Monthly Archives: January 2007

I Get My Kicks At 26

So, I had a pretty good birthday. It wasn’t as horrible as I told you all it would be, at least, so that’s nice. Just wait until I start predicting my Valentines Day.*

Some silly stuff happened. I had to work that day, so semi-assy things happened as well. Lovely things happened. Confusing things. Happy things. Surprising things. So… overall it was just a normal day I guess, which is the way I like it.

Since my birthday was on a Monday, I had the right to party all weekend. Friday night started out pretty crappy but then Josh saved the day, which is one reason why he’s my hero. Another reason is the Beatles song he sang on my voicemail. Heeeee.

Saturday night I met up with Dan, Pat, Tony and Cate at Ice & Fuel. I haven’t been there in a while and I don’t see those kids very often, so it was fun. It was Dan and Pat’s birthday weekend as well, which made it triple great. And sitting at my Home Bar with a totally different group of friends was weird in the most delightful way.

Oh yeah, I had to go to motherf%#%ing birthday dinner that day, too. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and their friends (and old people in general) but if I don’t have a friend to bring with me then it’s insanely boring and awkward. I have felt this way ever since my brother moved and I was left to fend for myself amongst the grown-ups.

Topics for this year’s birthday dinner included, but were not limited to: bridge, arthritis, remodeling kitchens, Sandy’s stamp club, fishing (because I said “I like fish” and someone thought I said “I like TO fish”) and surviving the Holocaust. Next year I am putting my foot down. No damn dinner. For real.

After Ice & Fuel, Dan and I ran into Katie and Joe at Winifred. We all went up to Laughs on the Landing for the Midnight Special Comedy Showcase, which is a hell of a good time if you’ve never been. Mikey, Josh and the rest of the comedians were hilarious.

When we left Laughs at 2ish, it was seriously about 5 degrees outside so Katie just took off running, and we decided it was a good idea. It was super fun sprinting all the way down the Landing, knocking the drunks out of the way. We went back to Katie and Joe’s place for a while. They really are two of the nicest people I’ve ever met.

Despite the fact that I’m allergic, I really adore it when a cat wakes me up in the morning – especially if it’s an Eskimo kiss. You got me, cat. I love you. (*achooooo*)

Dan and Josh tied for first place as my Birthday MVPs. Those two are wonderful, as are all of you. Thank you so much to everybody for everything.

I credit MySpace Birthday Alerts for giving me more birthday wishes than I’ve received in years, all in a potpourri of comments, messages, calls and the such. As much as I make fun of MySpace, that was quite lovely.

I still got carded for beer all weekend. Yesssssss.

Jen and I hung out on my actual birfday, which was exactly what I needed to do. And my brother gave me Short Circuit, which made me really happy.

And then? Right at the stroke of midnight? My roommate burped and farted at the same time. It was extraordinary. Happy Birthday to me.

*I’m totally kidding about that; I refuse to even think about Valentines Day. You’re welcome.

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The Year of Awesome

There is a weird clicking noise coming from my ceiling, and it’s driving me absolutely bonkers. Mike thinks my room is haunted, which I guess is cool but whatever. If they can’t fix it, I’m going to have to move. And either way, Tony is going back on the road and I’m going to need a new roommate (hint hint, JOSH).

I’ve been thinking a lot about my New Years resolutions, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this year, I just want to have a great time. I just want 2007 to be awesome. So that’s my resolution. Be Awesome.

2006 was okay and I did some cool stuff. But for the most part, it flew by at an alarming rate and I’m not really sure I accomplished much. So this year, it’s all about doing more of the things that are good for me, and less of the bad.

Go out more. Stay home less.
Listen more. Talk less.
Smile more. Cry less.
Move more. Sit less.
Read more. Watch less.
Hug more. Myspace less.
Live more. Reflect less.

I suppose this means that I can’t resolve to stay away from boys again, although that was by far the most rewarding resolution I’ve ever made. I met an insane amount of cool people last year by NOT dating, and they’re all so different and I learn a lot from all of them (one is a youth pastor and another is an athiest, but they are both drummers, which is one of those dichotomously ridiculous things that seems to happen only to me).

I loved a lot of things about my life last year, but I absolutely hated myself. That’s probably the main reason I stayed away from everyone – not just boys, but all of my friends, too. I hated everything about me, and I wanted to stay home and fix all of those things so everyone else wouldn’t have to deal with it. I think I’m getting used to myself, though, so you’ll probably see more of me. I hope so.

