Because I Am That Cool …

… here is a long dorky survey I put on Myspace last week. I did not fill this all out at once – I randomly collected questions over a while and threw them all in the same bulletin. Chris requested a permanent home for it, so here it is:

1. The phone rings; who do you want it to be?
Oh, you don’t want to know. Actually, you probably do know and you’re rolling your eyes.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
I park at the top of a hill, so when I’m done unloading I usually just let the cart roll into the side of the building. I half-ass return it.

3. What is the best nickname you’ve ever had and why did you have it?
Precious Moments, in London. My friend Macie thought I looked like one.

4. Do you take compliments well?
It depends how much I believe it. Usually, no.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
Yay! Yes! I think it is so much fun.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
I’d cry and cry, then a family of bunnies would adopt me.

7. Do you like to ride horses?
Yes, unless they take off running and Heather just points at me and laughs.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yeah, I went to Jesus Camp. I haven’t seen that movie, but my jesus camp was fun and I grew up just fine, didn’t I? (Best part = shaving cream fights. I would beg my mom to buy like 8 cans of shaving cream and she was like, “You’re retarded.”)

9. What was your favorite game as a kid?
Sardines. It was like Hide and Seek, but reversed. If you find the sardines, you hide with them. I just remember lots of squishing and giggling and shushing. Then more giggling.

10. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was married, would you go for it?
That’s about the least sexy thing you could do. Married people are butt ugly, with their man rings and two heads. Not my type!

11. Have you lied to get out of a date?
I always approach dates like they’re not dates. I’m just hanging out with a friend. When it’s over, you’ll know if it was a date or not. Life is easier when you don’t have to lie, and dates are always a big awkward lie whether you like the other person or not.

12.Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
Sure, so long as they respect mine. We probably will not talk about this much. Oh and you’re never allowed to talk about religion with my Dad, EVER. Then we’ll be cool.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Be pursued. When I like a boy, I can’t even function. I need someone to shake my shoulders and snap me out of it. “It’s okay! I like you too!”

14. Use three words to describe yourself?
“I’m Getting There.” Or, “Treading Water, Financially.” That’s more like my Indian Name.

15. Do any songs make you cry?
“With Or Without You” and “Wild Horses”. “The Scientist” by Coldplay seriously makes me want to kill myself.

16. Are you continuing your education?
I wish! I want a degree in everything!

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
Yeah. Do I know how to aim? No.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
My blanky. Or I guess my roommate if he’s not awake.

19. How often do you read books?
Every night, although moving has made me consider kicking that habit. Books are heavy! (“Have you heard of this place called a library?” Shut up.)

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
All three at once, which makes my head hurt. I don’t think about the past as much as I used to though, which is nice.

21. What is your favorite children’s book?
The Story About Ping. Ping is a Chinese baby duck and I loooove him. Props to Drewfus for answering this question with a Lynda Barry book.

22. What color are your eyes?
Green, although ¼ of my right eye is still blue (YES Kelly and Heather, I’ll admit that it is blue. This settles our 15-year-long fight).

23. How tall are you?
5’2

24. Where is your dream house located?
I have about 40 of them in Kirkwood alone. Whichever one has a secret passage. I want that one.

25. Do you have a secret fetish?
Eyebrows. My not-so-secret fetish is the funnel. Hooray for funnels!

26. Have you tried sushi?
I like the California roll. And the ones with apples. That’s about as far as I go.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
I LOVE PHOTO BOOTHS!!! WHY AM I YELLING??

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
Maybe 5 years ago? Josh asked me to the Olive Garden which is how we became friends. I’m looking forward to that.

29. When was the last time you were at Church?
About a year ago, unless you count a Fish Fry. I’m still trying to find a church that I like.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?
Work. 4 miles. I need to get out more.

31. What was your favorite job?
Pizza Hut. I was a cook and I was never trained to answer the phones so I didn’t have to deal with customers. All my boys worked there and my bosses partied with us. Seriously, the best job I’ll ever have.

