Smack That

Stephie: “Ooooooh-ooooh! Wheeeeeeee-ooooooh!”

J: Eh?

Stephie: That Gwen Stefani song is stuck in my head.

J: Which one?

Stephie: You know, the one that goes “Ooooooh-oooh! Wheeee-oooh!”

J: I don’t know if I’ve heard it. Is she singing that noise?

Stephie: No, it’s that guy.

J: Oh, that guy. Jesus. (beat) Oh wait, is that the song with Akon?

Stephie: Eeeeew! No!

J: I think it is.

Stephie: Is not!

J: Let’s google it. (clickity-clack clack) Haha.

Stephie: (gasp) No! Nooooooo! Fuck!

J: What?

Stephie: Now I have to hate that song!

J: Why?

Stephie: Because I hate Akon.

J: (singing) Raaaaaa-ciiiiist.

Stephie: Am not! Shut up! I just hate Akon.

J: Why?

Stephie: Because he’s so monotone and date-rapey. He’s like Makai Pfieiffer on OxyContin.

J: But you like that song.

Stephie: Ugh, I know. Shoot. It’s too expressive to be an Akon song. I really thought it was that guy.

J: Who is “that guy”?

Stephie: The one from the Black Eyed Peas.

J: The one who dresses like Kermit the Frog?

Stephie: Exactly!

(Beat)

Stephie: Wait. Wait! No.

J: What?

Stephie: Kermit doesn’t wear clothes.

J: Um… wow. You’re right.

Stephie: So why did I know exactly what you meant?

J: I think… I think it has something to do with his shoes?

Stephie: Kermit doesn’t have shoes either. But you’re right. It’s something about his socks. Like, you can always see Will.i.am’s socks and there’s something froggy about it.

J: That’s so weird. This is going to bother me.

(beat)

Stephie: Oh! I know who it is! Michigan J. Frog!

J: Who?

Stephie: The frog from the WB. “Hello, my baby…”.

J: Yes! That’s it!

Stephie: They killed him to make the CW all green.

J: Haha. They “wound him, ground him up on the floor.”

Stephie: Is that from an Akon song?

J: Yyyyyyup.

Stephie: Gross.

J: So why was I thinking Kermit? I knew it was one of those frogs.

Stephie: (singing) Raaaaa-ciiiiiist.

J: Hey, you’re the one who digs the Black Eyed Peas.