Last week I took my first vacation in over two years – well, the first vacation that did not involve a wedding of some sort. I went to New Jersey to visit Steve and Frank. I took pictures with an old-timey disposable camera, so I have to get them developed before I blog about it. In the meantime, here is a prologue to tide you over, plus a few confessions.
Lie Number 1: I swore to Frank I would never “kiss and blog”. That’s a boldfaced lie because guess what pals: I kissed two boys on my vacation. (Neither one was Frank.) This is worth noting because both were super unexpected, both called me “beautiful” and both of them made me smile and laugh a lot. They didn’t make me laugh because they called me beautiful, though I do think that’s a silly thing to say to a girl like me.
Lie Number 2: Frank teased me for wearing high heels to the Found party and I was like, “Dude, I wear heels all the time.” LIE. I wear them maybe like twice a week – certainly more than I did a year ago but definitely not enough to walk over 2 miles through Brooklyn, which is what we did.
I had blisters the size of quarters on both of my big toes and I was a total jerk by the end of our hike. However I felt better by the end of the night and even asked Frank if he could guide me to a Bulgarian bar called Mehanata, which is where my crush Eugene Hutz DJs on Thursday nights. I didn’t hear Frank’s answer, but it was probably along the lines of “F#@& you.”
Lie Number 3: I told Frank that the brownies his girlfriend made were “really good”, which is technically a lie because – and I swear this by the beautiful beard of Zeus – they were the best brownies I have ever eaten in my life. I did not get to meet her, but she already gets my seal of approval and I believe she is a direct descendant of Betty Crocker and/or Keebler Elves. Please send me the recipe ASAP.
6 responses to “Lies I Told Frank”
Oh you SOB!!! Lies lies lies!! Tell you didn’t french kiss Johnny Red Truck/QueerRunner/MomHaircut!? You’re a classy gal Steph, one of the classiest around.
I thought this comment was mean until I got to “Momhaircut”. Nice work, Frank.
You’re just trying to cover all 50 states right Stephie?
One region at a time, Frank. Patience.
Lie #3: Haha! I love it! Giving your seal of approval based on a dessert is beyond flattering to me. I LIVE for dessert.
Recipe: Buy the cheapest box of brownies. Buy the big bag of chocolate chips. Stir maybe a third to half the bag in the batter. Conduct a batter taste test—or five. Pour the rest of the bag on top of the batter when it’s in the pan. Lick the bowl. Don’t be a dumbass and cut all the brownies up the night before (That’ what happened to the brownies you had, not so good.)
*The brownies are very delicious with ice cream and hot fudge. 🙂
As for lies # 1 and 2: You go girl and at least you didn’t take off your heels…it’s pretty disgusting walking around barefoot in New York.
Hooray! Thanks, lady! Come visit with Frank any time!
(I did take off my heels to dash across the World Trade Center Station, but that’s just because (a) it was the end of the night, (b) it looked basically clean and (c) it was like the size of a football field so I just gave up before I started.