Faking Out Fate

Don’t ever tell anybody anything.
If you do, you start missing everybody.

– Holden Caulfield

EDITED TO SAY: I KNEW that the second I posted a depressing post, something awesome would happen. I knew it. Fake out fate, my friends, and good things will happen to you.

Josh just sent these:

… to my work. Thank you so much, Josh! The flowers are beautiful and smell good, although the baby monkey concerns me. Does this mean I’m supposed to put out? Oh, and the card is My Little Pony. Haaay! One more surprise like this and I’ll delete the sad stuff. Or – birthday liveblogging? It could be fun, considering the emotional rollercoaster I ride every year. I’ll think about it. Now, back to your regularly scheduled angsty birthday blog that I wrote 10 minutes ago…

~~~*~~~

My birthday makes me miss:

* Yellow sneakers
* Happy Feet
* Mix tapes
* Bear hugs
* Adventures (finally!) and a
* Best friend

It also makes me miss:

* Stories galore
* Friendly giants
* Egyptian gods
* Songs with my name
* Jello shots
* The TB303 and
* Hiding from the snow

And I also miss:

* Miss Matilda
* Eskimo kisses
* Waking up to fishies
* Cold hardwood floors
* Cakes with 20 names
* and surprises

To top it off, I miss:

* Bartles and James
* Camel lights
* Roundtables on the back porch
* Pretzels and candy
* Juicy gossip and
* my three favorites

I figure if I expect absolutely nothing today, then next year I’ll find something to miss about it. That tends to happen a lot… when you are old. 😥

Here is something incredibly fun that Charles made for me:

He posted this on Geeky Keen with the title “Steph and her French Fiancé Tetreese.” My roommate and I are absolutely swooning over this. It’s center stage on the fridge. Thank you Charles!

Other fun things are happening, and more are on the way. But there’s always an hour or so where I miss those yellow sneakers something awful. I wish it would go away but I think I am kind of stuck with it. Seriously, yellow sneakers are the herpes of my memories.

I will be fine in like 20 minutes, but if you want to speed it up then leave me a joke in the comments. You are funnier than me and I’m proud to know you. Show it off.

“Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion!”

Back in 2004, the only people on Myspace were the Jersey Boys, Dan, and everyone in LA. It was a very simple, secretive site when I joined it, nothing like the creepy monster it is today. I haven’t really updated my profile since I wrote it. In fact, I’ve had the same quote on my page for 4 years:

“Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!”

That’s a line uttered by Beth Grant in Donnie Darko, and it completely cracks me up every time I hear it. And last night, my friend Ben (who is filming in Louisiana) sent me this:

BEN IS THE MAN. Thank you so much, Beth and Ben! I may doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion, but I will never, ever doubt you.

~~~*~~~

Living with a tech junkie has made me love technology. I’m what they call in marketing a “lagger”, meaning I usually wait until people give things away for free before I cave in. I have never owned a computer or a digital camera. I run with an AM/FM radio.

However, this week I bought an iPod and it blows my mind. I know this observation is about ten years too late but WOW, what a great invention! That thing is amazing. I actually had never touched an iPod until a couple of weeks ago. I mean, I usually rock out in my car and I like how the radio surprises me. But for my birthday, I am getting that kit that hooks my iPod up to my Nikes. This is seriously the only invention I have been psyched about pre-release.

So I told you about how Jason bought me Tetris Evolution for my birthday… well, it’s taking over my life. He recently taught me all about Xbox LIVE, where I can log in at any time and play STRANGERS ALL OVER THE WORLD 24/7. I have found a whole community of people who are as awesome as me, and believe it or not, a few people who are better. This will probably not help with my insomnia, but dude I LOVE kicking people’s asses at Tetris at 4 in the morning.

Jason refers to the whole phenomenon as my new French boyfriend, “Tetreese.”

These inventions are great, but I still say the dishwasher is one of the best inventions ever. There is just something so magically Jetsons about it. You put the dirty ones in, close it, and then BOOM, they’re clean. I can’t get over it. I have actually never lived without a dishwasher so I love washing dishes by hand. It gives me a fun, rustic Little House on the Prairie-ish feeling.

I bet my friends who don’t have dishwashers are rolling their eyes and muttering “Dishes are not fun.” But think of it this way – how fun is camping? Camping is super fun!! But if you had to sleep outside every day it would suck, right? Homeless people aren’t like, “Sweet, I get to build another fire!! Fun!” Dishes are my camping.

While the dishwasher is still the coolest in my book, iPods and Xbox 360 are getting far up there. So are YouTube and Myspace because quite frankly, they keep finding ways to make my day. Thank you again, Ben!

