Yo, I GOSTA Have Sex Tonight!

Okay, I probably won’t develop the pictures for a while, so I should write about Ty and Sara’s wedding now. It’s a Memory Mishmash, so bear with me.

I rode up there with Timmy, so it was a good road trip. By the time we got to Lee’s Summit, everyone had gathered together at a bar. We drank a lot (surprise, surprise). There was a live band (with a jazz flute!), so Ty dragged me out on the dance floor. I blinded everyone with my whiteness. He made me promise to dance with him at the wedding, which was sweet. I saw a lot of old friends and made a few new ones, too.

Also: I’ve been hearing crazy stories about two guys named Crossland and Bluto for years… that night I discovered that Crossland and Bluto are the same person. He seems nice, although I’m still combining all of those stories into one file in my head.

The thing that I love about the Frat Boys and that whole group of friends is that we’ve know each other for so long… we really are one big extended family. Lots of parents and siblings came up for the wedding, and they drank and gossiped and carpooled right along with us. Tony’s sister sang during the ceremony, and she was unbelievable as usual.

Adam and Melissa brought their baby, Ian, and this was the first time I got to hold him. He’s really beautiful. He has Melissa’s eyes and Adam’s mouth (“Woooooo!”). All the boys sat around Ian and debated whether he was going to play football or baseball. Adam sang the ESPN theme song like a lullaby. I can’t wait til he’s old enough to play wiffleball with us.

Ty’s dad took us all out for a crab lunch on the day of the wedding: Ty, Tony, Peter, Warren, Adam, Melissa, Ian, Tim and me. It really felt like old times and I was glad we got a chance to hang out together. But why does every reunion involve Adam and Ty wearing a bib?

As far as the boys and their tuxes go, I think I covered that feeling when I wrote about Adam’s wedding. It never ceases to amaze me.

I sat with the rest of their frat during the ceremony, which was fun. We made bets on who would cry first. Most of us bet on Sara or Tony. Imagine our shock when it turned out to be Ty. As Warren and Peter walked down the aisle with Ty’s sisters, his face crumpled up in a way I’ve never seen before… and then everybody in the room started bawling, including me. Thanks Ty.

My favorite moments at a wedding are the unexpected ones, like when somebody flubs a line or a baby squeals or something*. Sara was so nervous that she grabbed Ty’s right hand instead of his left, and Ty whispered “The other left”. Then she looked at us and shrugged adorably and we all laughed. At the end of the ceremony, Ty kissed her for so long that she had to grab his cheeks and push him away, like, “Oh, Ty.” Then we all laughed again.

The reception was held at a Top Secret location; we lost half of our caravan getting there. Even though rain was predicted and we could hear thunder in the distance, the sky was clear above us and the temperature was perfect. Most people ended up hanging out outside, which was perfect because the party was packed.

We all held our breath when Tony gave the Best Man speech, but he did a great job. I have no idea who caught the bouquet, but I should have considering I was taller than half of the girls (one of the benefits of a Johnson wedding). Ty’s dance with his mother was adorable – people could not stop talking about how amazing Cathy looked.

And I kept my promise to Ty… when they announced that it was time for the dollar dance, I was first in line. Our conversation consisted mostly of “You’re MARRIED!” “I KNOW!” or “I just got MARRIED!” “I KNOW!”

All in all, it was a beautiful ceremony and a fun reception. I really could not be happier for Sara and Ty. They’re supposedly moving back to STL next year and they’d better; we miss them a lot.

So people always assume that Tony and I are dating, and the wedding was no exception. I stayed with Tony the first night, but he had to check out early the next day so I switched rooms. Somehow, a rumor started that we broke up. Hee. I got hit on a few times as a result, but that was nothing compared to what happened to Tony.

I can’t really get into Operation Rescue Tony, but it was pretty funny. After Ty and Sara left the party, that’s how we occupied ourselves. We were so worried for Tony’s safety that even Ty’s mom tried to help us rescue him.

Note to Adam: never yell “SHE’S PSYCHO AND SHE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!” during a secret rescue operation.

I passed out in Timmy’s room between a snoring Peter and a drunken Bobbo. You can’t beat that.

*My favorite part of Jen and Ron’s wedding was when they were supposed to repeat something to the priest and then turn and face each other… Ron just turned to Jen immediately, like he was so excited that he couldn’t wait to look at her.

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