Analyze This Foot Up Your Ass

I went to the new shrink last night. The first thing that I noticed was she was wearing shoes that she could barely walk in. Then when I got to her office, I noticed a huge sign on the wall that said “It’s time for some SOLE searching” with a picture of a giant high-heeled shoe. And then, in the chair: “If the shoe fits, buy it in every color!” was literally embroidered on a pillow.

As I type this, I am barefoot. Clearly she is not my people.

The problem for me regarding a new shrink is, and I hate to sound like an asshole here, they tend to underestimate me and I feel like they’re talking down to me when they try to give me advice.


The first full-time shrink that I tried out last year told me that I was, without a doubt, the most self-realized person she had ever met. I appreciated the compliment, but that’s when I realized that I wouldn’t get anywhere just talking to her about feeling helpless. I had to actually go do something. So I quit seeing her, and put all my energy towards throwing a big ass concert to help my mom.

Therese, the one I liked so much, met me when I was at my most depressed and anxious. She’s the one who pointed me towards the Ten Twisted Forms of Thinking and totally changed my life. She watched me lose 40 pounds. Quit smoking. Handle my dad’s heart surgery. Then one leg. Then the other. She watched me finally turn heartbreak into a positive motivator, and fall in love again. She would say, “I know you can get through this, because I’ve seen you handle worse. And you usually solve the problem yourself just by talking it out. So just come here and vent. Okay?”

So when I say out loud, “I’m not really bothered by the no-legs thing anymore,” she knows that I mean it. That at this point, I’ve got an expert handle on things that would permanently traumatize other people.

This lady? Was immediately convinced I was repressing things with my dad, that it was the root of all my problems. She drew a (I’m sorry, there is no other word and I mean this in its most literal definition) retarded little diagram about visualizing my feelings, something that I learned in 9th grade Intro to Psychology.

“Look,” I told her. “I’m not repressing anything. I get sad about it, and I realize how important it is to allow myself to be sad. I don’t hold it in, even when I’m in public. By this point, all I need is 30 seconds of tears with my back turned to the room. Once it’s out, I feel fine again.”

She pointed out that I didn’t even cry when I witnessed the doctor tell my parents that they had to take the second leg. Um, THAT is repression, she said.

“My family has survived blindness, unemployment, amputated toes, heart surgeries, and by that point, one leg. It sucks for a while, yes. You have to adjust every part of your day. But you get used to it, and within a year, it’s normal again. You take it step by step. But it’s just one more thing to learn and deal with, is all. Sure, I mourned. I cried privately. I got sad, and I let myself be sad. But the last thing they needed to do in that moment was comfort me. And getting hung up and angry and depressed does nothing. It’s jumping into the process that helps.” I left out the part where if she “um”ed at me again, my “sole searching” would involve kicking her in the face.

I have this ongoing fear that Justin will be in a car accident. I told her about this, and mentioned that while it might be related to my dad, it’s really related to two people I know who lost their husbands to car accidents in the last year. She “um”ed that it was obviously related to my dad’s sickness, the unresolved fear of him dying, daddy issues, and my own fear of death.

“UM, I watched my friend cry about losing her husband, and now that I’m in love and I’ve met the person I’m going to marry, I can imagine how it feels and it terrifies me. And I’ve dealt with my dad’s inevitable death. We thought he was going to die on Christmas. We talked to the counselors about end of life decisions. Then one day he was sitting up and joking around again. And I mean, he’s been “dying” my whole life. I’ve had every single day to prepare myself. But that’s not something you can ever fully deal with until it happens, and now that I’ve realized that, I’ve stopped worrying about it. You just have to get yourself to a place where you can be confident that you can handle it. You develop a back-up personality that can whisper in your ear, ‘It will suck, but then you will be fine.’ And you know what? I will miss him, but at least he won’t be in pain anymore, or stuck in his bed, completely helpless. And my mom won’t have to work her life away. And so when I miss him, I know I’ll need to focus on those two things. THAT is how you prepare for death. So when I’m worried about Justin, I don’t picture that stuff. I just picture my friend crying about her husband, and I don’t know how to get rid of that feeling. So, that’s what I need your help with.”

She complimented me on my “techniques” with a chirp, the way I imagine she compliments her girlfriends on their peeptoe pumps. Then she wanted to talk to me about my job. Man, it’s 5 o’clock. I don’t wanna think about work.

