How To Fix A Mewd


That’s right, Aunt Stephie. Little Miss Klarissa is 5 lbs – pretty remarkable for being a month early (I was a month early. I like this chick already).

I called my Grandma and said, “Well hello, Great-Grandma Tassallo.” She cracked up and said, “I know, what the hell, right?” I like that chick too.

I finally got my camera cord back, so soon I can post a big-ass happy update about my life. I’ll give you one right now, though: Jason got a puppy. A red daschund. He’s long and red. So Jason named him Bacon.

Bacon picked up pneumonia at the Humane Society, so he’s been a sleepy, snotty mess for a week or two. Makes me love him more cuz he does this:

Heeee!!! Bacon kisses my face nonstop and gets SUPER pissed when Charlie is in my lap, but he seems to prefer black men over everyone else (and who doesn’t, really). I say this because he’s been humping Jaron’s arms and legs NONSTOP since he came over, and… um… we neutered Bacon last week? And he hasn’t humped anything since he came home? (It’s understandable; Jaron is a model so Jason and I sort of want to hump him, too. The man is gorgeous.)

I can kind of relate to Bacon though, because I have a crush! An actual one! Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a real crush??? I had to spill that but that’s all you get to know. More later!


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8 responses to “How To Fix A Mewd

  1. Allison

    Crushes are awesome…even if they don’t lead to anything. It’s something to get excited about.

  2. Exactly!! Like, I’m pretty sure I will never date him or anything. But I’ve missed having a crush. “Excited” is the perfect word. It’s nice to finally be excited about something.

    My friend Karen told me a great rule, which is to never date your #1 crush. That’s the mistake I made last year and that’s probably why I was so sad when it ended. I didn’t have a back-up crush to distract me.

  3. Charles

    I dunno, Stephy. I’m standing by what I said in that I think crushes are unhealthy and only serve to distract one from real emotional connections with people or one’s own emotional growth, at least that’s how it was with me. But, of course, you’re not me and what you call a crush may be different than how it was for me.

  4. Yeah, but when you talked about it, you kept ending your sentences with, “…but it wasn’t a crush.” Or, “… it was more than a crush.” You said, “It was actual feelings.” And those are totally different.

    Crushes aren’t like… the seeds of a relationship. I mean, it could be but it doesn’t need to be. A crush is just someone who makes your day more exciting. Like, I might walk a certain way to the elevator because a cute co-worker makes goo goo eyes at me and it’s awesome. Or I might choose one weekly Squid event over another because I don’t have a preference, and a crush happens to go to that one.

    Or – this is the best – pulling up to a party and seeing your crushes’ car parked outside. Do you know what I mean? That feeling? That useless and silly, yet beautiful and fun feeling?

    You have to be careful about who you have a crush on in some respects – don’t crush on your close friends, don’t crush on married/taken people, etc. But like, you can have a mini-crush on the cutest pizza delivery dude and it makes ordering pizza more exciting. Doesn’t mean you’re going to date him (again, that was my mistake).

    Crushes aren’t an earth-shattering thing that actually matter in the long run. Or at least, they shouldn’t be. See: Karen’s rule. It’s just this fun constant thing that makes you go, “YAY!!!” – and best of all, it is attached to a cute face.

    Oh and also, you never said that!!

  5. Courtney

    Crushes are like the best daydream. I guess they lead to daydreams, but they’re like daydreams, too.

    Oh, yeah, and congrats on becoming an Aunt!

  6. Erin

    Charles doesn’t know. Crushes are gorgeous, heady, emotionally-drunk (but like happy drunk, or mild Ecstasy plus a glass of champagne drunk) things. And yeah, NEVER date your #1 crush. Sometimes it’s best to just idolize someone without knowing that he farts in his sleep or how smelly his house is.

    And as someone who doesn’t even like kids, being an aunt is pretty effing cool. It gets SO much better, too. You think the floppy infant cuddling is good, just wait until she’s old enough to have CONVERSATIONS with you about things like all the reasons she likes tomatoes. It’s total nonsense but feels like the most important subject in the world while it’s happening.

    Also, stock up on bubble-blowing apparatuses. Kids can’t get enough of them and you will be Aunt Superhero.

  7. Charles

    Alright, well, I didn’t say what I said here word for word, but the main point I was making about myself was that I was having major crushes on different girls which prevented me form having any actual relationships with any girls for real, because I was too distracted by these crushes.

    I had a major crush on girl “C”, which I never had any intention of consummating because she was my #1 crush (like Karen talked about), and during that time I ignored genuine feelings I was developing for girl “A” because I was too busy obsessing over girl “C”. End result was that I perhaps missed my chance with girl “A” (well, it’s highly debatable I ever had any chance with girl “A” but that’s not the point) and remained single and loveless.

    I guess I am making sure you are not using crushes to prevent yourself from being with who you really would like to be with. I think you and your current crush would make a good couple, and he’s not out of your league by any means. You’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re creative and he’s a good guy who deserves a good girl like you, and visa verse. I really don’t like this whole #1 crush idea where the person you like the most becomes someone you will never be with.

    But, if these crushes are not anyone that you actually would have feelings for then I guess that’s okay, unless your obsessing with them leads you to ignore who you really could be with and be happy with.

    Also, while I did have a major crush on girl “C”, it’s not to say I didn’t on some level care about girl “C”. Who knows if something could have developed if I had not been so obsessive and crushy towards her (again, probably not, but, again, not the point).

  8. Yeah, obsessive crushy is not good, and neither is a crush where you ignore the real thing (a valuable lesson that you, me, and the rest of the TV Time Kidz learned during that My So-Called Life episode last week).

    I think Courtney put it best. A daydream. A real one.

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