Monthly Archives: January 2010

The Year Without – Update #2

I did it!

I worked out every day in January. There were four days where I wussed out and only did 3 sets of push ups, but the other days I worked out for at least an hour.

All the letters on the calendar stand for something – “e” is elliptical, “h” is hula hoop, etc. I ran so hard that I, like, dislocated my neck. It still hurts and I still worked out.

It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to make time for myself every day. In fact, I worked out more than I thought I would. I’m sure I will keep this resolution for the rest of the year.

Up next: a February without cheese. No fancy cheese, no Mac ‘N Cheese, no cottage cheese, no cream cheese, no pizza with cheese, no parmesan cheese, no Cheez-Its, not even shitty soy cheese.

Needless to say, tonight I am feasting on Mac ‘N Cheese with a side of wine and cheese and cheese for dessert. Tomorrow’s withdrawal will be some tragic Intervention-style shit. Pray for me.

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30 Squared

Last night, I turned 29 on the 29th, so I invited a bunch of friends to Friendly’s to watch me drink 29 beers (kidding about that last part). About 20 friends could come – not bad for a snowy Saturday!

I always get a little nervous when I mix groups of friends, but my main gang (Jen, Ron, Niki, Dustin, Nick, Jessica, Katie, Joe, Fritz, Jenny, Graham and Erin), a few Squids (Justin, Olivia, Erik, D. Mike and Courtney), Vee from work and even my old prom date Ty all seemed to get along. I was really touched that so many people braved the weather to come out. It made this birthday one of my most memorable.

A lot of my friends are teachers, so I’m not going to post a bunch of (admittedly tame) bar pictures here, but last night Erin wanted to recreate the following Friendly’s picture, which our friend Mike described as, “a Mount Rushmore of women who don’t piss me off”:

Does this mean I’m Teddy Roosevelt? Love it. Also I just noticed that it says “Hoegaarden” in the background.

I don’t think Erin’s ever seen me tipsy before so she’ll tell you I was trashed, but I’m pretty proud of how drunk I didn’t get after sitting in a bar for 5 hours. I didn’t even have a hangover this morning!

Like last year, I got lots of cool presents including the world’s cutest dancing flower from Jen, cool trinkets from Katie, zines from the fab Jenny Longshot, and more. Justin gave me something I’ve been wanting for a long time:

YES! I love this thing! And man, I love giant meetups in South City! Thanks for the great birthday everyone!


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Just Call Me Mr. Butterfingers

Introduced Justin to UHF last night.* My brother and I were obsessed with this movie growing up. Weird Al was my first concert and they played a lot of UHF clips between songs.

We did (and still do) the best impersonation of this guy. I firmly believe that :33 is still the funniest moment in cinematic history:

*Other movies I have introduced him to:

Sixteen Candles
Mean Girls

and coming someday…



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I Should Really Remember to Write These Before I Take My Sleeping Pill

Neck is slightly better. Worked out again; 3 days to go. Tomorrow I am 29. Me want food.

Today I remembered the Mimosa pudica plant, a super cool species that I was introduced to in Belize. I mentioned them here.

I found a kit and I am going to grow some this spring, omg!

Anyway, here’s a video:

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I Remember. The Poop.

This weekend Justin introduced me to Me and You and Everyone We Know and this part (which is probably NSFW and falls into my disturbingly undisturbed category) made me laugh so hard that I couldn’t even make noise:

That kid is pretty hilarious, no matter what he’s saying. I think he won a Best Supporting Actor award for this somewhere:

Returning to Erin’s 6-Degrees obsession for a minute: the dad in that film, John Hawkes, starred in an awesome movie Buttleman, written and directed by my friend/Sludgie boss Francis Stokes. So I am three degrees from that kid. Yay!

We watched the movie through the window of a tent in the middle of his living room, which was pretty sweet even though the floor hurt our backs. I haven’t laughed til my sides hurt in a really long time. I’ve also been running for the last 3 days after a 2 month break, so my legs are killing me.

It was nice to be in incredibly bad pain for incredibly wonderful reasons.


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When Life Gives You Lemons

Few things in this world delight me like Andrew WK’s Party Tips on Twitter.

That said, I am dying of curiosity about this this one:

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Today, You’re The Best Around

Sorry for a list, but Justin is on his way over and we have champagne to drink! Here’s why today is the best:

1. I JUST PAID OFF AN $18,000 CAR LOAN 1 YEAR EARLY. That’s like a whole extra paycheck for me!

2. I got a new computer at work today – a computer made in this century that can actually support the Internet, as opposed to my old computer than ran on Firefox ver. 1/2.