I mean, all I want to deal with right now is living with two cranky septuagenarians that have every damn right to be cranky, and learning to relax and just enjoy the first healthy, mature relationship I’ve ever had.

I guess my main problem – and I think this is valid, because while I’m annoyed that people underestimate me, I shouldn’t expect them to know how well-adjusted I am – is that she tried to sum up the source of all my problems and give me advice within 30 minutes of meeting me. And whether she blamed my dad’s disease or my job or a childhood trauma or whatever, it would still be insulting, because that’s not what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to listen.

Maybe I should just stick to handling it like a dude. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna throw on some unfashionable thrift-store Reeboks and go talk to my hedge trimmer about this.

Everybody Look At Me

On Sunday, the movers brought my big desk over to Justin’s. We had to move the couch out of the way so they could get it to the back of the loft.

And then we accidentally discovered the greatest thing in the world for a Lazy Sunday – a Couch Boat!

Everything is better in a Couch Boat.* Eating lunch, sippin lemon-lime ice water, snuggling, playing with Chancey, watching the end of The Wire Season 2 … even the part about Frank was less traumatic, all thanks to the Couch Boat. Dude, I didn’t care about my poofy eye when I was in the Couch Boat! (Still poofy, btw.)

Justin and I have decided to make the Couch Boat a lazy day tradition. A TV tray has already been rescued from the Charity Pile in my basement because it’s the perfect Couch Boat accessory. I have the feeling that when we buy new couches, the deciding factor will be whether or not we can turn them into a Couch Boat. I mean, Couch Boat is a member of our family now. I love you, Couch Boat.

*Every time I read this sentence, it sounds like Charles Barkley at the Cheesecake Factory to me. Girl, that’s a menu.

http://www.hulu.com/embed/CLdokDxaaIGXYypDcyLrrg

Digging It Out

There’s nothing worse than feeling anxious and deciding to call your shrink, and then learning that she went back to teaching and doesn’t work there anymore.

Well okay – if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my shrink, it’s that there are worse things. But it still sucks. I liked her so much, and one visit every 6 months was all I needed to stay on track. I’ll miss her.

It’s stressful being around my parents every day and seeing exactly what they have to go through all of the time. It’s starting to wear on me a bit (hence, the shrink), but for the most part I’m diving into all of the physical labor and that keeps me sane. I’m handling this like a dude.

I’ve already put in 6 hours of work and I’ve only been there for 2 days. I’m confident that I can do all of this in half of the time that I have. And while I’m sure I could call in a few friends and knock out some of these projects in a day, I feel like it’s important for me to do most of this on my own.

Every since my dad got really sick and I started helping them a lot, people always remark that I’m such a good daughter. But the truth is, I was a really shitty daughter for a very long time. I wasn’t the worst and I was probably a typical teen, but I was sleep deprived, cranky and anxious, and I took that out on them daily. I was also messy and destructive and hung out with creeps. I spent a lot of their money. I got bad grades. I got in trouble a lot and now that I’m an adult, I can see how that reflected poorly on them and caused a lot of embarassment.

So how cool is it that I can go back to their house – not as a failure, but as a favor – and try to rectify that? Clean up the mess I made, one trashcan at a time. Make up for 15 years of crappy yardwork in four months. Put up with their stress and their bad moods and be the patient, forgiving one for once. Do their dishes. Fold their laundry. Run their errands. It doesn’t make me feel like a good daughter, it makes me feel like I’m being the daughter they deserved all along. So for me, the sweat and the bruises and the muscle aches are just a part of it. And I love every second.

However, I’m going to smell a little bit like basement for the next four months. It’s gross. I know. I’m sorry.

Justin wants to go see Toy Story 3 tomorrow night. However, in the next few weeks I’ll be throwing away all of my basement-smelling stuffed animals – plus I am PMSing – and from what I’ve heard about the movie, the combination of the three would make me a suicide risk.

Either way, you’ll probably be hearing more about my stuffed animals soon. Ugh. I take back what I said about the shrink; this part is the worst. I should probably get it over with sooner than later.

Home Semi-Sweet Home

So yesterday I moved and then weeded the entire side of the garage in 95° heat; what did you do? It’s the first day of summer and my first full day back home. The Summer of Obligational Love has officially begun.
~~~*~~~

Saturday night, Justin came over after his Frontyard gig. It was around midnight and I had just finished off a few beers and an entertainment center*. We had both skipped dinner and were exhausted, so we decided to order Elicia’s pizza and eat it outside.

It took a few slices before we realized that this was almost exactly what we were doing when he asked me to be his girlfriend – we had taken a break from painting my room to eat some Elicia’s in the backyard. Also, we realized it was 11 months since we watched The Room and he asked me on a date. So it felt like a very appropriate way to end my South City adventure.

