So, my dad’s triple bypass is scheduled for July 8th. My aunt is coming to town and my brother might come, too.
I am scared sh*tless.
Case in point: I took 2 sleeping pills at 10 and now it’s 2 and I’m still awake and all my night-owl friends are nowhere to be found. Or they don’t give a hoot. Get it? Ugh. So sleepy, so lame.
The surgery is scheduled for 6 in the morning, so I am already worried about how I can get a good night’s sleep the night before. I’ll probably have to stay up all night on Saturday night and crash at like 5 on Sunday to have a good circadium rhythm for Monday. Insomnia can get complicated. I actually developed insomnia the first time my dad got sick, back when i was a kid. So during situations like this, my insomnia is at its worst.
Usually I would get get Ambien or rock out with a sleeping pill cocktail, but I vowed to never take Ambien again and I meant it, and the last thing my family needs is me taking one-too-many of something and either not waking up on time or not waking up at all.
The last time he was this sick, I called my ex-boyfriend all of the time and stayed on the phone for hours just freaking out. I did this so much that when we broke up, I didn’t know how to cope with things on my own at all.
I had to develop all my coping skills from scratch and I’m determined to never lose them again. So I haven’t really freaked out about this around Pat or my friends (aside from Jen, who is amazing as always), even though I have never been this worried or sleepless or terrified in my life. I’m trying very hard to hold it together, because my mom is always the one who holds it together. This time around, I want her to be able to lean on me.
This week: work 12 hour days, sleep 4 hour nights, go on daily 1 hour runs and party hard on the 4th. Hopefully that will wear me out. Ha! We’ll see.
Oh, and the turtle crossed the road because I ditched my friends for Pat the other day and I felt like a jerk because that was my biggest pet peeve when people did that to me. During my run yesterday I helped a turtle cross the road to balance out my karma but I still feel like an a-hole. I’m sorry friends. I am admonishing myself.