SIX DEGREES ALERT: Ben once worked on a film called The Black Hole starring Judd Nelson AND my Thriller pal Adam (who apparently filled up my purse with ticky-tacky last weekend).

There’s A Happy Face On My Face, Too

First things first – I am calling this now: Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight is the new What’s His Butt from The Crow. Every goth kid will be him this Halloween. Hey, I warned you about Akon waaay before he beat up that kid and humped that other kid. EDITED TO SAY: New River Phoenix, also? I absolutely remember where I was when I heard that he died.

Okay, moving on… this entry is long as hell, but there’s dirt so bear with me. Plus… I want to remember all this stuff and it’s my site! Deal.

Friday night, Gage and I made it to both of the art shows. Courtney’s stuff is so playful and fun and it was great to see everything up close. Yay, TPC. Russ’s release party was crazy because there were tons of friends there from so many different places in my life. I mainly split my time between old Webster pals like RØB and Leon (who just got back from China!) and all the comedy/derby friends in the balcony.

MYSTERY ALERT: When I got home I found this fingerpuppet:

…in my purse. Who put it there? It looks Asian so I am guessing Leon. However, Adam and Dave kept threatening to go through my purse while I was in the bathroom. And Gage is sweet enough to hide a present. Who is this from? Thank you to whoever you are.

EDITED TO SAY: Mystery solved! It was Pretty Fun Sara! She is an expert in all things cute, so I should have known!

The bands Bad Folk and The Monads played. The Monads are absolutely one of my new favorites. They are so energetic and silly and fun. During the show, we found a big ball of ticky-tacky. Sara said it felt like “ballsack skin” and I cried laughing. Then I made a teeny tiny snowman and a snail. New artist on the scene! Watch out, Russ and Courtney!

The coolest part about the art show was that Russ gave me the original robot drawing that appears on the cover of Grace Basement’s album, New Sense. I have the art from the cover of my favorite CD on my wall now. THAT IS NUTS. Russ is amazing. Please go to one of these places and get a copy of Jors and Rust – you won’t believe how good Russ is at what he does. FUN FACT: he’s good at being a nice guy, too.

~~~*~~~

Saturday night, all of the frat boys came into town so we could be there for Adam and his family, and it made me remember how great they all are and how lucky I am to be a part of such an amazing group of friends.

I capped off the night with Ty, Peter, Warren and Tony at Ice & Fuel. It’s been years since I sat down and talked one-on-one with Ty and Peter and I don’t know when it will happen again. Ty and Peter used to be the friends I talked to the most. It was so nice to have that feeling back, even if it was just for an hour or so. I needed that.

~~~*~~~

Last night Blind Date Mike and I went to Blueberry Hill to see White Rabbits and The Walkmen. I got carded at the door and then 3 more times inside, which makes me feel better about turning 27 next week. I’m discovering that Mike has some of the key elements I look for in a boyfriend:

1. He makes me feel safe and cute.
2. He looks scruffy but smells like Bounce. Funky fresh!
3. He is unequivocally tall, which makes me feel dainty.
4. He was Senior Class President! Scholastic achievement is SEXY.

The show was great, especially White Rabbits. They have two drummers! Sometimes three! How can you not dance to that? Mike pointed out that even their slow songs turn into a party eventually, like they just can’t help it. They are new favorites as well. They live in New York but they are hometown boys from Webster Groves!

We left the show around midnight and walked outside to discover the Loop covered in snow. Surprise! We slid across the whole parking lot to get to his truck, running and holding hands so we could glide 10 feet at a time.

I have a presentation today, and the happy face stamp on my hand is still clearly visible. Also, I’m catching up on Lost at Jen and Ron’s tonight with lots of friends. Things are busy and interesting. I have no idea how to end this entry, because the good times are certainly not over. Okay, I’ll end it by admitting that was pretty cheesy and I could use a better title, too.

My Stuff, Your Stuff and Nicholas Cage Punching Some B’s

Since we’re all going to be stuck in traffic for the next two years, keep your eyes peeled for this:

I’ve been fortunate enough to work with a pro bono team, which is run through the Ad Club’s Rebus group. We’ve been working on this account for a while now, and our billboard (with my headline, holler) is finally up!

The St. Louis County sign is up on 1-55, .5 mile North of Lindbergh Blvd on the West side.

The other two should be up soon, at:

Metro East: 1-55/70/64, .1 mile East of Route 3, South side.
St. Louis City: 1-70 East of Salisbury on the South side.

