Guess What’s In My Pants (And Other Things Worth Sharing)

That’s a four. A FOUR. WHAAAT. Um, I went shopping. I still hate the mall, but I hate the act of shopping a little less. It’s fun when you try on a bunch of clothes, bring them out to that girl who sits there and announce, “They were ALL TOO BIG.” Here’s some other fun stuff:

THRILL THE WORLD

Thriller school is SO MUCH FUN, you guys.

That guy in the white shirt tried to stay in character as a zombie for the full hour, which Jen found both awesome and distracting. Personally, it was hard to keep a straight (or undead) face at all when doing dance moves like “Air Guitar to the right”, “Oh Snap” and my favorite, “Booty Bounce”. KTJ is a great teacher and the whole vibe of the class is so silly yet cool. I’ve been practicing my Thriller at least 3 times a day and I think I’m getting it. Not bad for a girl who STILL doesn’t know the Electric Slide.

Updated to Add: we’re in the paper!

SLUDGIE

Francis is going on his honeymoon and he left me the keys to Sludgie!! Woo! Party at Sludgie! Let’s take it over and blog about boys! Just kidding. I posted the very first Sludgie that I ever wrote. It’s about pink dolphins. Go look.

GONZO GOES FOR IT

Warren is getting married tomorrow. Out of all my high school friends, Warren is the absolute coolest, nicest and smartest. He was also my next-door neighbor for two years and it was such a blast having him around all of the time. His special lady friend Sarah is a total sweetheart, and she’s been my friend for years, too. Tony asked me to be his date to the rehearsal dinner tonight, which was super sweet and thoughtful of him. I’m friends with everyone in the wedding party, I think, so I’m glad I get to hang out with all of them before the big day. But for once*, Tony is not my date to the wedding… my date is Super Awesome Ted. This is going to be so fun!

CALIFORNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

So I wrote something random about maybe going to California sometime soon, and I got emails from basically all of my friends in Cali asking me “When? When when when?” So since it’s been almost 15 years since I’ve been out that way, a trip is due. I can’t go til after the holidays, so I’m thinking mid-January? Oui? Non? So to Iain, Kyle, Conor, Coire, Francis, Emily and the rest: get ready, and hold me to this because I really want to do this.

*NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

Last weekend my roommate was out of town, so I had a few friends over. Three straight girls and two gay men. Somehow, we ended up watching an entire season of The L Word. None of us had seen the show before. It was pretty great. Cybill Shepard is hysterical, Pam Greer is awesome, and we all agreed that we want the character Alice to be our best friend. However, we all found ourselves strangely drawn to the character Shane, played by Gwenyth Paltrow’s cousin Katherine Moenig. It took a few episodes before anyone admitted it, but that’s all we could talk about once it was out in the open. I mean, all six of us like boys, but we all kind of wanted Shane to buy us dinner. It was a magical emotional journey, complete with 4 bottles of wine, 3 pizzas and a lot of awkward pauses:

“My brain keeps mistaking her for a cute boy,” one of us said.

“I know what you mean. Like, not my type of boy…”

“… but like one of those girly Italian models. Like a guy wearing Dior.”

“Like Jared Leto when he’s wearing eyeliner.”

“Right! Or like that weird-looking guy from Dazed and Confused who tried to throw a kegger.”

“Exactly. Not my type of boy but still… a really hot, tall lanky boy.”

“This is making me question everything.”

“So? This is making me question everything AGAIN.”

“I know what you mean. My mom will be so happy.”

Our conversation about Shane went on for so long that we actually had to call over J, our mutual friend who happens to be a straight male and therefore the only person in the room who is attracted to women.

“J. J. J. Look at the TV, J. What do you think about her?”

“She’s hot.”

“No no, not her. Her. With the brown hair.”

“That’s a girl??”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm.”

“See guys? A really cute boy. We’re okay.”

“Is this seriously why you called me over here?”

The magic was killed an episode later when Shane took off her shirt (All: “No! NEVERMIND! NO!”) but it was an interesting way to kill an afternoon and bond with some pals. I feel so much closer to all of you.