32. Do you like mustard?
I say I’m allergic. I don’t care if you don’t believe me. Do you want to kill me? No? Then don’t give me mustard.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Sleep. I can eat whenever I want. I rarely sleep. Also sleep doesn’t make me fat.

34. Do you look like your mom or dad?
I look a lot like my dad which is unfortunate because (a) my mom is beautiful and (b) I’m adopted.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?
Five, ten minutes. Depends if I zone out or not.

36. Can you do the splits?
No, but I can make my leg pop!

37. What movie do you want to see right now?
Knocked Up. I love anything that Judd Apatow breathes on.

38. If you could fast forward your life, would you?
Only if I started training for a marathon or something. It would be awesome to be instantly stronger. Can I have a remote control? Like in that shitty movie?

39. What did you do for New Year’s?
Party hopping (and party ditching) with my favorite people in the world.

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
That thing coming out of her head in the shower was enough for me.

41. Could you relate to a character in Mean Girls?
Janis and Damien, but only as a team. Also Tina Fey, always.

42. Do you own a camera phone?
Yeah, this new one kind of makes me look like a crackwhore.

43. Do you have an “ex box” with pics and letters from past
lovers?
Nah. It’s all mixed in with my other stuff. Although, does my Top Friends/comments section count? Most of those boys are still my best friends.

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?
She was a Beauty Queen; no lie!

45. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
N. Is this a sobriety test?

46. Do you like your middle name?
Yes, I like “Carolyn”. I even like “Caroline”, which is what I thought my middle name was until like 5th grade.

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Four. Six if I’m lucky.

49. What do you buy at the movies?
I buy candy at Walgreens and sneak it in. I’m no dope.

50. Do you know how to play poker?
Not really. I can play video poker. I really have no patience for that game.

51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
I haven’t been lately and I don’t know why. I try to.

52. What do you wear to sleep?
A t-shirt I “won” in New Jersey for eating a giant pizza, despite the fact that all the Jersey Boys had to help me eat it.

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
St. Louis? Everything that’s awesome! Kirkwood? The birth of Scott Bacula.

54. How many meals do you eat a day?
Three, unless you count the insane amount of Flavor-Ice that I’ve been eating.

55. Is your tongue pierced?
No. I wanted to get it pierced, but changed my mind before I turned 18, thank god.

56. Ever meet anyone you met on myspace?
Yeah, a few! They were already friends of friends so it wasn’t weird. They are some of my best friends now.

57. Do you read myspace bulletins?
You know, I used to get so pissed about those surveys but now I’m doing one. I like bulletins. I have solved so many problems just by posting one.

58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny. Ew! Who likes serious people? What is wrong with you?

59. Ever been to L.A.?
Yes, when I was 12. I will get back out there soon, I promise!

60. Did you eat a cookie today?
No. ☹

61. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
No, I say the first letter of the English ones… “Don’t be a B.” “What a C.” “Oh F.” “GD it, you A-Holes!”

62. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?
Honestly, I still run with an AM/FM radio. Somehow I ended up with a few free songs from MySpace, but I’ve been trying to snag the Grey Album for like ten years and I still can’t figure out how to do it.

63. Do you hate chocolate?
Are you crazy??

64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
They try to talk to me while I’m running on their treadmill, I spazz out and tell them to leave me alone, they tell me to not be a B, etc etc.

65. Are you a gullible person?
People say I am, but should I believe them? I’m being serious.

66. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
Barf; who needs one of those?

67. If you could have any job what would it be?
Can I just get paid for blogging about my dumb life? People seem to like that.

68. Are you easy to get along with?
I hope so.

69. What is your favorite time of day?
Dusk and/or dawn. When the sky is that gorgeous cobalt blue and the shadows are crazy and it’s otherwise quiet and cool and perfect.

70. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Mr. Kriewall. He was tall and funny, which pretty much seals the deal for me. He once wore Bermuda shorts in 5-degree weather to “protest winter”. Love.

71. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
I think we attempted to but… has anyone ever been successful at this? I remember being terribly uncomfortable and getting a crick in my neck.

72. What part of your body do you wash first?
Hands.
Obviously.

73. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
It depends how comfortable/drunk I am.

74. Do you have an innie or an outtie?
Innie. I would love to meet someone my age with an outtie (besides pregnant women). I can’t even imagine that. God, I haven’t thought about outties in years.

75. What’s your favorite flavored Pringles?
Cheese ‘Ums, doy!!!

76. Have you ever been tied up?
Like as in “being busy?” I am all tied up with some stupid survey; I can’t answer this question right now (also: yeah freaking right, like I would let someone do that. I’ve watched enough Law and Order: SVU to know better).

77. What was the worst thing you ever got grounded for?
Worst like stupid? I snuck out to TP someone and ended up kissing my best guy friend, which is always a great idea right? The day I got ungrounded, I moved down to the basement.

78. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Does it count if I only let one of them kiss me? Like the first date sucked so bad I had to cancel it out immediately? Then yes.

79. How many times have you been cursed out?
Three or less, I think. I block out stuff like that.

80. Do you have a collection that you think will be valuable one day and everyone tells you it will be worthless when your children have it?
I collect ridiculous stories. I think making my grandkids laugh will be very valuable. I mean, have you ever hung out with my grandma? Priceless.

81. How old are you?
26, although I feel 23. I always accidentally say “Me too!” when people tell me they’re 23. I think that is my “permanent age” that old people always talk about.

82. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
They are all musicians or alcoholics or both, so… great forearms. Surprisingly hot forearms.

83.Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
SNIPE HUNTING? I don’t even know what that means but I want in. What is that?

84. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
Doesn’t matter. He gets wiped away by the random people who show up in my dreams (I love dreaming about weird random people).

85. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?
Yes. My favorite was the French haiku.

86. What was your childhood nickname?
Miss Stephie. Everybody and their mother called me that. Or Ste-Pho-Nee, like from Short Circuit.

87. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Never. What is this, Wayne’s World?

88. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex’s locker room?
Yes, but that was in like 8th grade. I imagine I didn’t miss much.

89. What’s the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
I snapped a picture of Mark sleeping in the backseat while driving 90mph, and it turned out perfect. Also I gave myself a decent French manicure on the way to Liz’s rehearsal dinner.

90. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
Fucking gross, myspace. Come on now.

91. How do you normally eat your oreo cookies?
Happily. Then guiltily.

92. Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others.
I sing and dance, especially while cooking. I like to listen to Joe Cocker while making omlettes.

93. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
It depends. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t like getting drunk… just buzzed enough to make me sleepy later.

94. Have you ever sniffed an animal’s butt?
Have YOU???

95. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
I just use little clouds to powder my nose. I don’t know what this question means. This must be a question for boys.

96. Do you have any strange phobias?
When people paint eyes on their chin and film themselves talking upside-down. Whatever that is called. It is terrifying.

97. What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done at a bar?
Drinking 4 Guinness in under 2 hours, followed by like 6 shots, followed by puking on Bunratty Castle, followed by getting dropped on my face and chipping my tooth outside of “Durty Nelly’s”.

98. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?
Eating curry flavored Pringles. Eeew.

99. Have you ever called your love interest by another girl/guy’s name?
Yes, but not in bed. Haha that would have been awesome though!

100. Have you ever played naked twister?
Narsty.

2 Comments

Filed under Lists

2 responses to “Because I Am That Cool …

  1. RØB

    You’ve never been snipe hunting? Oh man let’s go snipe hunting, hah hah.

  2. Heather

    That horseback ride was hilairious. Did you know Nippsy is still around and the same stubborn bitch she ever was? Srsly when I am moving back to Canada, we need to go to Dennis’ place. Apparently they have built a nice house there now.

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