~~~*~~~

My dad wanted a radio for Father’s Day and I visited four stores trying to find one. Finally, Justin suggested the Radio Shack next to my house, duh. However, even Radio Shack is running out of radios; they only had one model that included speakers, an AC adapter and an earphone jack. AAANNNDDD it cost me $80 (on sale from $99). It’s a super dope Shortwave radio and my dad is worth it, but still. I was expecting them to cost $10 at this point, not be nearly extinct.

I was so taken aback that I went to the store to buy an angry beer and a King of the Hill. As I huffed past the rack full of gift cards, I bumped into it and caused gift cards to sploosh everywhere. This was the same day that my giant umbrella turned inside out and I had to shove the whole thing in my car during a midwest hurricane. Not my finest moment.

~~~*~~~

Not going to lie, moving back in with my parents is 75% awesome. (The other 25% belongs to my mother, who acts incredulous about absolutely everything I do. Everything.) There’s something so weird about living in the exact room where I spent high school and college, with half of the same furniture. My basement pad is so huge and cool and cozy. If there was a working toilet in the basement, I might consider staying forever.

I picked a great month for No Facebook; my parents’ computer is upstairs and, combined with the fact that I was never on Facebook when I lived at home last time, I’ve reverted back to whatever entertained me back then and I no longer have that constant itch to go online. My entertainment consists of a few books and my DVDs. Currently I’m re-watching Freaks and Geeks, though I’m debating making July TV-Free.

*The entries I linked to will probably be better when blog-city fixes whatever broke my pictures (it took about a week to fix last time around).

All I Need

Okay, Pepe le Pepper.

Let’s do this.

Almost Done!

Oh, just drunk and kicking apart this gigantic furniture; whatchoo doin tonight?

Jealous

Janet texted me and said that Tommy Wiseau called her beautiful and held her hands.(!!!)

Extremely happy for Janet, but a little 😦 . And fed up with thees worrruuullld.

The Thing About Jen

Here’s the remarkable thing about Jen: I’ve been her friend for almost a decade (though, we’ve had mutual pals for 16 years), and I have never heard anyone say a single bad thing about her.

To top it off, I’ve never even thought anything bad about her. She has never annoyed me or hurt my feelings or said/done something to make me cringe.

I can’t say that about many other people, including myself. I mean, everyone annoys everyone sometimes. Everybody vents. Friends and family members argue. People put their foot in their mouth. People just hang out too much and get sick of each other. I know I can be a dick. You get used to forgiving, forgetting, tolerating, and ignoring behavior. Jason and I fight like pros and end up cooking for each other an hour later. Hell, I had the same BFF for 22 years before I realized that I actually didn’t like her at all. Part of any friendship is putting up with the bad, and we all contribute to that.

But Jen? No one says anything bad about Jen. As far as I know, no one feels anything bad towards Jen or because of Jen. I mean, Pat says that he loves her and Pat hates everything. Girlfriend hasn’t caused so much as an eye roll. Oh yeah. She’s that awesome.

Basically, Jen is the best (and hilarious, smart, adorable, thoughtful and astonishingly patient). In terms of people you want in your life, she’s truly as good as it gets.

(Also she has fierce hair and I think her baked ziti got me pregnant?)

At Niki’s bachelorette party the other day, we were explaining how we met and I almost got a little choked up, like, “Holy crap, I am so lucky that I got to be her friend.”

In fact, I love Jen so much that I won’t tell you HOW OLD SHE IS TODAY.

Happy birthday Jen!!!!

The Year Without – Update #6

Now that June is wrapping up (well, halfway through…. I miss Facebook) I’ve started thinking about next month’s goal. And I realize that I did a dumb thing by choosing all of my goals in January. A year can throw a lot at you. Hell, 6 months can change your life, too. When I decided todo The Year Without, I had no idea that I would be moving back home for four months. I also didn’t anticipate that I’d achieve a lot of the goals before I got to that month. Some are now unnecessary, and some would be less challenging and more torture.

So from now on, The Year Without goals will be announced on the first day of the month. I realize this isn’t as impressive as declaring them in January and doing it all, but I can’t, and here’s why:

Old Goal: July w/o Procrastination

This will be the busiest month of my work, so this shouldn’t be a problem. But I also have a few other projects in the works – screenplays, collabs with NPR pals, etc., that I’ve been putting on hold. July will be the month I finish it all. I’ll probably be inside hiding from heat with air conditioning so it will be easier than I think.

Why It’s Changing:

