letting go”. I’m not very good at that. But I’m getting there. It’s hard to let go of something that makes you so happy.

Today I’m going out with Jen to buy a suit, so that I can pretend to be professional. Hahaha. This should be interesting. And it will be good to get off my ass… broken hearts tend to be a little paralyzing.

The other night we went out with Kev and saw James’ band, Poncho Vega. They were hilarious. James had a keytar… which is the greatest instrument in the world, in my opinion. And the lead singer had an amazing voice. And the bartender looked like Ryan from The O.C. I miss you, O.C.!!!

I love Jen and Kevin.