Back in the southwest corner of my apartment lies a special place that I like to visit often. There are books and beanbags, so it’s peaceful and cozy. It has a window on each side, so on gorgeous days like today, it’s the breeziest. Even in the winter, it’s sunny and bright. But most importantly, it’s magical.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to PLANTASIA.
I don’t know when I became actively interested in botany… maybe somewhere in between the cactus from grandma and the pepper plant. I do know that I adore the rainforest that Nick and Jessica are growing in their dining room, and I aspire to have a room just like theirs someday. I do not know much about plants – most importantly, their names. I have no idea what I am growing in my apartment.
So, to make things easier, I’ve renamed all of the residents of Plantasia… after characters from the best show ever, Lost. Shall we begin?
HURLEY
This “dude” is the most relaxed plant of the bunch. I don’t have to take care of him too much – he just sits there and hangs. I like the vibe that he gives Plantasia. He makes it better just by being there, and everyone who meets him loves him.
KATE
Pink and flowery, she is certainly the prettiest. However, she is tougher than she seems at first glance. She’s also a total pain in the ass.
SAWYER
This plant is pretty good looking… and boy, does he know it. He just struts around Plantasia like a big peacock and tries to make the other plants feel bad about themselves. He’s very colorful with his language. He also insisted on living in the biggest flowerpot even though other plants could use the space. What a jerk.
MISTER EKO
Mysterious and spiritual, this plant once lived on the other side of Plantasia (the kitchen windowsill, in a yogurt cup terrarium). The other plants know that he is a force to be reckoned with. There’s another reason why he is “Mister Eko”, but I will get to that later. (Spoiler alert!)
LOCKE
I don’t know if you can see those middle leaves, but either way you should be concerned. Something is EATING AWAY at poor Locke and we don’t know what it is. What is Locke’s problem? Why is he so cranky? It scares me to think about what’s really happening in Locke’s head.
HOT DEAD BOONE
Speaking of creepy Locke, do you guys remember Boone? So beautiful. So gorgeous. One of the original inhabitants of Plantasia. Loved by all. So, so hot. And now: dead. Bummer.
JACK
This plant is sooooo complex, I don’t even know where to begin. He is the biggest plant in Plantasia. He grows peppers and is therefore the most productive and useful. He is the son of a doctor – yes, he was sprouted from Jen and Ron’s plant, “Dr. Pepper”, which was begat by Katie and Joe’s plant. He is related to other sprouts that he doesn’t know about. Impressive lineage. He has a mild fertilizer addiction. Also, he is the biggest bitch to take care of, seriously.
Jack may be difficult, but I am SO PSYCHED about these peppers. They are all purple now, but some will eventually turn red and yellow. If I’m ever at risk of starving to death in Plantasia, I know Jack will take care of me.
And oh yes, there is one more resident of Plantasia that we don’t like to talk about:
THE MONSTER
Elusive and intriguing. You don’t want to mess with this freak, whatever it is. It just shows up out of nowhere, mostly when it is cold outside and my roommate (“Ben”) lets him in. It’s a dangerous creature, and if you don’t believe me just ask Mister Eko. That’s right, this a-hole ate my bonsai tree yesterday.
Sayid and Rousseau live there too; they are just hiding in the bookcase. Watch out for booby traps.
(WHOMP)
Secretly Stephie 