Champs and Chumps VIII – Let’s Get Lost Tonight

I haven’t done a Champs and Chumps in a while (I think I am still traumatized by the whole Fox News thing). Lately my life has been full of Things You Shouldn’t Blog About, so this is probably a good time for one.

Ready Freddies?


The Moth: This is one of my favorite podcasts. The format is simple – storytelling in front of a live audience – but I can’t begin to tell you how much this has charmed me. Most stories are hilarious (the Wendy Spero one was especially hysterical) but they can be poignant and moving, too. (Don’t listen to Mike DeStefano’s story unless you’re prepared to weep in your cubicle.)

Frank & Erik Internet Famous: It just gets more and more appalling with each episode, and I mean that in the best way. I’m afraid to listen to this while I’m running or at work because I can’t help but snicker like a lunatic.

My Pepper Plant: I thought it was dying, but there are new blooms and new peppers! This plant is my pride and joy.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs: “Zero” is so danceable and I just have a ball with every listen. I cannot wait for their new album. “Fever to Tell” and “Show Your Bones” never get old to me. I’m totally confident that the new album will be just as fresh but 100 times lighter and more upbeat.

Twitter: Now that Ashton and Demi have been banished from my feed, I am loving the whole Twitter culture. I like getting clever Tweets from my friends and I love how celebrities have totally embraced it. The Michael Ian Black/Levar Burton Twitter War is especially silly.

Portable Breathalyzer: Charles brought one of these to Janet’s party. It’s a brilliant strategy – drunk people love toys and a challenge, so people blow into it and inadvertently become aware of their drunkenness. I’d like to think that I don’t drive buzzed, but in this city it’s almost inevitable. I plan on buying one this week. Most of my new friends live in the city and I am in the county, so this way I can go to bars with them and get home safely. Speaking of Charles, he started this site where he puts googly eyes on everything. I love how the personality of each innanimate object immediately becomes apparent. It’s cute and I’m pissed I missed out on the Googly photoshoot at the last TPC.

Old Friends: Ty, Warren, Sarah and the gang showed up on my doorstep at like 1 in the morning last weekend. They used to drop by my parents’ basement all the time, or bang on the bedroom window of my first apartment. That night made me realize how much I miss the harassment. I love those guys.

Allison: Fellow blogger/Film Pig Pal/Twitter Buddy/Facebook Friend Allison surived this absolutely horrific car crash and I am in awe. Obvious chumps to the crash, but champs for quick thinking, walking away from that and taking it like, well, an actual champ. Also high fives for the fun blog!

The Real World – Brooklyn: It would take an entire entry to explain why I adore this season and this cast. Rich said it best. I haven’t liked The Real World since Season 10 and I rolled my eyes out of my head when I initially heard they were going to Brooklyn. But this cast is so relatable and sympathetic and interesting – even the unlikable ones are lovable. The binge drinking, ditzy girls and lame jobs are gone. All the things I love are back. I didn’t realize it at the time, but wow, I’ve missed you Real World. Welcome back to my TV and my heart.

Courtney’s Twin Peaks Nikes: Courtney is so incredibly fly. Check out these kicks. TPC represent!

Cheez-Its for Lunch: I didn’t bring enough change to work today and I didn’t feel like leaving for a long break, so I made a meal out of it. It’s carbs AND protein, right? I found 6 burnt ones and they are the best. You know you are jealous.


Tea: I think I am allergic to chamomile tea! Oh no!! Everyone told me that my puffy eye was from dust or dander, but when I drink chamomile tea, I feel tingles and puffiness and everything. I blame Pat for converting me to tea in the first place. I still drink it but I top it off with a bunch of antihistamines. So this way I’m extra sleepy, which was the point of drinking tea in the first place.

Magazines, Absence of: I don’t have any “guilty” pleasures. I allow myself to have stupid fun sometimes and I am proud if it.* That being said, I LOVE MAGAZINES and I always pick one up when I am grocery shopping. Right now there is some sort of distribution dispute, and I get so depressed when I look at the magazine racks and see nothing new.

UPDATE: Magazines are at 7-11! I read an entire People in about 20 minutes.

Being a Free Agent: It’s been a while since I looked at a couple and got sad about being single. But I was outside with Sarah and Jaime at the video shoot and wow, I miss having a BFF. 99% of my chick friends are married, so it’s impossible to have that friend you can always hang out with. Dudes have gotten to that age where if I try to be their BFF, they want to marry me or whatever. I am everybody’s friend but nobody’s best friend. Sometimes the freedom is cool, but watching Sarah and Jaime interact made me miss my old BFFs and that feeling in general.

Rich’s “Break”: Rich was recapping The Real World over at Four Four, but he’s decided to take a break to work on some other stuff. I’m happy for him, but his recaps reminded me of Television Without Pity’s glory days. They were so funny and I’m sad that I won’t see any more amazing animated GIFs.