One of the only things I’m really satisfied about from 2006 is this site… I think I’ve finally gotten into the groove with what I want to accomplish with Shortcake – what I want to share, how I want to write, etc. So many more people read this than I ever imagined, and you guys are all so nice to me… I’m not used to so much positive feedback. A lot of you have even started writing, too, or sharing the stuff you’ve already written, and it fascinates me to no end (and makes me jealous, because you’re all so much better at this than me without even trying).

I used to vent about so many things that were horrifically personal… but eventually so many strangers started reading this that I felt the need to put a positive spin on everything, and keep all of the private stuff to myself. It’s really branched out to my actual life… I instantly separate the good from the bad, and I instantly rationalize, relate, and basically suck it up and move on.

I realize that I’m rambling (and hogging the computer from Tony) but I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK INTO MY ROOM. That noise is really driving me insane.

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Small Wonder

This picture of Shawn Hornbeck used to be all over the place, at least in Missouri. He disappeared riding his bike over four years ago, and this picture was on TV everyday, in the paper, at my 7-11, etc. Everyone who lives here has seen this picture.

Eventually, they figured someone hit him with a car, panicked, and buried the body. I remember watching some Court TV thing a couple of years ago where his parents met with one of those psychics that talks to dead people.

Well, they found him. They finally found Shawn, alive and well, along with another kid who was snatched on Monday. This is one of those things that makes me believe in God. Like oranges. Oranges make me believe in God. Oranges and happy endings like this one.

I wouldn’t normally be so invested in this, but he disappeared 60 miles away, 4 years ago, and they found him ONE MILE FROM MY APARTMENT. The kid has been living in Kirkwood, possibly the whole time. The guy who kidnapped him worked at my favorite pizza place with one of my friends. The FBI picked him up literally one block away from me.

I’ve written a lot about my walks to Jen and Ron’s house – how I walk alone at night though the “scary” part of Kirkwood to get there. Well, I pass that apartment building on my walk. I walked by it twice last week. They say the kid was outside sometimes, riding his bike. I could have seen that kid.

This is just one of those weird, weird news stories that messes you up because parts of it are so horrible and parts of it are a miracle and you know exactly where everything went down and you still don’t see how it’s possible.


Also, I may be preoccupied with this story because we are having another ice storm and we lost power, so now I’m hanging out at my parent’s house and hiding in the computer room going batshit crazy. I swear to God, this is what just happened:

Mom: Stephie, do you need any hand soap?

Stephie: Yeah, actually. I do. Is it liquid?

Mom: Mmm-hmm. I have a big jug of soap. You want some?

Stephie: Yeah. Thanks, Mom.

Mom: Do you have a container with you that you can put it in?

Stephie: …

Mom: …

Stephie: Why would I CARRY AROUND-

Mom: Oh, shut up.

So if you’re an avid reader of my Myspace blog (which really just links you to this blog), you know that last night I went to Walgreens to get food for the ice storm. I know you are all dying to know what happened next!!

When I got there, there were about 30 kids standing in front under the awning, trying to look super-cool while choking on their cigarettes. There were also a bunch of them being retarded inside of the store, and even a couple making out in the greeting cards aisle.

I was oddly intimidated as I got out of my car, then I was annoyed, and then amused. I thought, “The fuck? Who hangs out at WALGREENS during an ICE STORM?”

But on the way home, I remembered the day that Katy, Arreya and I walked up to that very same Walgreens during a FRIGGIN’ HAIL STORM freshman year, and it seemed like such a cool, crazy adventure. It’s one of those days that I’ll remember forever for no particular reason. When you’re that age, it’s fun to just walk around and be alive. I miss that.

This morning I woke up with no power. Then I realized that, despite a Master’s Degree and Mensa eligibility, I only bought microwavable food. Microwavable, in case of a power failure. I am awesome.


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And That’s The Way We Do It (It’s The Lou in a Box)!

Okay, time for the annual Jersey Boys entry. Not that there’s anything obligatory about it – this is always my favorite entry of the year. Maybe they should visit around Thanksgiving next time so I don’t peak so early. Oh well; it’s so worth it.

I’ve already written a lot about why Steve and Frank (and Ray and Darren) are so awesome, and why I love them so much. It’s right here. At any rate, they came to visit again and it was fantastic.

Ron, whose go-getter attitude never ceases to amaze me, immediately brought out a laptop and a few newspapers to plan the weekend itinerary. He forced us to vote on activities with a “Huzzah!” or an “Eeeehhhh…”. We had a pretty massive list by the time we were done.

