So last weekend, a bunch of us went down to The Hill to watch boxing. We’ve been watching boxing on Big Teevee for a while now, so I was psyched to see it up close and personal. And we were seriously close… like 5 feet from the ring. And? It was awesome. When we first got there, I saw a super cute boy sitting on the curb. I decided that he would be my secret crush for the night, then I went and got my $2 PBR (insert gagging noises here) and went to go watch the match. It was either PBR or Blue Moon, and in case you didn’t know this, Blue Moon tastes like rubber bands (Ra, I’m talking to you).
At first, boxing was weird. Two 14-year-olds were fighting, and Jen, Niki, and I almost cried. Our maternal instincts were going into overdrive watching these little tiny boys getting pummeled. Then some tiny tiny kid in front of us started screaming “UppaCUTS! UppaCUTS!” and this kid was like, 5, and then it was just funny. About five or six matches went down after that, and by this time, we’d been adopted by the guy sitting next to us, SuperDrunk, as his new best friends.
And then DING DING DING – who shows up in the red corner? My new secret boyfriend, that’s who! He looked a little scared. But he also looked adorable, especially compared to the guy in the blue corner who had shiny pink shorts and braids like that guy in Korn. I made the mistake of telling SuperDrunk that I thought the guy in the red corner was cute. He started yelling “You could be his Adrienne!!” Hee! And his name? His boxing name? His boxing name is “The Fist”. Wow. Also: wow. Ron wanted me to yell out “I love The Fist!”, but we all decided that was a bad idea. So SuperDrunk did it for me. Thanks, SuperDrunk.
The Fist actually won. And yes, I would totally be his Adrienne any day.
Um… after that, two chicks fought, and damn, that was scary. Girls don’t mess around when it comes to boxing. Have you guys ever seen Layla Ali? The last girl she fought practically started crying and they had to throw in the towel. Haha. The belt that the girls were fighting over had fringe and a giant grenade in the middle. Awesome. And the girl who won was named Chanel. Also awesome.
Finally, it was time for the Hoosierweight title fight… and appropriately named since the trainer in the blue corner had a total Joe Dirt mullet – spiky AND stringy. Nice. The boxer was from Eureka and he had an American flag on his helmet… so SuperDrunk’s girlfriend, SuperTrashed, decided to yell “USA!” over and over. “USA” quickly turned into “Six Flaaaaaags!” since Six Flags is in Eureka. Then it turned into “Screeeamin Eeeeeeeagle!” which was hilarious. Jen and I tried to think of other Six Flags rides that we could yell out, and when Jen yelled “The Log Fluuuume!” I almost cried I was laughing so hard.
So yeah… boxing was totally worth it. And to The Fist, wherever you are: I love you.