THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT B*TCH

I’d like to say I learned valuable lessons by not eating cheese or anything cheese-flavored for one month. That I feel different. That I don’t need it.

But that’s bullcrap. Here’s why cheese is important: it makes healthy eating tolerable and enjoyable.

A salad? Throw some cheese on that bitch! Low-fat turkey sub? Throw some (throw some) cheese on it! Broccoli? TSCOTB! Egg whites? Rich Boy sellin’ crack!

Shoot, even a sprinkle of parm will turn any tummy frown upside down. A spoonful, even by itself? Heaven.

This whole month, I suffered from The Hunger and it forced me to eat worse than I’ve eaten in years… probably since I worked for McDonald’s. Guacamole (healthy, but fatty), no-cheese gyros, McNuggets… I craved creamy and or meaty/savory/salty things all month. A 24/7 PMS, ediblely speaking. I gained back all the weight I lost in January from working out every day.

I am soooo looking forward to low-calorie foods that taste like the fattest of Fat Kid Maneuvers. Salads with a half serving of Kraft Crumbles. A single cheeseburger with an apple on the side. A bomb-ass breakfast for dinner with soy sausage, egg whites and a dash of cheddar. Lean Cuisine’s 5-Cheese Rotini (which I could honestly eat daily and be happy).

Tomorrow I will begin healthy eating, continue my daily elliptical/pushups/crunches combo, drink an assload of water and probably go through some sort of alcohol withdrawal.

But today… I feast. V and I are hitting up our favorite work lunch spot, Russell’s, for some of his glorious baked mac ‘n cheese. Not sure what I’m doing for dinner, but I know it involves a block of Collier’s Welsh Cheddar and some privacy.