On Saturday, Nick and Jessica got married. No, not that Nick and Jessica. Our Jessica is super smart, and our Nick has a monumentally impressive taste in music. They also booked the best reception hall I’ve ever seen – the Botanical Gardens! It was a really great time and for once, I had a hot date! Some highlights:

  • Stephie mixes up the church on WoodBINE with the one on WoodLAWN. With 5 minutes to make the correction. Oops.
  • Get to church the exact second the wedding starts. Forced to sit in back with reggae band (kidding, I like those guys).
  • Guestbook Jen mouths to us, “I signed you in.” *Wink* *Thumbs up*
  • Ron rocks fierce Desmond Hair as Best Man.
  • Stephie gets to tell her favorite filthy joke involving bubbles for the 5th wedding in a row.
  • Arizona Erin!
  • Stephie guards wedding party table and abuses open bar til friends arrive.
  • Ron gets lots of laughs with his Best Man Speech.
  • Stephie requests a glass for her beer in an attempt to be classy. Everyone taunts Stephie about her gigantic glass. Classy Fail.
  • 8 year-old girl hits on Joe: “Hiiii. Hiiiii. These are my dancing shews. Hiiiii.”
  • “Katie, who’s that girl talking to your man?”
  • Mesquite-flavored shrimp makes Stephie and Justin crave cigarettes.
  • Everyone lines up for the Dollar Dance, expecting a slow song. “You Sexy Thing” blares through the speakers. Everyone makes a Sam Weir face:

  • Justin possibly does The Elaine while dancing with the bride.
  • Best Man Ron taunts Maid of Honor with a fan of dollars.
  • 8 year-old requests “Party in the USA”.
  • Tony sings and dances to Party in the USA with sheer unironic abandon.
  • Said Tony later, “When you hear her laugh you know the song is over, and that’s when I feel the sadness coming back.”
  • DJ complements Nick for his fantastic musical selections.
  • Friends and I wander around the Botanical Gardens in the dark! Spooky!
  • Top Secret Cool Kids Meetup in a Top Secret Garden. All couples forced to be photographed in the “Fertility Chair”.
  • Megan keeps diligent lookout for cake.
  • All the single men beg engaged Dustin to “take one for the team” and catch the garter.
  • Hot couple Jen and Dino catch the bouquet AND the garter.
  • Justin boasts that he could have easily caught the garter, but didn’t think it would be fair to people with shorter arms.
  • Justin and I have our first dance to the most bomb-ass love song of all time, “Everything I Do” by Bryan Adams.
  • 8 year-old gives my boyfriend goo goo eyes during slow dance.
  • “Steph. What do I do? Why is she doing that? Make her cut it out!”
  • Toddler stands by sliding doors for 20 minutes, baffled and offended that the doors open for everyone but him.
  • Tony almost barfs through his nose when he tries to make the “whoa whoa” sound in “Living on a Prayer”.
  • Dustin serenades Niki with “The Humpty Dance.” Using his pelvis.

I’ve noticed that the less I smoke and drink (and the less my friends smoke and drink)(and the less I’m single)(and the less Heebner is there), the less scandalous these wedding rundowns will be. However, it was equally as fun.

Once upon a time, Nick and I logged many hours at Winifred talking about heartbreak and wondering if we’d ever find the right people, or at least someone who would treat us right. So it was really great to watch him marry someone as awesome as Jessica and see him end up so happy. Congratulations!


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