Double Dare To Be Different

Since the Jersey boys are coming to visit in a month, Jen and I have been super-excited, and we’ve all been talking a lot more about the good old days in London.

It really makes me miss Kevin a lot. I mean, I’m really happy for him and Monica and I’ve heard fantastic things about South Korea, but damn, Kev. I wish you were here.

I officially met Kevin at the airport on our way to London, but we didn’t start hanging out until a couple of weeks later. We instantly developed friendcrushes on each other and were BFFs soon after.

During those first couple of weeks, we spent a lot of time drinking wine and getting to know each other. I started going down the list of things that I usually tell people when we become friends, including:

1. I’m the Intercontinental Champion of Tetris, Simon Says, and Egyptian Rat Screw.
2. I can say all the books of the Bible in 23 seconds, and the alphabet backwards in 4 seconds.
3. I have a double uvula.

“Oh.” Kevin said, nodding. “So is that like a vagina thing?”

The uvula, in case you don’t know, is that weird thing hanging from the roof of your mouth in the back of your throat. It’s also what cartoon characters grab onto so they won’t get swallowed when they are eaten by a giant. Yay, uvula! Mine splits in two, and at any rate, this is when I officially fell in friendlove with Kevin.

For the next month or two, whenever he saw me (even in the halls or a crowded refectory) he’d smile and wave and in a sing-songy girly voice, he’d yell “I have a double vagina!”

I wonder if there are any kids from Regents who, when talking about the good old days, ask “Hey, remember that chick with the double vagina?”

Fast forward two years…

I was sitting outside of ScholarSh*p, having a smoke break with my friend Brandi. Brandi had recently received a full-ride scholarship to Wash-U’s Med School, officially making her the smartest friend I have. I asked her why she wanted to become a doctor.

“Everyone in my family, except for me, has some kind of weird medical… thing.” she explained. Her sister had a skin disorder I’d never heard of, her mom had something I’d never heard of, another sister had something else, etc.

“And my OTHER sister?” Brandi sat up and beamed proudly. “Has two vaginas.”

I’ve only done a spit take twice in my life, and this was one of them. “Are you shitting me?” I asked. “That’s actually possible?”

“Oh, she got it fixed eventually. But she’s in medical books and everything. My sister and her double vagina. How neat is that?”

I forgot to mention that Brandi had a six-year-old son, so she’d always say things like “snacky-foods” and everything she said came out in this hilarious “mom voice”. Including calling a double vagina “neat”.

A few months later I went to her graduation party, and by the time she got around to pointing people out to me, she was hammered. I met one sister, then another…

“And this? Is my other sister.” She told me. Then she ducked behind her sister and did this hysterical eyebrow wiggle and flashed me a peace sign, like “YOU know…” Got it. Thanks.

That was the most awkward “So, what’s your major?” conversation I’ve ever had in my life. Jesus.

ANYhoodle… Kevin, I miss you a lot. If I could e-mail you a hug and some candy, I would.

1 Comment

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One response to “Double Dare To Be Different

  1. Kevin

    you and your double vagina oh sure steff, it’s your friends sister right…

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