I’m Calling It Quits

What do I mean by that? My job? Life? Love? Who knows? Who cares? Who reads this shit, anyway?

Actually, my job is going better than ever right now. The only problem is that my office is freezing; I currently have an afghan over my lap like a little old lady. And I am still boycotting shoes until it snows, so my toes are like little ice cubes.

And life could be worse. It could be a hell of a lot worse for a million reasons, and whenever I’m hating on life I try to remember that I have it better than lots of people and I probably just need to take a nap.

I honestly don’t believe that I will fall in love again. I don’t mean that in the “it will never happen” way, I just can’t fathom falling for that bullshit again. I don’t see myself having an equal attraction and admiration for someone else; relationships like that are so few and far in between and one of us will inevitably be settling for the other. I refuse to live in fear that the other person will leave me, and I refuse to deal with someone who I could leave in a heartbeat.

And despite how much progress we’ve made in society over the past 100+ years, if you are a single woman over 30 and do not have babies, then you pretty much don’t matter – unless of course everyone is ganging up on you and bugging you about when you will get married and have babies. So I have four years to decide if I want to settle down, get settled for, or just fucking die.

So… should I be a co-dependant delusional turd or should I let some turd follow me around and bug me all the time? Or, should I put “November Rain” on blast and drive off of a fucking bridge – kind of like “Thelma and Louise”, except there would be no Louise because all my girls are married? A, B or C? C’mon kids, choose my adventure and we’ll discuss it over pie.

Also, I have PMS today.


Filed under Love Stinks

7 responses to “I’m Calling It Quits

  1. Ronny Louvre

    Ahhh… The last line. I was really going to be, like, dude, SAY NO TO CHILDREN… You do not have to have kids or be married to be valid. What you need are material posessions. They will bring you happiness. Let them fill your hollow places… Oh man, I can’t stop laughing. ~Ron

  2. chop

    I read this shit anyways. Never settle for a turd. Be a turd. Allows be a turd.

  3. Frank

    amen to this! if i do’t contract an STD and i’m not married by the time i’m 28 i’ll probably throw myself in front of a train or knock up some tramp. want to be my oven in a few?

  4. You boys are fantastic…

    And I’m game Frank, as long as you don’t call me a tramp after the first trimester.

  5. Karatechop

    I miss you so much right now.

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