I’ve been procrastinating from cleaning the basement and clearing out my parents’ yard for over two decades. So technically, even attempting this means my goal is set. But I really meant writing projects, and there’s simply no time for this right now. This month will still happen, it’s just TBA. Yes, I am procrastinating on doing my No Procrastination month.

Old Goal: August w/o Instant Food

Janet has inspired me to start cooking more. This is something I’ve already begun, but this month I’m going to cook every meal, unless there’s a special occasion where I have to go out to eat. Hopefully by then I’ll be an old pro at this.

Why It’s Changing

Because, although my mother is a saint above all saints, we still have a traditional mother-daughter relationship. And if I spend all month in the kitchen with my mother peering over my shoulder, one of us is getting stabbed. Not necessarily her. Eventually Justin and I will need to work on merging our mealtimes and shopping lists, so this could be a cool way to do it. TBA.

Old Goal: September w/o Waste

Actively recycling everything I possibly can, eating all my produce before it goes bad, buying products with more environmentally-conscious packaging in mind (like bars of soap instead of bottles of shower gel). Also no wasting money – coupons, sacrifices, etc. Becoming VERY aware of what I purchase in general – do I really need this? This leads into the next month…

Why It’s Changing:

I may still want to attempt this, but let’s be real – by this time, I will be knee-deep in useless basement garbage and might not have the patience to sort it out and drive to various recycling centers or Leftovers Etc. There is just something satisfying about chucking a broken TV and other crap in the garbage and having a clean table with 10 seconds of work. (There are currently 3 broken TVs in the basement if you want to try it, along with 2 computer monitors.*) I may be an evil planet-killer, but I’m not going to be a liar. So, we’ll see.

Old Goal: October w/o Clutter

I’ll probably be moving at this point, into a situation with a worse (albeit cuter) pack rat than me. There is no better time to weed through your crap than when you’re faced with the thought of carrying it all at once to a new location. All unnecessary stuff goes – preferably on eBay. Also, if my mom hasn’t relocated by then, this will be the moment where I attack her basement – a.k.a. Where Couches Go To Die.

Why It’s Changing:

Because by this point, I’ll have just cleaned out that basement with 35 years of bullcrap and about 600 couches. PLUS I’ll be in the middle of moving for the second time in a year (and the third move in 14 months). You would not believe how much stuff I trashed/donated/recycled/gifted while I was on vacation. I’m still anti-clutter, I just won’t have any left. (Except for Justin’s. And it’s massive. Can I tag him into this game?)

I’ve been kicking around a few ideas, like No Sleeping Pills, No Sodium, No Negativity and No TV. But y’all, I’m about to move in with two senior citizens who still think I’m 16, so I’m pretty sure at least one month’s goal will be Not Killing My Parents.

*I realize that I’m making my mom sound like a hoarder. While I may call her this at times, she’s not. (And if you call her one, I will kick your ass.) She just knows there are better places to put things than a trash can, but doesn’t have the time to find that place and put it there. So, she’s been setting things aside in the basement. For 35 years. For… me.

Related: Does anyone know a nice place to chuck a broken TV? Howsabout a 400 lb. plaid couch?

Feel The Burn

Is it weird that I love moving?

(Actually, I should probably say that I love moving when I don’t have to scrub a whole apartment afterward.)

Even though I’ve been in this constant state of trying to accomplish things for the past year or so, this is the first time in a while that I feel accomplished. I think it’s the sweat and the muscle aches and empty rooms I’ve created.

I’m down to one carload left for each location, then movers are taking my Grandpa’s desk the week later. I’m sort of frustrated that I could do the rest tomorrow if it wasn’t for dogsitting and a moving appointment that I made before I realized how much I kick ass at this.

I managed to move my dresser all by myself, without Justin or my mom seeing me and yelling at me about my back or needing help. (I have this habit of moving big things and terrifying my loved ones.)

The other thing I love is the time I get to spend with myself, if that makes sense. I have all my belongings stretched over three places and so the only thing that I have access to at all times is me. Every now and then, you have to do things to remind yourself that, sometimes, the only thing you need is you. (I would prefer to have this epiphany through travel, but I suppose moving into my mom’s basement for honorable, non-poverty reasons is the next best thing.)

