On Wednesday, I got this really horrible headache. It hasn’t gone away.
I went to the doctor on Friday. He did all the standard neurological tests and prescribed things to help, but he threw around enough scary words and warnings that I’m scared to do anything strenuous like running. And wow, do I need to run.
I have to get an MRI on Monday. I can’t really afford it. I’m stressed about that.
He gave me temporary steroids to… well, they aren’t doing shit except making me emotional and upset and anxious on top of all the pain.
A lot of people have hurt my feelings or crossed a line or let me down lately. But I haven’t said much about it because I don’t know how much is real emotion and how much is me overreacting from this medicine.
Everything was finally coming together. Things I have spent years or even decades trying to fix were finally under control or even totally better. It’s like I couldn’t even get one fucking day to feel normal. Not even one.
I’m angry. There’s some sadness in there and a lot of loneliness and disappointment. But mostly I’m really angry today.
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Even when I am at my worst, I like to make sure you guys are happy you clicked on this blog. So…
When I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor FOR AN HOUR (ROID RAGE STEPHIE ANGRY RAAH) I noticed a box on the counter that said “Occult Blood.” I thought that was rad in a Black Sabbath way. Then I looked closer and realized it said “Fecal Occult Blood.” I had to share my emotions with someone so here you go:
Jason saw this and said, “you’re my very own Liz Lemon.” That makes me smile. And he is giving me a pep talk right now for some of the stuff I am raging about. Jason is the best.
It’s sunny and breezy outside, so I am going to attempt to take a walk.
Secretly Stephie 
Heh, I actually have been given a Fecal Occult Blood kit recently for help in diagnosing my abdominal pains I’ve been having for the past 6 months.
Also, I’m in the same bought as you as far as having to pay for medical procedures that I can ill afford. No new laptop for me, unless I want to get a new credit card and start racking that one up too.
I have never owned a computer, and never will at this rate.
Wait so do you have fecal occult blood? Don’t answer that. Are you getting any better? Answer that. I actually had no idea that “occult” meant “hidden” until I googled fecal occult blood.
I think our illnesses are just from our extreme sadness about Janternet moving. They will be cured when we see smiley pictures of how happy she is in her new city.
Yeah, it sucks that Janet is leaving, but she’ll be in a better place soon so that makes me happy.
Really, I’m tempted to flee to Portland as well, but I’ve finally got this city broken in and I’d hate to have to learn a whole new system of highways, local laws, and such.
Do I have occult fecal blood? Don’t know yet. After I take three samples and send it in I’ll find out. I suspect not, but if there is then it’s colonscopy time, and that costs around $2000.
Over all I do feel better, but recently I had some pretty sharp pains and bloating. The doctor said it is most likely gastritis combined with IBS.
One thing I do have to say: the abdominal pains have been an incredible motivator to stay on a no-fried-stuff, no-fatty-stuff, almost-no-alcohol-or-caffeine-diet that has allowed me to loose a lot of weight. I’m still losing weight, about to go into the 180’s which I haven’t been since the last millennium.
How are you a writer and not own a computer? Have you always depended upon the kindness of strangers? Or roommates who have a computer? Or are you more of a typewriter girl?
you guys are exhibit A of the bitter part of the bittersweetness about leaving. please come visit me any time.
charles, I’m curious why it is important for you to know local laws?!
You know, local laws like “No Burning Leaves” or “All Cats Must Get Certain Shots Or We Take Them Away”.
Ugggghh, gross persistent headaches are the worst. I have a ton of leftover party booze at my place if you feel like getting buzzed for free (regular stuff, too, none of my usual fancy beer). It’s the least I can do to return the favor.
7Thanks lady! Hopefully I can swing by at least for the one ep. Wish I had gone to your party instead of stupidhoosierBarnhart. (Yes, I deserve anything that happens to me if I choose to go to Barhhart; I know this.) Will give you an update on my headache laters.