“And My Buns: They Don’t Feel Nuthin Like Steel”

I was honestly too sad about Brittany Murphy to write about Brittany Murphy when she died – and at this point, does anyone have the energy to write about another dead celebrity? – but she was my favorite actress for a long time, so I want to write about her.

Like everyone else, this girl won my heart and cracked me up in Clueless. And when she started playing creepy roles to perfection, like in Girl, Interrupted, I was excited to see how far she could go.

I’m not going to lie, I felt a little betrayed when she appeared out of nowhere on the 2002 MTV Awards red carpet, skinny as hell with a mane of blond hair. She wasn’t fat before by any means – she was refreshingly healthy, if anything – but as a fat teen, it was reassuring to see someone realistically round on the screen, and a pleasant surprise to realize that you didn’t have to be stick-thin to be adorable, charming and nothing short of lovable.

But then the opening song of the MTV Awards started, and at 2:38, she did something awesome:

… and instantly won my heart back. And inspired me to do some tricep kickbacks.

(Also, I remember they kept cutting to her during Eminem’s performance of “Without Me”. This was right before 8 Mile came out and I didn’t realize she was in it. They cut to her so much and she was singing and dancing with so much enthusiasm that I thought, “Omigod, are they doing it? They’re totally doing it!” And then all these rumors floated around that they were doing it.)

I forgot until yesterday that she did that somewhat badass song with Paul Oakenfold. And I remembered that for a long time, there were rumors that she was going to play Janis Joplin in a biopic. And I was really looking forward to that.

Not going to lie, her husband ooks me out just a tad. And while a heart attack at 32 is not unheard of, it’s still suspicious, as someone on the Internet may have already mentioned. The whole thing grosses me out and I hope it wasn’t an eating disorder or drugs, but… would that make it any more or less tragic? Honestly, out of all the possible causes of death, “natural causes” is probably the scariest.

When I broke the news to Clueless fanatic Janternet via text, she replied awesomely with, “She died like sporadically.”

So yeah, even though she got dangerously skinny and probably got her lips injected (seriously the dumbest thing that Hollywood women do) and she married a greasy con man, and starred in a bunch of terrible comedies and was slowly stirring up trainwreck-y rumors… I was rooting for her. I was really, really rooting for her. And out of all the celebrities that died this year, this was the one that hit me the most.

And I don’t know, like, stuff.

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Filed under Botheration, Pop Goes The Culture

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