I’ve decided that since there are four sides to the yard, four rooms in the basement, and I’ll be there for four months, I’ll focus on one side and one room for each month. (My parents have a huge, overgrown yard and a huge, overstuffed basement.) Considering I gave myself a month to move and I did it in a week… holy crap you guys. I think I can actually do all of this.

Also, because I’m not crazy enough, I just finished week five of Insanity and the psychotic hour-long cardio month starts tomorrow. Can you tell I’m currently shitfaced on adrenaline and endorphins??

He Could Teach You, But He’d Have To Charge

Justin made another mix for me, and he put this on it. Unironically:

Have A Cheery Disposition

I’m not sure if I fully communicated how hilarious it is that my obese future cat likes to care for and snuggle with plastic wind-up babies.

So to further demonstrate, here is Chauncey having a bromantic moment with my 6’4 boyfriend:

And also:

^ Loves dolls. LOVES THEM.

In The Corner, Next To The Catnip

My friends have babies on the brain.

Not all my friends.* But the main crew. You know, the ones who were all couples when I was single? And then decided to all get married when I finally caught up with a boyfriend? And now they be talkin’ baby plans? Dang, y’all! I just got my friends back! It is so hard being cool!

I will probably go through another phase where I don’t have anything to talk to them about. It got so bad with the couples phase – I can only listen to you people compare spooning techniques so much** – that I abandoned them for Squids, and ironically found a boyfriend. (Much more rewarding than the time I abandoned a group of friends because they discovered cocaine, and just played Tetris in my basement all summer.)

While I was sad during the single life, and envious of bridal shower presents, I doubt the jealousy will kick in when I’m watching them with babies. Because babies are hard, and you have to want it bad. And maybe I’ll want it someday, but currently I’m just really excited that I have a buddy to travel with and explore the city and sleep in together and stuff.

For now, Justin and I are sticking with Matilda and Oliver:

Chauncy adores these babies and actually nuzzles with them; we’ve decided that he’s sort of like Nanny from Peter Pan.

*Though, Erin loves it when you joke that her summer flu is morning sickness. Loves it.

**By now I should really have a Jen and Ron Exemption disclaimer prepared to cut and paste into rants like this.

Updates on Everything

1. Insanity Workout, Weeks 3 and 4

Workouts have been going great, although I ate like a little piggy over vacation and haven’t lost any more weight. I have the feeling that the second month will really kick my ass (especially combined with moving and all the upcoming work I have to do). No major improvements, aside from the fact that I’ve truly lost the ability to lay around and do nothing unless I’ve put in a few hours of physical labor and my body is like, “Okay, you earned it.”

2. Moving

Two weeks left til the official moving date – I somehow got suckered into one last weekend of dog-sitting (someone should really tell him that most people pay dogsitters). So, it’s probably the perfect time to pack and move all my stuff, except the desk which will be moved a week later. I have loved living with Jason so much, but I can’t handle coming home to someone who doesn’t talk at all. It just makes me so uncomfortable walking through my front door. I’ve been told that it’s shyness, but after 2 years, it just feels creepy and rude. Moving has been smooth so far, but it’s so strange having my stuff spread out over three places.

3. This Summer

Once moving is over, I really have to start gearing up for a long summer of yardwork, basement work, and eBay hustling. 147 days total. I think I can handle it. (Hey Janet – I’m going to be putting your Find in Portland entry about Yard Sales to good use!) In fact, I’m looking forward to wowing you guys with some before and after pictures. I’ve decided that I’m going to name this phase of my life The Summer of Obligational Love.

4. Me ‘n Justin

OMGSH you guys, it just keeps getting better and better. I started moving all my books, art and dishes to his house and we were so excited about decorating and blending our stuff that our tails were practically wagging. Just when I think I’ve gotten as happy as I can be, he makes me even happier. He’s driving to Poplar Bluff for a Frontyard job tonight, so I’m really worried, but I’m trying to be okay about it. (How funny is it that we live deep downtown near all the crime and spooky streets, but we’re more terrified of redneck meth-heads?) I can’t wait to live with him, so we can start saving money for a partywedding and house and whatever comes next.

5. The Year Without

Last night I had a brief hour or so of Nothing To Do* and I ran out of other things to check on the Internet. I miss my friends. I miss knowing what everyone is up to. I used to be the friend who always knew what was up with everyone, and Facebook made that so much easier for me. Ugh. So, is everyone okay? What are you guys up to? Heard any good jokes lately? Dang, I really should have combined the No Facebook Month with the No Talking About Myself month; it would have made the latter so much easier.