3. I ran today! I am out of shape and totally sucked at it, but I hobbled around for an hour and have a total runner’s high.

4. Erin posted our conversation yesterday on her blog, which is something I do all the time but have never had done to me.*

5. They are playing The Room at The Tivoli in March! I’d like to think this is all because of me.

6. Pretty much best hair day ever.

7. I finally braved the Whole Foods in Brentwood to buy soy sausage, and made the most bombass breakfast for dinner ever (at least, the best under 300 calories).

Oh Today I Love You XOXOXO

*That’s what she said.

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“I Thought I Would Take Her Ahp On Eet, Hahaha”

Exactly 6 months ago today, Justin invited me to sneak into that little movie theater room at Webster U to watch our mutual favorite movie, The Room.

Afterwards, we stopped by Weber’s for a drink. 3 drinks later, he asked me if I’d like to go out again. So today is sort of our 6 month anniversary? Hooray! I realize this is incredibly cheesy, but it’s important to note for 3 reasons:

1. It’s been almost a year since I centered my birthday party around The Room and had one of the best birthdays ever.

2. Janet and Courtney bragged about my party to Justin, who then asked me, “What is The Room?” This was our first conversation ever and apparently sparked his crush on me. Thanks, The Room.

3. It has been almost 15 years since I had a decent 6 month anniversary:

I don’t know if I ever told you guys what happened with me and Pat, but the gist is this – we hung out almost every day for 6 months. People would refer to him as my boyfriend or me as his girlfriend and he wouldn’t flinch. However, after 6 months I needed clarification: “AM I your girlfriend?” He replied, “I don’t know, we haven’t talked about it yet.” Then he avoided me for like two weeks. I called him out on this and we “broke up”.

Brian and I got together in London when I technically still had a boyfriend back home, so during our 6 month “anniversary” I was in another state, probably hanging out with my actual boyfriend.

THAT boyfriend got drunk and passed out on our 6 month anniversary, AS USUALLY.

In fact, the only decent 6 month anniversary I’ve ever had was during my first long relationship ever… when I was 16. Mark and I celebrated by going out to the movies – National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation. Romance!

SO I AM TAKING THIS SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY AND OWNING IT, DAMMIT. In honor of our happiness and the movie that brought us together, I will spend the whole day punctuating each sentence with a Tommy Wiseau laugh:

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No Topanga, No

If there’s one thing about “celebrity news” that bothers me (besides celebrity babies), it’s news stories about how an actress “struggled” with her weight, when in reality her problems were nothing compared to the struggle of an average woman.

I think this started with my arch-enemy Maria Menounos, who claimed that she was “practically obese” at 155 lbs. in college and could *gasp* eat four pieces of pizza at once! About a month later, I read a story where she talked about how hard it was to have a diabetic father. At the time, I was probably 160 lbs. and had a blind diabetic father, and I was like fuck you Maria Menounos. And fuck you, media. Where the hell is my Us Weekly cover?

This week, my beef is with the author of a recent People article about Danielle Fishel, who played Topenga on Boy Meets World. And I mean, I like Danielle Fishel! I think she is gorgeous!

In the article, she claims that after topping out at a ghastly 140 bs., she “struggled” with her 112 weight, and has now “accepted” her weight of 126 lbs. I rolled my eyes out of my head when I read this article because:

1. I would choke a bitch to weigh 126. And if we’re being honest, I would choke a bitch to weigh 140!

2. I know it’s catty and evil to comment on this, but I find it hard to believe that her “curvy” “real” weight is 126. (And let me stress this, I don’t think she’s fat.) Maybe I just don’t want to believe it. Because it would be too sad if she was that stressed about weighing exactly what she should weigh. Fishel is 5’1 – an inch shorter than me. I know that everyone is shaped differently and the camera adds 10 lbs., but does anyone remember that week I weighed 125? Or even the year I weighed 135? I was rocking a size 2 and 4!

3. The article barely mentions the time she weighed 89 lbs. and passed out on the set of Boy Meets World. I’m sorry, but when you consider coping with a tubby 126 lbs more of a struggle than starving yourself into unconciousness? You’re part of the problem. I want to punch whoever wrote this.

4. The part that angers me the most is when the writer claimed that Fishel, after a bikini photoshoot, “GORGED HERSELF” on a meal of “grilled cheese, french fries and a milkshake.” Yes, “gorged”. Is that really what gorged means these days? Granted it’s a crap meal with a days worth of calories, but it’s also an entree, side dish and drink. To me, gorged means more than one meal at a time, like a whole pizza or a box of Entenman’s donuts or whatever else people eat in Lifetime movies.

