Nobody Puts Baby Jesus In A Corner

I love Christmas at work. Today I received fancy soaps, lottery tickets, hot chocolate and too much candy to count. We had a potluck lunch, plus an ornament exchange and a white elephant thing. (I still treasure the “World’s Greatest Sister” coffee mug from 2005.) I avoided Santa Claus in the lobby, though. I had to hang out with him all day last year as the company photographer, and I’m still recovering from that hot mess.

I DID end up finding tiny little plants for my co-workers! I went to a nursery, durrr. I realized I would have to put them in something because they have roots sticking out of the bottom. I asked a friend to grab paper towels from the kitchen, and all she could find were styrofoam bowls:

The irony delights me. The plants are a big hit, although I will have to baby-sit a few of them while people go on vacation. I will have a very green office next week. I told everyone they have to name their plant after their favorite boy-bander (Howie, JC, Lance, Donnie, Jermaine, Bobbybrown, etc.).

Francis called me while I was on my way to pick up the plants. How lovely! He is super, super nice. It felt very appropriate talking to him in the nursery, surrounded by green leaves and flowers. My favorite Sludgies are the ones we collaborate on, and yesterday we wrote this one about the Grinch. Funny! I named my plant “Harold Buttleman”, after Francis’ movie.

Speaking of names, LOOK at what Josh sent to me at work today (and yes, it’s wood. And pink. With my name):

To Josh: I love you! This is hands-down the coolest gift I have ever received. Thank you thank you thank you. All my co-workers are jealous as hell, especially the company softball team. I think I will keep it in my office and bring it to my morning status meetings.

To everyone else: never, EVER let me stick my tongue in my cheek like that again. I look like a cross between that kid from Mask and Rumer Willis. So not fierce.

Oh, back to irony about the plants: right after I bought them, I went to Magic Market for a gyro. So what does my karma look like when I grow plants and murder lambies in the same hour? Did I break even, maybe? I hope so. Magic Market Gyros are delicious.

When I was growing up, my parents always put a nativity scene underneath the Christmas Tree. It was your average barn/manger thingy, but there was a loft in the corner with a tiny adorable ladder, which was meant to hold the tiny little lambies so they could look over Baby Jesus without giving him Hoof & Mouth Disease.

Well, when I little, the only thing I wanted in the entire world (besides a trip to China with Big Bird) was a bunk bed. I don’t know what is so exhilarating about sleeping 6 feet off of the ground, but even now I have a blast sitting on them and kicking my feet.

One night when I was arranging the nativity scene, I realized how much the loft looked like a bunk bed. I decided that since Baby Jesus is the coolest, he would appreciate sleeping in the coolest spot in the barn.

So every night, I would stick Baby Jesus in the loft in the corner, and every morning my parents would put him back in the middle and repeat, “You are NOT getting a bunk bed. Leave Jesus alone.”

I probably will never get a bunk bed. Or a trip to China. 😥 At least I still have this humungous marshmallow that my boss gave me:

Yes, I am holding it over my cutting board and those squares are inches. This marshmallow is bigger than my hand. I just want to shove this giant marshmallow in my face. Or squish it and see what happens. Or pat it until it looks like a big pancake. The possibilities are endless! Aaaggghh today rules!


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4 responses to “Nobody Puts Baby Jesus In A Corner

  1. RØB

    Man, my brother always had this tight loft bed at my parents’ house. I shared a bunk bed with my other brother in our room, but I alternated between top and bottom. Just recently, I got a loft bed for my house–an Ikea “Tromso” model–it’s awesome because not only did I get a bigger bed (it’s a full-size rather than my old one which was twin), but also now I have more room in my room (my computer workstation area is now underneath the bed). That’s basically like magic; getting a bigger bed AND more room at the same time.

    Actually tonight we’re going to take measures to anchor it to the wall because it is kinda wobbly (sturdy; just wobbly getting on and off because it’s so much weight so far off the ground or whatever).

    I went to a cookie party Tuesday night and there were cookies galore, my gawrsh I am stuffed with cookieness.

    Murderin’ lambies is so deliciously awesome, dude. I wouldn’t think twice about the karmic ramifications of that.

  2. Kevo

    nice bat, what’d i do without my shortcake?

  3. Jen

    My Christmas gyro was fantastic! You’re the best. Thanks again.

  4. Love the bat. Perfect for beating intruders with unquestionable femininity.

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