The Year Without – Update #9

I know my goal was to not pig out this month, but truthfully… I knew that whenever this happened, whatever goal I had would fly out the window. But while I pigged out during his last painful weeks and pigged out on Erin’s mac and cheese, there were also at least 3 or 4 days where I didn’t eat at all. So maybe it balances out? Today might be one of those days, actually. Out of nowhere, I really, really miss him today. I think I’ve been handling this abnormally well, but today is one of those days where the grief feels normal. And normal grief? Is awful.

Not sure what next month’s goal will be. I’ve been drinking my feelings a little bit (especially since I learned Scandalous Rachel is back at her parents’, too. We’ve literally been partying like it’s 1999). So I might do no booze again. Or working out every day, again. Or maybe no TV. Or maybe nothing, because I’ll also have to deal with his birthday and his funeral and spreading his ashes and a certain family member who likes to yell at my mom, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up any resolution with all that going on. Maybe I should just go the Frank and Erik route and STAY POSITIVE.

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