Sorry to rant. I’ve been on this mission to lose 40 lbs (which will place me at the exact BMI recommended for someone my height and age) and I’ve had to defend this decison around people (most of whom are at least 6 inches taller than me and will therefore always consider me “tiny”) and I really want a quesedilla from Qudoba today and I’m sad that I can’t and I’m just this hungry fat fatty with fat on the brain.

*To be fair, I should probably hate their PR reps more than anyone else. Or like, society. But it should be illegal to participate in an article like this unless you were actually obese or at a weight that would cause health problems.


Filed under Botheration, Pop Goes The Culture

People Often Laugh At Dog Snuggies

But they always fail to mention the best part:

On the back of the box, there’s a picture of dogs playing Backgammon.

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Enjoy This While It Lasts

These were always my favorite parts of the show, but apparently they aren’t included on the DVDs because of copyright issues. MAN, why have I never wasted an evening watching all these clips? There are dozens of them on YouTube. It will probably be deleted in a week or two.

Back when my parents were extra religious (and *cough* before television remotes became a necessity), I used to watch Beavis and Butthead on the lowest volume, sitting three inches away from the TV so I could (a) hear it and (b) change the channel fast enough to not get busted.

Justin and I have been watching The State lately and we started talking about MTV’s weird copyright problems… like, my favorite (shut up) Real World/Road Rules seasons will probably never make it to DVD because the soundtracks include thousands of clips and the rights would be impossible to obtain today.

Heck, if Freaks and Geeks can salvalge the majority of their soundrack for DVD release, then fucking Music Television should be able to pull it off. And you know, if Girl Talk can get away with sampling every song in existence, early-to-mid 90’s bands should just deal with their 10 second clips that play while Puck and Rachel flirt or whatever. In fact, they should be grateful! I would forget that half those bands even existed if it wasn’t for the VHS marathons I still come across at my parents house.

100 bucks says that video is deleted before I hit “publish”.


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The Year Without – Update #1

I’ve actually worked out every day this month so far, assuming I find time to work out today. Hula hooping, workout DVDs, free weights, the ab roller, etc. SOUNDTRACK!:

There have been three days where I was beyond exhausted and didn’t want to work out at all… on those days I did 3 sets of pushups. (Whenever I do a workout DVD, pushups are the part that totally kills me, so while it’s a small exercise, it’s something I desperately need.) But there were also at least 8 days where I worked out for over an hour. So yes, technically I’ve worked out in some form for the last 2 weeks.

My roommate just bought an elliptical and he’s been encouraging me to use it. I think he wants some competition. And the snow has finally melted enough to where I can run on the track. I did the elliptical last night for a half hour and DAMN, I have missed serious cardio and my iPod. This will do so much good for me, mentally and physically.

I haven’t lost much weight – which sucks because I’m on a serious mission to do just that – but hopefully the harder workouts will have some effect. I don’t want to talk about my weight until I’m at least 1/4 towards my goal, but it’s there. Please don’t feed me.

As Billy Blanks would say, “Double Time!” The first half of this month was about getting myself into the mindset of working out every day. Just do something; no excuses. Now I’m ready to kick it up a notch. I have the feeling I’ll be carrying this habit into February. We’ll see.

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Schuper Schweet!

AAAGGGHHH YOU GUYS I just started reading the Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8 comic books and omigoooooooodddd they are so awesooooome. I bought issues #1-#25 (grouped into 5 paperback books) and they came yesterday and I’m already halfway done with book 4.

I’ve known about the comics for a while but had been putting them off – the idea just seemed like fan fiction to me? Like they would be lame? Plus there were all these spoiler alerts and rumors floating around that made me think this was geared directly to teen boys (Ira Glass, in this TOTALLY KICK ASS INTERVIEW, gleefully calls Joss out on the fact that in each issue, the boobs get exponentially bigger).

I don’t remember what sold me on the series exactly… I suppose I just never thought about the fact that Joss and all my favorite writers were involved. It honestly feels like I’ve reunited with a bunch of old friends – not just the characters, but this whole amazing universe full of inside jokes, phenomenal writing and hilarious throwaway material, like a reference to The Immortal (on page 3!) or Giles in a Yellow Submarine Sweater:

You guys. It is perfect. I am in heaven. A retainer-wearing, Stridex pad rockin’, level-15 dwarf faerie princess heaven.