I did a whole bunch of AAA billboards years ago as an intern, but that really just meant I sat around and thought of words that start with ‘A’. This took a lot of collaboration with young, talented folks in a gorgeous rooftop conference room with a full view of downtown. Serious good times, and I love seeing the final product in place.

~~~*~~~

Kinoki update: Francis said his wife bought them a while ago and, “the pads really are sort of black when you wake up in the morning – whether it’s toxins or just sweat, I don’t know. I don’t feel less toxic, necessarily.” NICE. I’m definitely getting these. Ron told me he wants to try them, too. Who else is in?

Francis has been working on a new Web series, ERF. Someday when I have nothing to write about (which actually happens, believe it or not), I’ll post his previous series, God, Inc. It was seriously great and I know ERF will be be, too. Here’s the trailer:

Speaking of YouTube greatness, the other night Mike (no, not those Mikes – this Mike) and I were flipping through the channels and we stumbled across The Wicker Man. The original version is trippy and amazing (and I saw it with TSGoC, obviously), but the new version is so bad that it rivals Showgirls in terms of atrocious awesomeness. Either way, it reminded me of this:

I sent this to Darren when I first saw it, and he replied with a touching email: “Aw, how did you know this was my favorite clip on the entire internet?” Darren has a new blog called Here Be Darrens, and I guarantee it’s your new favorite.

There’s tons of other stuff going on but (a) I just woke up at noon, (b) I quit smoking on Thursday and I’m a bitch who needs to run and (c) a lot of it involves boys.

The bad thing about having a blog people actually read is that boys read it, too. The GOOD thing is that you have to call me on the telephone and we can dish the way we used to back in the olden times. I have fun stories to tell, plus a quandary that rivals the great Mark/Travis Dilemma of 1996. So call me, gals! I need giggles and advice!

Is Kinoki Okey-Dokie?

If you’ve seen me in person, you’ve probably noticed that I have a chicken pox scar on my forehead, right above the space between my eyebrows. (If you’ve known me for a long time, then you probably stopped noticing and forgot that it’s there. I do, too.)

I got the chicken pox when I was three, and I had no patience for all of that itchy nonsense. Also: I looooove picking at things. My parents made me wear mittens for a day or two, and I remember pattering around the house and glaring in an attempt to maintain my dignity, like Stewie Griffin.

I had a relatively acne-free adolescence and it was a blessing in more ways than one. I see zits the way that you see bubble wrap. I get one zit a year and when it happens I’m so psyched. I think popping zits is the absolute funnest!

Whenever I get a new boyfriend (or even just a close guy friend), there comes a point in the relationship where I force him to do a Bioré pore strip. I have nothing against giant dirty man-pores. However, I know there is a 90% chance that he has never done a pore strip before.

Peeling off a pore strip is almost as fun as popping a zit, but if you do them too much, nothing comes out and it loses its luster. When a boy does a pore strip for the first time, it’s just the sickest, most awesome thing you’ve ever seen. Actually, I don’t like looking at the pore strips; I just love watching boys gasp in horror when they see what came out of their face.

I don’t like all things gross – just the little non-threatening things that make you feel cleaner as a result. And here’s why I’m confessing all of this: I want to try Kinoki Detox Foot Pads , but I’m not sure if it’s gross in a fun way or gross like reading a medical dictionary with pictures (which is horrifying).

If you haven’t seen the infomercial (and dropped everything you were doing to gape at the TV for 10 minutes, like me) Kinoki pads are soaked in bamboo vinegar and herbs. You put them on the bottom of your feet at night, and they’re supposed to suck all the toxins out of your body.

And the next morning? You peel off the foot pad and it’s all nasteded up with black toxic stuff. I would post a picture but it’s kind of groddy.

This also taps into my mild hypochondria – is this b.s. even safe? They make it sound like a pore strip, but it’s literally sucking toxins out of your internal organs. How is this a good idea?

And also, what if you’re totally overloaded with toxins and your foot can’t handle it? And then you wake up with a giant bloated foot full of toxicity? Is this going to yoink my ex-smoker lungs straight into my leg? This is the sort of crap that keeps me awake at night.

However, if Kinoki Detox Foot Pads work the way they promise, then I wouldn’t even have insomnia. It cures everything for $19.99! I’m so down!

I’m going to wait a while because I’m a sucker for infomercials and the novelty of this will hopefully wear off soon. I’m well aware that is probably a waste of money and just plain stupid.

But still – I desperately want to see what comes out of my foot! You know you do, too!

The Year of Yay!

