Once More, With Feeling

Hello, hello. Life is good right now. Crazy, but good.

As of right now, my focus is on Liz’s wedding. A lot of the things I was worried about have been taken care of, and now my main job is to show up, make Liz smile, help her out with whatever she needs, and watch her get married. And I will probably cry a little bit, but that’s to be expected.

I finally found a strapless bra for the wedding. If you’ve been reading Shortcake for a while, then you know that my boobs are basically the bane of my existence. I’ve only tried to buy a strapless bra once before, for my junior prom. I went to Victoria’s Secret, told them my size, and they LAUGHED AT ME. I ran out of the store crying, and those bitches are lucky that their Pink line is so cute; otherwise I would have never gone back.

I went to a store with nicer people this time around, and while I found one that actually fits and is perfect, I did discover my actual bra size.

(This is where I have to pause to collect myself.)

They shrank last year, but this time they’re back with a vengeance and I am pissed off. I’m not going to tell you what it is… but I did tell a few friends, and here were some of their reactions:

Niki: (jaw drops) There’s no way.

J: Oh, my god.

Tony: No, you’re not.

Vee: Shut up.

Liz: (gasps)

Niki: There’s just… there’s no way.

J: OH! My god.

Vee: Shut. Up!

Tony: Nooooooohoho, you’re not.

Liz: (starts laughing) Oh, honey.

Tony: I thought they were shrinking?

Niki: Sometimes? Strapless come in different sizes? Maybe?

Vee: Are you SURE?

Liz: Can I have some of yours? (Laughs again)

J: Be my girlfriend?

The best reaction by far was from my Grandma:

“Well honey, here’s the good news: men like big boobs. OH! And big boobs? They never go out of style.”

Words to live by. God, I love that woman.

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