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Thom Yorke Laughing

Presented without comment:

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Let’s Talk About Lead Poisoning

Alternate Title: Let’s Passive-Aggressively Bitch About My Living Situation

My drunk roommates have been sanding paint off of cabinet doors in the basement all morning. Then they realized, hey, this house is from the 1920’s. Should we maybe test for lead?

So my question is, the lead dust is confined to a corner in the basement and I am upstairs, and I have an ionized air filter blasting in my room… so will I live you guys?

Also, I believe we ARE getting another roommate in April despite someone promising me that we weren’t. And while I will welcome the cheaper bills and rent – and know that I will be moving by the end of the year so it’s not that bad – I am still pretty pissed that I was tricked into giving up my 4-mile commute and cheap, huge apartment to live in a motherfucking clown car.

So anyway, lead poisoning. Should I move out for the week or will I live?


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Pantone Drawer

One night, right when Justin and I first started dating, I was wondering out loud about what color I should paint my room.

“This might help,” he said, opening up a small drawer in front of his work bench. “It’s just this thing I made.”

Oh, just this thing he made. With numbers on the bottom of each square that match a paint jar on the shelf. That’s all.

And that’s when I realized that I may have just found someone cooler than TSGOC. Who knew that was possible?


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There Is This Limbo …

… between a terminal illness and something you can recover from. My dad’s been there for at least two months. One day he’s dying, the next day he’s getting fitted for prosthetics. One day we’re making life support decisions and I’m signing Power of Attorney papers, the next day he’s planning on moving to Arizona. One day I’m holding his hand and crying, the next day I’m reading him a 300 page book about Abe Lincoln, with every intention of finishing it.

My mom calls me pretty much every day for updates or to ask for help, and if she doesn’t hear from me she gets worried. Most 28 year-olds don’t have to check in with their parents every day and it is starting to frustrate me a lot, even though I know that if that’s my biggest problem then I’m a lucky person. (I’ll leave out the part where my grandmother leaves 15 minute passive aggressive messages on my voicemail).

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m having a real ass of a day and thank God Janet posted this fancy puppy date rape movie:

Apparently there is also a limbo between terrifying and totally precious, and that’s where this video lives – right between Tina Chen and a drunk Vern Troyer.

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Holy Crap, It’s 2010

Day 100 of this seems like it should be some sort of big deal and I’m feeling a lot of pressure, so I’ll just post this picture of Ron and his awesome New Years outfit:

There you go. Best post ever.

New Year’s Eve was pretty cool. Same place and people as last year. Though this year, Justin and I stopped by a cute corner bar on Arsenal to hang out with Brent and Sarah beforehand, where I was informed that the four of us are starting a Beatles Rock Band band.

Last year I was pretty broken hearted and sad and this year I was quite the opposite, so that was a fun difference. I want to say that I felt triumphant snuggling with my boyfriend in front of a dude that once broke my heart, but the truth is when you’re really in love, you stop caring about those guys altogether… they just fade into the group with everyone else. That was a nice feeling.

Everyone keeps talking about how creepy Dick Clark was, but I actually thought he looked great? I guess I’m just used to much worse.

I was tipsy enough to convince myself that I wanted a cigarette, but I couldn’t even get through half of it. That knowledge was worth the back-tracking, I think.

At midnight, we popped outside to light big sparklers and listen to all the South City guns. SOOOOO many guns. LOL?

Brent and Sarah came by later and it was fun to finally introduce them to Katie and Joe. They had a long conversation about trash pick ups or whatever homeowner neighbors talk about.

Katie’s brownies made me want to marry Katie. Someone blew a .35 on my breathalizer, which probably indicates that it was a great party.

But no matter how fun New Year’s Eve gets, it’s still sorta lame without the Jersey Boys. I need to ring in 2011 with Jersey boys, dudes! Bring your Jersey/Brooklyn/Austin girls, too!

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What’s Nice

Back when my dad was in the nursing home… location #5 out of 12, I believe, I took Justin to meet him for the first time. My mom was there, too.

“You know what’s nice about being here, Stephie?” he asked.

“What?” I said as I turned him on his side, trying not to hurt his second freshly-amputated leg.

“Your mother lets me watch any football game I want.” he bragged, and we all laughed.

So along those same lines, you you know what’s been good about all this crap with my dad and all these hospital visits and waiting rooms?

Now I feel like my mom is one of my best friends.

And while I would still give anything for my dad to not be sick… it’s nice to focus on one of the few gifts that came out of it.

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