Monthly Archives: August 2008

Achey Breaky August

NOTHING sums up the past month like the following 4 second conversation:

I have been in 3 of these recently (2 of which I will never divulge), and so have a few friends. It should be noted that the people on Han Solo’s side always skip the carbonite and get really, really super wasted instead.

Hopefully, someday I will get to a place where I say it or they say it and there is no hesitation to say it back and no one involved will have to make that awful heartbreaking noise that Chewy makes.

Basically, everybody can be a Leia, and we can all be Leias together and never have to worry about those Han Solos ever again.

(I’m not so much implying that we can all be lesbians, but more that all those guys can take their bros before hoes mentality and go f*ck themselves, seriously.)

AND IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT I AM NOT SAD AT ALL. Aside from my hangover, I am feeling incredible today for reasons all my own and I am rolling with it, big time.

UP NEXT: Superbabe September. S’gonna be sexy!


Filed under Love Stinks

One For The Road

“This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.”
– Walter, The Big Lebowski (censored cable version)

So life took this really Kafkaesque turn the other day, and I’ve been debating about writing about it. I mean, people go through worse things than this every day, and they don’t spend all their time blubbering on the phone and Internet, right? What is my problem? I’ve written like 10 entries trying to communicate what happened and how it went down and it was truly too sad for you. Here’s the one I almost posted yesterday:



I’m feeling better today, but it was short, sweet and a great summary of where I’ve been this week so I thought I would share.


Good things HAVE happened and I’m trying to focus on that stuff instead of the bad.

I saw Lynda Barry on Monday! I love her so, so much. I’ve already heard her discuss her new book on Talk of the Nation, but she is always such an inspiration.

Lynda Barry is the only adult I have ever met who has tapped into that magic part of a child’s brain without being creepy or Michael Jackson cuckoo bananas. She knows how to play and pretend like a 5 year-old with the wisdom and humor of an adult. No one has ever been able to capture childhood the way she has – it’s a total trip back in time without the usual cheese and sugar.

She wrote this one comic strip (or should I say, Marlys wrote a comic strip) called, “How To Groove on Life” that completely changed my life and the way I write. The first time I met her, she signed it for me. This time around, I thanked her again and told her that it made me want to put exclamation points behind everything that I do. She beamed at me! I beamed back!

I had never been to the St. Louis Central Library before and neither had she. It is seriously gorgeous! She said that if she dies (note the “if” – I love her), she wants to be a ghost in that library forever. I do too, if only to hang out with her all the time.

On the way home, my friend Ted called to say he was in town. I stopped by to visit with him and his son. His mom asked me if I wanted to teach creative writing at her community college. Back in grad school, my media literacy professor told me that my presentations were great and I should consider teaching that, too. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot.

In the meantime I’ve been trying to do more creative writing of my own. For the first time in forever, there is an actual plot floating around in my head and the gears have been actively shifting to try and piece it together. I almost forgot what that feels like. It’s wonderful.


I didn’t sleep 8 hours every night this week but I’m getting there, which all things considered is amazing.

My dad is going back to the hospital on Tuesday – this time for another toe amputation. It’s hard enough to deal with that stuff, but it’s even harder when I used to have that person I could always call and that place I could always go to get away from the stress. When that gets taken away, it’s like the floor dropping out from underneath you.

HOWEVER: last night I called him and told him what was going on with my dad and he said, “Gross.”

Say it with me now: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That put things into perspective. Big time. I loved him a lot for inexplicable reasons, but he truly is the King of Sad Pathetic Suckville and I need to get over it, stat.

Don’t let me cry about him anymore. It’s time to get rid of these puffy eyes:


This week was full of unforeseen nightmarish waves of loneliness, where I really needed friends and needed to escape and I had no one to talk to and nowhere to go and nothing to distract me. Last night I was about to get hit with another one and it was unbearable.

And then… out of nowhere… Jen called me and said, “Would you like to come over and watch some Buffy?”

And I actually teared up as I answered, “That would be perfect.”

I know I write this at least once a month, but I have never had a friend as amazing as Jen. She doesn’t even have to try. She just is. I am eternally grateful that I have her in my life. This week especially, she has been the gentle kick in the ass that I needed to get back on my feet.


I am determined to have an awesome fun weekend and I hope you guys have one, too. Let’s be safe out there, kids.

Current Mood:


Filed under Love Stinks

BANG BANG I Am The Warrior


Today I am “shootin’ at the walls of heartache” – and for once, it has nothing to do with actual heartache or being sad about boys. I partied with Warren and Ryan over the weekend. They have been obsessed with “The Warrior” by Scandal for a while now and every time I hang out with them it’s stuck in my head for days. Have you guys ever heard this song? Look it up; it’s so sweet. YOU’RE WELCOME FOR ROCKING YOUR DAY.