Schnucks Portabello Artichoke Cakes: Best damn thing I’ve ever eaten. So why are they here? Well, Schnucks stopped making them. How could they do this to me? This is all I ate for a week and a half, and now I am lost. I’m thinking about writing a letter. Yes, a letter. Because I am 90.

Disneyland/Portland: They are stealing my friends! Boooo! Josh is moving to (work at) Disneyland; Janet and her husband are moving to Portland. I am excited for them but totally bummed out for me. I know Janternet and I will communicate often but you guys, I am going to cry so hard when I say goodbye to Josh. There was a time when I wouldn’t leave my apartment unless it was with him. He basically saved my life. Ugh. Goodbyes are the worst.

This Shirt I Am Wearing: There’s wire in the lining. I had an incredible silhouette when I put it on this morning, but when I sit down the wires bend out in either direction. I keep forgetting to fix it when I get up and everybody at work looked at me like I was a crazy person. I found it in the back of my closet. Can I even wash this contraption?

Insomnia: It’s gotten so much worse than usual. I’ve had to miss work and skip parties because I am too tired. I hate it. I’ve finally signed up for auricular therapy. My first treatment is on Tuesday; I’ll let you know how it goes.

* Seriously – and I should include this as a CHUMP and even possibly a full bonus entry – why do people feel the need to prove their intelligence/coolness when you’re just trying to have a good time? Being a pompous buzzkill makes you look neither smart nor cool.

I listen to NPR and I get my indie fix from Pig Radio, but I am not a dick about it. I fully embrace Celebreality on VHI and goofily dancing to Top 40 music. I will still pour over an In Touch Magazine if I feel like it. I am secure enough in my education and my coolitude, thank you.


Filed under Champs and Chumps, Sleep Disorderly Conduct

8 responses to “Champs and Chumps VIII – Let’s Get Lost Tonight

  1. Allison

    First off: thanks for the rad shout out. Go me!

    Second: I completely get where you’re coming from re: BFFs. There is something special about having that person be close to you AND a staple in your regular life. Truthfully, I think thats what I miss the most about my last relationship. not the boyfriend having so much as having a “partner in crime”.

  2. kevvers

    just want to say I had a dream I had a vagstrike and it was awesome and now i know how it feels to be a woman – where’s the bridge u might ask to this comment and ur blog? je ne sais pas – maybe something about the cleavage

  3. Oh my.

    I want to come to Chicago soon! Bug me until I do it.

  4. The Rocket Queen

    Although you haven’t purchased your Breathalyzer yet, you are hereby ordered to come to Arena Bar tonight during my shift. It’s just off of 44 (basically) so two or three beers (including one free, go my friends showing up!) won’t hurt.

  5. kevvers

    hey, you should come to chicago

  6. Champs and Chumps, my fave! I was wondering if Fox News had permanently scared you away. You’re gonna love the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs disc. I downloaded it early in the week and I’ve listened to it non-stop since. I wish more bands would get over their near break-ups by making dance albums.

    Breathalyzers are either awesome for parties, or make them take an early tragic turn. I’m personally in favor of them, mostly because I love the reactions.

    I totally agree that this season of Real World is a throwback to the great seasons of old. They finally picked a house without any drunk dudes or skanky girls. Who would have thought that the transgendered girl would be the sluttiest of the group?!?

    And there is nothing wrong with supporting magazines. Me and the wife have like ten subscriptions. High brow stuff is great, but sometime it’s time to turn-off and entertain the brain. Coincidently, I have a theory that it is impossible for most women to be in the room with a People magazine for longer than 20 minutes without reading it cover to cover. I got my wife a subscription for her birthday, and she thanks me every week. (and so does her mother.)

    And where did your hook-up get that copy of The Room? I’ve been dying to see it but I can’t find it anywhere.

  7. CAPTAIN – I got it on Amazon! You can borrow it if you want. Better yet, I will watch it with you guys. How do you feel about old lumpy frenchman ass? Cuz there is a lot.

    And where did you download the new YYY’s? I thought it wasn’t out until April. I pre-ordered it on iTunes. Are you talking about the Is Is EP? Or the live one I didn’t know about until just now?

    There is one dumb slut on the RW, and he is an abs model so I fully support it and enjoy watching wholeheartedly. I agree with Rich that Katelyn’s sluttiness is more like puberty since she is still getting used to her new body.

    ROCKET QUEEN – I’m going to a pinball expo in Illinois tonight (Huh? I know), so I probably will not make it. But I will attempt to stop by beforehand!

  8. s

    rty since she is still getting used to her new body.

    ROCKET QUEEN – I’m going to a pinball expo in Illinois tonight (Huh? I know), so I probably will not make it. But I will attempt to stop by

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