One thing we never got to do, which I plan on doing someday before I die, is SHOOTING OFF AN UZI. Did you know it’s actually legal to do this? There was an ad in the Riverfront Times. I think you pay by the hour (plus ammo) and it was expensive so we nixed it. Nevertheless, this is my new dream. The first person to throw me a surprise birthday party at the Uzi Range gets to be my boyfriend. Kaboom.

Since the Uzi was out, we had to settle for SkyZone. The first time I saw an ad for this on TV, I started laughing so hard. I made Ron look it up online, and when he played the SkyZone video for everyone, they screamed and laughed, too. It is a GYM FULL OF TRAMPOLINES! THE ENTIRE FLOOR IS TRAMPOLINES! THE WALLS ARE TRAMPOLINES! It is so awesome!

They give you supportive shoes and you have to sign a release, but it is so worth it. It’s the house I dreamed about when I was in Kindergarten – we were literally bouncing off of the walls. So fantastic!

Check out Steve and Frank attempting (and later executing) the Impossible Mid-Air High Five:

Here is Jen being adorable:

And here’s Joe being awesome!

Katie wins the “Tiger Endurance Award” for jumping (and smiling) for the full hour, while the rest of us needed a break in the first five minutes.

The next night was Frank’s birthday, so we went to the Pink Galleon. Some people give the Pink Galleon shit, but I believe that any place with a pirate theme AND pink pool tables is a winner. Afterwards we went to Graham’s Grill for a Cajun dinner, and we stumbled across Steve Ewing from The Urge putting on a random solo performance.

New Years was pretty cool. Nick’s girlfriend had a party. I think the highlight of the party was when Frank taught us how to break out the bottom of a beer bottle just by slapping the top of it:

Plus: Super loud midnight celebrations!

Dangerously delicious drinks!

AND true love!

Later on some of us stopped by Warren’s, where a party was already in full swing. Steve and Frank got to experience Tony at his drunkest, and I got to party with Ty, Sara, Oldham, and a bunch of other friends I haven’t seen in a while. Steve and Frank also got to cross another goal off of their list – “Start a fake band”.

We were up til about 6 in the morning, so I consider New Year’s a success. It also marks the second time in a week that I had to walk to Jen and Ron’s house to get my car. While I was gone, Frank and Steve filled up the apartment with farts, just to see if I would notice the smell when I got back. They underestimated my current living situation, as I was unfazed. However, I’m shocked that my Chia pet is still alive.

The day before they left, we went to IHOP (where Ron made our waitress cry). I always forget about the awesomeness of IHOP until I hang out with Jen. She is so right on. We ate more than anyone should ever eat ever, so then we went to Laumeier Sculpture Park to walk it off.

Needless to say, it took about 30 seconds for someone to bend over in front of this one and made the obligatory “World’s Largest Anal Beads” joke.

Here is where I used to do my homework every week!

The sun was setting when we got there, so by the time we made it through the woods it was dark as hell. It was creepy in a fun way, like when you’re playing Ghost in the Graveyard or something.

Other events of the weekend:

  • Frank calls Stephie from the airport to say that he’s lost, and they are in front of a Lee’s Fried Chicken.
  • Frank and Steve attend a New Year’s Eve “Practice Party”, which includes a fake midnight toast and everything.
  • Frank and Steve do a bunch of other cool things that Stephie missed because she was at home sleeping off the flu, DAN.
  • Frank discovers the ultimate St. Louis party staple, Schnucks Seven-Layer Dip.
  • Stephie and Jen venture out into the cold for firewood. Steve and Frank offer to make hot cocoa and muffins.
  • Frank correctly uses the term “hoosier” when Stephie places a working TV on top of a broken one.
  • Tony moons us. More than once.
  • We eat at “Mexican Restaurant”.
  • Frank immediately recognizes “Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story”, even though it was on for 2 seconds and it was during a childhood flashback scene.
  • Tony takes a dump so hardcore that it wakes up Steve and Frank.
  • We watch Seasons 1 AND 2 of The Office. We quote it every ten seconds. It never stops being funny.
  • Frank and Stephie philosophize about love under the watchful eye of pirate mannequins.
  • Tony almost runs over Ty; murders shrubbery in front yard.
  • Jen’s little brother tries to make out with a girl in her bathroom, and actually puts a towel on the door handle.
  • Jen nicknames her brother “Awesome Choices McGee”. Frank and Steve have never been prouder of anyone in their entire lives.
  • Steve fills every single moment of silence by singing “Dick in a Box”.
  • Within 30 minutes, both Ty and Tony intentionally pull Stephie into a fart cloud.
  • We name Jen’s pet cow “Pancakes”.
  • Steve blows up a queen-sized air mattress. At 3 in the morning. Drunk. Inside of my car:


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