So yeah, Saturday night was pretty amazing. The Takedown played at The Pageant, which for you out-of-town folks is one of the best venues in St. Louis. I’ve seen some of my favorite bands there and it was such a delight to see some of my oldest friends on that stage.

Tons of people from that family of friends were there, including Ty and Adam and their wives. All the friends and parents sat in the same section and we lost our voices from cheering. Tony, Ty and I kept punching each other on the arm and exclaiming, “Look at the stage! Look at who is on that stage!!!”

My sweet, adorable ex-neighbor Mike came to the show and we found out he proposed to his fun girlfriend. Congrats to Mike and Diana! Tony and I lamented that we are the last two standing. Then we renewed our marriage pact but extended it a few years. 30 is approaching way too fast.

The drummer had a big after party in Dogtown and I saw a lot of people from high school that I haven’t seen in almost a decade. Once of them pulled me aside and said, “You know, I still tell people that my first beer was a Natty Light at your house.” Haha.

We were there til about 3 in the morning, so there was really no point in me going to sleep. So yesterday was a sleepless zombie day and it actually worked out perfectly considering some of my all-time favorite movies were on TV: The Brady Bunch Movie AND the original Hairspray. NOTHING cures the blues for me faster than Edna Turnblad doing “The Bug”:

I am still a little puffy-eyed monster today, but whatever.


So I’ve been waiting to write about partying with The Squids, but I don’t think anyone has a picture of Courtney hula-hooping with all the kids. But Janternet did post this:

Look at what a rock star Courtney is! I love her. She brought a bunch of hula hoops to RØB’s barbeque and they were a huge hit. It is quite addictive; I even hula hooped during The Lord of The Yum Yum’s show. But the cutest part was when all of these tiny little kids from the neighborhood appeared out of nowhere and we hula hooped with them. Such a fun day – again RØB, you are fantastic.

EDITED TO ADD: Some pics I yoinked from Bill’s Flickr. Me and Russ, THE SQUIDBONG and one of the hoopin’ neighbors.

I have been wanting to post this video for a long time because this song is so great, but I had never met Bill so I thought it would be weird? Well, I met Bill at the barbeque and he was really awesome, so now I can post it. This is a good song all around but you STL city kids will especially love it:

Do you hear all of that laughter? I need to surround myself with more belly laughs like that. Man, The Squids are so great.

This week I am focusing on sleeping 8 hours every night. I am determined to do this. I think I’ll be able to write (other stuff) more once I’m well rested. I’m also considering a haircut. It’s definitely getting dyed darker. I have to wait a month for Thriller (but I am up for The Madison any time, TPC gals!). I’m half-ass considering quitting smoking this week but I don’t know if I’m there yet. Smiling is still a couple of weeks away but laughing is always an immediate option.


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Filed under Adventures, Picture Pages

Time Will Tell

I haven’t written on here all week because lately this blog has been sad. And the truth is, I’m still sad and I feel like anything I write will be sad.

But then last night, someone left me a nice comment a couple of entries down and I went to his blog and found an entry about me. How sweet is that? Thank you Daniel! Happy birthday and I like your stuff too! He must have stumbled across the archives cuz lord knows the main page has been a bummer. So just for him, I’ll try to kick this entry off with some happy stuff:

Thursday KEVIN appeared out of nowhere and it was an instant pick-me-up. He’s been in South Korea for a year (again) and I have missed that guy terribly. He’s about to start a whole new life once again and I couldn’t be happier for him. We hung out, ate gyros, and went on a covert mission to cheer up someone else. That was a good day.

Tuesday was also cool; I went over to Rachel’s for the first time in forever and hung out with her adorable daughter and her giant spazzy dogs. I used to go over to Rachel’s every day after school and it’s still such a comfortable familiar feeling, even with the new three year-old riding her big wheel over my toes.

I canceled my date with that paramedic… I just don’t feel like getting disappointed right now. But I reconnected with another old friend who happens to be a paramedic, and he also happens to have a puppy (!!!!). I’m looking forward to hanging out with him; it’s been like 10 years since we talked last but I remember him making me laugh a lot.

Tonight The Takedown is headlining at The Pageant!!! I am so proud of those boys and I’m looking forward to a great show. Ty and his wife are in town and it will be great to hang out with them and that whole group of friends.

My favorite author ever Lynda Barry is coming to town in a couple of days and I’m going to go see her. I’ve met her before (we dished about origami and monkeys) but it’s still incredibly exciting.

Finally, I slept 12 hours last night. It was awesome.

