Tater Shots

You guys, sometimes I invent something in my brain that is so awesome that I desperately want to share it, but it’s too dumb to have an actual purpose.

However, sometimes I have a friend who needs a cheer-up. And sometimes I am really sad and upset about my own stupid crap, and when that happens I try to do something randomly nice for someone else, because that is the fastest way to forget your own dumb problems just so you know.

And then…. andthenandthenandthen… sometimes all three of those things happen at once. And it just so happens that you and your dad are hanging out and are so incredibly bored, and it’s a way to resolve all three issues AND entertain yourselves. And that’s when you bring those ideas to life.

Listen up friends: when life gives you lemons…

… make a parTAYto!

It’s like the dumbest thing ever and that’s why I love him so, so much. My dad and I made him for Jen and Ron on Monday before my mom went in for her surgery. The parTAYto stands up by himself. I’d like to think he’s wearing a tuxedo t-shirt as opposed to an actual tux. Either way, he’s ready to par-TAY.

If I had hundreds of dollars to throw away, I would trademark this in a second. Until then, you can bet your ass I’m mailing this off to the Library of Congress. Copyrighted! I am declaring this parTAYto copyrighted and owned.

My dad and I were waiting for my mom to come home because she had my Power of Attorney papers. As I left their house, I was holding the Power of Attorney papers and parTAYto in my hand. And I stopped and said, “You know, this is probably the most ridiculous combination of stuff I will ever hold.”

Some day when I have no life (or this weekend when I’m still nursing my parents back to health) I would like to make more. One with a lampshade on his head. Two making out. One mooning people (I could totally carve a butt and peel the skin like a longjohns butt-flap). They’re like the other anthropomorphized potatoes, only all they do is parTAY.

So there you go. Par-TAY-to. Emphasis on the TAAAAY. Also you have to do a little dance when you say it. I’m a big silly.


Filed under Picture Pages, Sam I Am

8 responses to “Tater Shots

  1. Charles

    These would be awesome as a series of gift cards. Or perhaps you could make a website that features a parTAYto getting crazy in a different place each week.

    You should see if parTAYto.com is taken.

  2. The Rocket Queen

    I normally support ridiculous inventions involving foodstuffs, but if someone ever gave me a parTAYto, I might punch them. Sorry. It would just be so upsetting to hold one in my hand.

    However, I WOULD enjoy parTAYto e-cards. Those would be pretty cool.

  3. Allison

    I can say I knew you when.

  4. Charles, Jen is determined to take pics of him in different places.

    And RQ, you OBVIOUSLY didn’t see the dance I did when I introduced him to Jen and Ron. It would melt your heart for serious.

    I promise I won’t let this go to my head, Alli.

  5. Tom

    That’s honestly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Can I have one? I’ll even give you a potato.

  6. Maybe I will make you a Dharma parTAYto from that big welcoming party. Namaste!

  7. kevvers

    omfg! i need one!


    SO many possibilities: too-long drunk rambling speech guy? Butt-grabby groomsman? Various ill-advised hook ups? Receptions are the best.

    Maybe I can make two partaytoes recreate what you and James did at Jen and Ron’s wedding and have them wrestle on the dance floor over the garter.

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