TSGoC and the Mikes

Okay, here’s the happy blog that I promised yesterday.

Things have been going well… I’ve been riding my bike and hanging out with lots of people. Last night Mike and I saw Disturbia, which was wicked awesome. Is it wrong that I have the hots for Shia LaBeouf?

This weekend should be pretty cool. Friday night I think I’m going to that art show at the Way Out Club with Nate, and Saturday night Mikey is doing stand-up at Laughs on the Landing if anyone wants to go with me.

I realize I just mentioned two Mikes in the same entry… which makes me realize how many guys named Mike I actually know. Here’s an index:

Karaoke Mike (formerly known as Myspace Mike)
Music Mike (of Harmony Band, among other musical projects)
Comedy Mike (Manker, a comedic genius)
Science Mike (still scares the crap out of me – I always act like an idiot around him)
Moons-Me Mike (my former next-door neighbor)

The other day, someone asked me if I had a boyfriend named Mike because “you sure hang out with him a lot”. So no, I don’t. He’s split into five separate but equally awesome Mikes – like Voltron. I’ll try to do a better job of differentiating between them from now on.


I’m having fun with the various Mikes, but you know who I miss the mostest? The Secretary General of Cool.

I’ve analyzed this before, and I’ve decided that the main reasons I love him are because (a) he’s always been honest with me, whether I like it or not, and (b) he’s without a doubt the most interesting person I’ve ever met and he’s chockfull of stories.

I’ve tried to list all of the insane facets of his life before, and people usually think that I’m making it up. My friend at work calls him my “imaginary boyfriend”. But here’s just a few examples for you:

1. He’s lived all over the world, from China to Italy to Michigan.
2. He’s saved someone’s life more than once.
3. He was on “Romper Room”.
4. He does card tricks like David Blaine (though I think TSGoC uses real magic).
5. He speaks 4 languages, but he knows snippets of several more.
6. He once blew up a kitchen and flew out of a second story window.
7. His first home was on a tulip farm in Amsterdam.
8. He was accepted to that Naval Academy that only accepts like 50 guys a year.
9. He’s taller than Abraham Lincoln and he looks exactly like Captain America.
10. He has a gun license and he knows how to Roller Disco.

See? See how much he rocks in just ten sentences or less?

One night right before we went to sleep, he told me some other ridiculous story, and I started teasing him.

“People always think I’m lying.” he said, looking a bit bummed. “But I mean, no one’s around to vouch for me. They’re all in Thailand and Holland and shit.”

“I don’t think you’re lying at all,” I told him. “It’s just… it’s hilarious. Next thing you know, you’re going to tell me you saved a baby from a fire or something.”



“It was drowning.”


“Back in Virginia… I saw a baby floating in a pool and I jumped in and pulled him out.”

“Okay, now I think you’re lying. Shut up. You did not.”

“No, I did. I have a certificate from the mayor.”


“Yeah, everyone freaked out about it. They threw like a thing for me. It was weird. I don’t want to talk about it.”


My most very favorite thing to do is ask TSGoC, “What have you been up to?”

“Oh, I’m DJing in Chicago.”


“I fed a banana to a baby hippopotamus.”


“I’m going to this concert in England.”


“I’m going to the beach from The Beach!”

or my personal favorite:

“I’m in Michigan. Hey, can I call you back? I’m gutting a deer.”


I called him the other day to ask him about my cactus… his roommate collects them, so TSGoC is basically surrounded by cacti at all times. Of course. Of course he is. My Grandma randomly gives me a cactus, and of course, the only cacti expert I know of lives with TSGoC.

I asked him what he had been up to, and he paused before answering, “Nothing! Haaa! How crazy is that?” He sounded genuinely shocked.

I like that he has a moment to settle down and relax, even though it’s not here. I told him that (a) I’m happy for him, but (b) I‘m mad jealous of his new city. I miss that big weirdo. Hopefully I’ll get to see him soon.


Oh, there has been one deterrent to The Year of Awesome: hills. I forgot how much it hurts to ride your bike up a hill. Ow. Ow ow ow. You’d think I’d remember something like that.

Also, I have an awesomely funny story to tell about Easter but I can’t write about it here, so ask me later.


Filed under Conversations, Lists

5 responses to “TSGoC and the Mikes

  1. Shortcake, it is most definitely NOT WRONG to have the hots for Shia LeBoeuf. Or, if it is wrong, I don’t want to be right. He is yummy and I am, horrifyingly, old enough to be his mother. xo from your WITWN pal SweetieDarling

  2. Jen

    I feel healed. I thought I was the only one with a Shia LaBeouf thing. The amount of Disney crap I’ve watched on account of that kid?…shocking.

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