She’s Lump, She’s In My Head

So this past weekend I found a lump in my boob. A very painful lump. And while I know the bad lumps are usually painless, pain tells my brain that there’s danger. You know what else tells my brain that there’s danger? A lump in my bewb.

After the Summer of Insane Medical Sitches with my dad, I have learned to not freak out about things until they are 100% diagnosed and mos def. And luckily for YOU, I have learned to not freak people out unnecessarily. So aside from a couple of b-fries, I have been keeping all my thoughts of disease and death to myself.

So today… today I was sitting in the waiting room at the Women’s Health Center? And freaking “LANDSLIDE” came over the speakers.

That song makes me sob hysterically in my car even when I am well-rested, well-fed and not pmsing at all. I even get a little teary-eyed when Billy Corgan sings it. So playing this song in a pink-ribbon-covered “friend-to-friend” environment should be absolutely illegal.

While I was fighting my own emotions, I glanced around and realized that I was up to my vajay in glassy-eyed, sniffling females questioning their own mortality.

So I said out loud, “Wow, can we sing something else?” And everyone laughed. *curtsey*

While I will never be the type of girl who shows the outside of her boobs on the Internet – in ANY economy – I am obviously the type of girl who will show you the inside of her boob:

It looks like the ocean!

During an ultrasound, the screen will cloud up for a second every time they move the… the thingy. You can see some of it in the corner. It looks like smoke. Like a cloud of smoke. Like… a smoke monster. OMG NEW LOST IS NEXT WEEK LOST IS NEXT WEEK OMG LOST LOST HOT DANIEL FARADAY LOST.

So that’s my story of the week I secretly thought I was dying. But in case it wasn’t clear, I am fine. Everything is normal. In fact:

Area in question? Rad.

NEXT WEEK: S’up Daniel?

1 Comment

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One response to “She’s Lump, She’s In My Head

  1. Janternet

    You are fast on your way to becoming my person of the year 2009. And we are barely in week 3.

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