6. The Buffy/Wire Club

We finished Season 2 of Buffy – on to Season 2 of The Wire! Justin was sad to see this round of Buffy end and I’m excited for The Wire to start, which I suppose means everyone wins in Buffy/Wire Club!

* Yesterday morning we got invaded by the 48 Hour Film Project and I spent my morning surrounded by things like paper horse heads and Justin’s insane room of sets and props (which is so impressive, I’m sort of sad that he’s packing it all away to make room for me). He got suckered into cutting scenes all night and I had to wait up for him til about midnight. It’s so weird what a Saturday can throw at you.

Greetings from Goat Doo-Doo Town

Goats are not effing around! Adorable, but ruthless. They will claw their doo-doo hooves all over each other (and you) to get that damn baby bottle. I like that I always have to shoot Justin with goats diagonally. I thought we were going to die. But again, adorable. As soon as I ran out screaming and washed the hoof prints off my jeans, I wanted to go back.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Greetings from Grant’s Farm

Man, I know I’m supposed to be relaxing on my last day of vacation, but I can’t stop organizing and pitching and recycling. And I’m just staring at all my stuff, packing it up in my mind all, “Damn, I could do this all today!”

Anyway. Yesterday I actually did give myself a vacation-ish day. Justin and I had lunch at a little deli on The Hill and then we went to Grant’s Farm – something we’ve been attempting since our first week of dating. So here’s pictures, because I’m trying to relax, dangit.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I love that the week came full circle with another camel. The picture of Trudy B. Busch on an elephant makes me laugh because I knew people who went to school with one of the Busch girls, and they said one reason they hated her was because she used to brag about having all these exotic animals. “Well shut up and go ride your elephant then, ugh,” they’d say.

Ren Fair

I already gave my fully-accurate review of Ren Fair, but I have all these pictures I want to post and nowhere to post them, so here you go – a Ye Olde Picture Payges:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The first thing that suprised me about the Ren Fair (besides the boobs) was all the animals running around. WHAT. There was a big petting zoo, dog adoption and CAMEL RIDES. A lot of Ren Fair folk were impressed by Justin’s stereo camera, but the camel wrangler was especially wowed and they had a conversation about it over like, three camel laps.

The other surprises? People dress up their dogs. I wasn’t expecting pirates (especially ones that own a st”ARRbucks”), but Bonus got a sweet Blackbeard flag for his float trip (“Time kills love.” Also unexpected? Gyros! High Five!

All in all, the Ren Fair was beyond sweet. I’m really grateful for the free tickets we scored from Jen’s parents. Justin completely geeked out, I had a ball, my friends all seemed like they had fun, and we will definitely be back next year – with extra cash for a camel ride.

The Year Without – Update #5

I’ve been bad about keeping up with this, but then again, I was bad about keeping up with April and May in general. Here’s the thing: if my month-long goal is to quit one thing completely or make sure to do one thing completely, then I have no problem. There is nothing difficult about giving up or doing one single thing a month; it sucks the first 3 days and then you’re fine, no matter what it is (unless it’s like, heroin or The Pill).

But doing things sometimes? Is hard. There was no way I could spend an hour or less online every single day (not entirely true, but the hour will run over once you get sucked into obsessively YouTube-ing your new favorite band or whatever). There was absolutely no way I could go the entire month without saying “Me” or “I”, so I gave myself leeway and eventually stopped trying.*

But no Facebook? I can do. In fact, thank God, because I have been so productive today and I probably would have spent the whole day playing Tetris Friends or some shit. Don’t get me wrong, I miss “catching up” with my friends and I really want to post my Ren Fair pictures on there, but otherwise, I’m grateful that I chose this month for my Facebook ban (and apparently there’s a “Boycott Facebook Day” coming up or something? I want to go back in time to January and high five myself for timeliness).

*Since I’m moving this month (and then again in October) and spending all summer cleaning my parents’ basement and yard, I have the feeling I won’t have anything left to do when my October Without Clutter rolls around. So maybe I’ll just pick one word – I’m thinking “I” for reasons that this sentence should make obvious – and try as hard as humanely possible to avoid saying or writing it (except maybe around Justin because that could make living with me annoying).