Okay, so I don’t know if 2008 will be called The Year of Yay! I’m still debating what I want 2008 to be. The one thing I really want to do this year is fix my insomnia. But The Year of *Yawn*? That doesn’t sound very fun unless you’re me. But so far there are plenty of things to Yay! about.

Reason #1: My apartment has been invaded by poodles and chihuahuas! Yay!

These little dudes are amazing. I don’t want them to leave, ever. I don’t even care that they climb on my lap during Tetris. Which leads me to…

Reason #2: My roommate got me Tetris Evolution as an early birthday present. YAY! Kevin, you may want to fly home from Korea for this. I will probably write a longer entry about this later because most of my new friends don’t understand my deal with Tetris.

Basically, I’m more awesome at Tetris than you can ever wish to be. Got that? That’s right. And now I can play Tetris on an HD big screen with Kill Bill surfer music and Sunrise Earth-ish videos in the background:

Yes, that’s clouds, fire and a freaking giraffe eating from a tree. Heaven, hell or Africa. There’s videos of the ocean and outer space, too. I can play Tetris ANYWHERE on a screen that’s taller than me! Yay!

Reason #3: My roommate also gave me a bonsai tree for Christmas and this morning it started sprouting! Yay!

Reason #4: I can’t really write about boys, so I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve had or how many boys I’m hanging out with. Let’s just say that I’ve had a date for 50% of 2008, and I’m keeping that ratio until at least Thursday. Some are datedates and some are new friends, and some I’m still deciding. Either way: Yay!

I would do a photo montage, but I’m not an asshole.

Reason #5: Last night Jana and Sara invited me to the Roller Derby and it was kick-ass! It was the Arch Rival Roller Girls vs. the Windy City Rollers. A whole big group of fun people went, including my Thriller pals Adam and Jamie. We ended up sitting on the Chicago side, so Adam went through the program and assigned us all players to root for. I ended up with #6 – Malice With Chains:

I’ll tell you what, if I’m going have any Roller Girl on my side, it’s that one. She was about twice as tall as me. At one point she was the lead jammer and I cheered really loud. She looked over and my friends and I all froze like, “Holy crap, we’re going to die.”

Roller Derby is my kind of sport. I can wear all my pirate clothes, drink Pabst Blue Ribbon tallboys and flirt with tons of cute scruffy boys in hoodies. I can also pretend I’m tougher than I actually am. Some girl cut in front of me at the bar and I spotted her later, about to walk past me in a super crowded hallway. So I elbowed her in the boob! I did! Then I ducked into the crowd and ran away before she could beat me up. Yay!

If I was a Roller Girl, my name would be Tropical Suckerpunch. I also came up with Mrs. Head-Buttersworth. So fun.

Reason #6: I forgot to tell you about New Years Eve, but it was delightful. Just lots of my favorite people in a big old house down in the city. Fun stuff included: Mexican Train Dominos, Wii Sports, gardening lessons, Katie’s hotsexy spinach dip, bonding with Jessica over our favorite Bath & Bodyworks scent (Sweet Pea), bonding with Pat over the Clash, phone calls from far-away friends, an abnormally high tolerance for Bud Light, and a sweet midnight kiss from a boy I like a lot. Yay!

Reason #7: Because of the Best Year Ever thing, I got a lot of Myspace messages from a lot of new people. One of them was a guy who does a podcast for Best Week Ever, and I read his blog and now I am in love. It’s called Perpetually Nauseous and you guys should all read it too, especially if you are a fan of Project Runway. I told him that while I got to be on BWE’s main page, finding his blog about Chris March was the true prize. Yay!

Reason #8: Three gyros already! Nam nam nam.

So yeah, I still don’t know what this year will be called (hey, it took me three weeks to come up with The Year of Awesome), but so far 08 is kicking ass. Maybe it’s just The Week of Woo Hoo! I’ll keep working on it.

The Year of Awesome – The Best Year Ever!

Best Week Ever had a contest to determine who had the Best Year Ever. And I WON!

ETA: It’s on the main page! According to Alex Blagg, I’m apparently the “bubbliest human being ever to walk the planet.”

To enter, you had to leave a comment on their Myspace page. And if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s leaving dumb-ass comments on Myspace, right????

Here’s what I wrote:

I had the Best Year Ever because I…

• helped set a world record for the World’s Largest Thriller Dance
• got a big sweaty hug from Tim DeLaughter
• lost 35 pounds the right way (by dancing to Thriller!)
• converted from P***z to BestWeekEver.tv
• quit smoking (twice!)
• got to second base (twice!)
• found the best T-shirt ever:

Last year, I vowed to have The Year of Awesome and I totally exceeded my expectations. I wanted to write a serious recap, but guess what? I partied hard last night like all of you (thanks Nick and Jessica!), and I’m sleepy. And I am sitting in a room full of frat boys who have been watching sports and drinking whiskey since 10:30 in the morning. So… some other time.

Best Year Ever! Wooo!