So here’s the rest of it and the worst of it – I talked to him on Sunday and I’m not mad at him anymore. As I’ve said before, I use anger to balance out sadness. But now I’m just plain sad, and that just plain sucks because there’s nothing I can do except ride this out and miss him and be all “boo hoo hoo…”

He wouldn’t give me a real reason. And maybe there really isn’t one, but that’s what happened to me the last time around and that’s the part that hurts the most. When people change the way they feel about you and you don’t know why, it makes you go looking for a reason and that makes you doubt every single tiny little thing about yourself.

So… that’s where I’m at right now. I’m trying to distract myself with great friends and fun stuff, and I’m trying to change the things that I don’t like about me, since I can’t figure out what he didn’t like about me. But I’m not going to lie; I’m hurting a lot and I don’t know how to make that feeling go away. My grandma always says “Fake it til you make it,” but I’m still in that “sit in your PJ’s and watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and sigh a lot” phase. Ugh. Kill me.


Filed under Love Stinks


Mikey and Dave just reposted my favorite Manker sketch:

Oh LOL I just turned on Reno 911 and it’s the one where Trudy starts dating the serial killer.

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Filed under Uncategorized

My Only Reason For Living

You guys you guys you guys.

They found Bigfoot??

I am unbelievably excited about this press conference tomorrow. I am trying to plan my lunch break around it. You don’t understand; Bigfoot is King of my world and this news is super awesome, real or not.

Oh! And someone found a chupacabra. Best news day evaaaaaaarrrrr!

But yeah, that press conference tomorrow is basically my only reason for living. I am so, so, so depressed and sad and lonely today you guys. Not just about boy stuff but lots of stuff. It sucks ass. And I am sick of bumming people out and making them feel awkward, so I’m trying to hibernate until I snap out of it. It’s not working.

Truly, today I pretty much want to die. But I need to be around at least until tomorrow to see Bigfoot. Bigfoot fixes everything. I love you, Bigfoot.

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The Reverse Thomas J

In My Girl, there’s this part where Vada Sultenfuss is coping with Thomas J.’s death and she stops eating all the food he was allergic to. I don’t remember if it was in the movie or just in the book version, which I owned for some reason.* But she picks tomatoes off of a sandwich and declares, “I’m allergic to tomatoes.” Thomas J. was allergic to tomatoes.

When someone breaks your heart, you cope by doing the opposite. Everything that he or she loves, you have to hate. When you see something they like, it’s sad because you want to share it with them, buy it for them or even pretend you like it out of habit (because that’s what you’re actually doing, right?). So you avoid all of those bands, movies, TV shows, etc. That’s how you cope. It’s the Reverse Thomas J.

Right now I have to avoid a lot of things that I genuinely like. I have to hate The Clash. I have to hate eggs. I have to hate trivia and I LOVE trivia. I especially have to hate tea. This is kind of annoying but I can’t help it. The Reverse Thomas J.

Luckily, the majority of things I have to avoid are things I wasn’t a fan of to begin with: baseball, poker, whiskey, Wondershozen, being a total D-Bag, etc.

I had completely forgotten about this part of it, but The Reverse Thomas J. happens to me every time. Over the course of my life I have been forced to avoid so many weird things:

  • Connecticut
  • X-Men
  • High School Hockey
  • White Fish on Egg Bagels (which no one talks about in Missouri except around me)
  • Maps
  • Canada
  • The Smashing Pumpkins
  • Global Foods
  • The left side of Des Peres movie theater
  • Led Zeppelin
  • Big Red chewing gum
  • Anything that is tie-dyed
  • Grape Gatorade
  • The WWE
  • Springfield, MO
  • Springfield where the Simpsons live
  • Historical artifacts
  • Life Cereal
  • All things French
  • Beer
  • The Yankees
  • Flash Gordon
  • Barbeques
  • That album Michael Jackson made with E.T.
  • Chef Gordon Ramsey
  • Frozen candy bars
  • The good parts of Illinois
  • Quik Trip
  • The Superbowl
  • Gargoyles

And so on…

The absolute WORST was that month when Tim and I were broken up:

I had to avoid THE BEATLES.

This was in 2000 at the exact moment they released “Beatles 1” with all their greatest hits. There were TV specials and Beatles anthologies EVERYWHERE. I mean, give me a break. It was impossible.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you experienced the Reverse Thomas J.? What weird stuff have you found yourselves avoiding?

*I would watch the movie and check for myself, except not. My Girl is more painful than that movie where the baby dinosaur from The Land Before Time stepped on Fivel the mouse and Bambi’s mom right before it ate Ponyboy from The Outsiders and shot Old Yeller.


Filed under Lists, Love Stinks