Monthly Archives: November 2010

Hoosier Withdrawl

Ugh, being back home is lame.

I’ll write more about my trip later, after my memories (and all the food I ate) have time to digest. This was my first trip in 3 years and I met 95% of Justin’s extended family in the span of 40 hours, so I was understandably nervous, but I had an amazing time.

I did so-so with my Year Without Goal … though lately my goal has been to boost my metabolism, and I’m pretty sure it’s working since Justin’s mom fed me nonstop and I only gained 1 pound over the whole weekend. I’ve been keeping up with the food logs and workouts and I’ve mostly stayed off the computer at night.

What should my next goal be?

Tomorrow night is Justin’s birthday party if any of you (non-crazies) are interested in coming. I’ve mentioned this before, but he revamped his Rooftop TV club and now it’s at the Mini-Moolah. This Tuesday, the theme is 30th Birthdays! Come help Justin, Danny Tanner, Matthew from News Radio, the gang from Friends and more celebrate their 30th birthday!

I forgot to tell you guys that I saw Black Swan a few weeks early at SLIFF. It was bananas. I’d recommend it to any Aronofsky fans and also to all my male friends for obvious reasons, but otherwise, it was pretty cray cray. It was nice to see Winona, though. Oh, and in case you were wondering? Harry Potter was

Totally bitch gifs via starsweptnight

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Filed under Pop Goes The Culture, The Year Without

It Is Finished.

Last night, I finally finished moving all the entries over.

Look how sad and gutted it looks! 😥

Towards the end, I was like a person moving in real life; I was so sick of it that I started trashing everything, even some stuff I liked.

So let’s all take a moment to reflect on the time I had 548,045  hits, because it’ll probably be another 6.5 years before I reach that again:

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You know it’s a slow day when you’re having two simultaneous IM conversations about Mumbles the Orange.

And you know it’s the future when one of those dudes is in the Dictatorship of Myanmar. TSGoC managed to hack into my blog amidst crazy Asian censorship and discovered his new best friend.

“Oh thank God I reached the Mumbles post,” he said out of nowhere. “I was searching and searching, and it existed.”

~~~*~~~

RIP Shortcake. RIP Mumbles the Orange.

I had tons of other stuff to tell you but my head is swirling; this is the first time I’ve had to pack for a trip in 3 years. Also right now I am all like F#@K BLOGGING

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Some Enchanted Evening

On Saturday night, Justin and I drove up to Moon Dance Farm. Most of my friends were there all weekend chopping down trees (“real men doing real things”, as Sarah P. would say), but Justin had to work Saturday morning.

Halfway there, I felt a little silly. I mean, driving two hours there and two hours back, just to spend 3 hours on a farm in the dark? (If I had known it would be that warm, we would have camped.)

But shortly into our visit, Jen and Nick offered to take Justin and I to Jane’s new house. It’s an Earth Home, built into a hill for unbelievable climate control and efficiency.

We walked across a huge field to get there, at least half a mile, and the moon (a Beaver Moon) was so bright that we didn’t even need a flashlight. It was at the highest point of the land, so we could see for miles and miles, even in the middle of the night. To top it off, one of Jane’s cats (fluffy, black and white, and named after one of the Marx Brothers) followed us dutifully there and back.

That was pretty magical. That was worth four hours in a car.

(Also worth it – throwing handfuls of leaves onto the bonfire coals and pretending to be Hermione Granger when they burst into flames.)

~~~*~~~

Jen and Ron and I are seeing the new Harry Potter tonight. This will be our fifth Harry Potter together. I’ve seen every single Harry Potter with someone from London; isn’t that fancy?

Justin caved and is finally watching the movies so he can see me geek out proper next summer. We’ve watched two so far.

~~~*~~~

I’m about 1/3 through the rubber band ball that Justin gave me for Christmas last year.

Today’s love note? “Wowsville, Population: 2 ” Hee!

~~~*~~~

We’re halfway through remodeling. We bought a new swag lamp for the bathroom and my mother (gladly) gave us the spaghetti swag lamp ( the Disco Lamp!) for the bedroom. The shag rug is purchased and matches the chocolate walls perfectly. I bought some awesome Etsy art for the walls, too:

Art from dsudyka and Mary Kate McDevitt (who also did the “Feels Good To Get Some Stuff Done” print that I have hanging next to my computer).

~~~*~~~

I took my own advice and started running and lifting free weights again. I feel AWESOME! I was proud of myself for making it through Insanity, but I wasn’t feeling a productive burn or seeing any results. Running and free weights just do it for me. I’m running about a mile and a half on most days, though I’ve made it to three. Not bad for a year-long break. But this time around I’m focusing on speed instead of distance. My muscles are constantly aching and I love it I love it I love it.

~~~*~~~

Justin and I had an awesome lazy Sunday with organic banana applesauce pancakes (cooked on my new griddle!) and PJ pants and Buffy. We’re leaving for Indiana at the crack of dawn on Thursday and I’m really excited. I have never been more in love with this guy.

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Speaking of PJ pants, I went on a shopping spree over the weekend and only Anthropologie would make me want to spend $48 on pajama bottoms. (I didn’t, but I desperately wanted to.) (And still might.)

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I’m in the mood to reinvent myself. These days, I’m inspired by everything. I love when that happens. Also: I’m wearing a ruffled tank and ballet slippers and I’m not even wearing a hoodie; what on earth.

~~~*~~~

Only 6 months of entries left to transfer from the old blog to this one! Hooray! They’re all 365 months. Booo.

(Well, almost free.)

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Just The Way You Are

I realized something lovely last night …

Out of all the men I’ve loved, who may or may not have loved me back, Justin is the only one who loves me exactly the way I am.

Tim always wanted me to be this hippy girl with long hair (I look TERRIBLE with long hair). Brian alternated between wanting me to be more sophisticated, or exaggerating my Midwestern side to pretend I was some Eliza Doolittle hick that he could teach about culture. Pat hated my hair long (see above) and my fun t-shirts and my insistence on going barefoot and seeing the positive side of life. I don’t have hard evidence of this but I’m sure they all thought I was fat.

Justin insists that I am perfect, and the only time he gets frustrated is when I’m too hard on myself.

Likewise, I always wanted those guys to change something about themselves (drink less, work more, smoke less, smile more, judge less, call more) and with Justin, I don’t want to change anything.

We still have faults and imperfections, but nothing that stands in the way of a relationship, an obstacle that we want to change. Nothing that makes me say, “He’d be the perfect boyfriend, if only …”

I still want to change plenty of things about myself, and I’ll continue to grow and improve, but it’s refreshing to discover new reasons to appreciate someone you love. I mean, I’ve never had a relationship like this before.

Actually, that’s only half true … Mark loved me exactly as I was, but we were 16 at the time and I wanted him to stop getting into car accidents every 3 weeks. It just wasn’t meant to be.

Also – this is the perfect pop song. If everything on Top 40 was like this, girls might love themselves, or start waiting for someone who loves them instead of putting up with bullcrap:

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All Hands On Roof

Jane told me I needed to update this blog. Hay Jane! I haven’t updated because I’m still transferring entries (64 months down, 13 to go!), and quite frankly, I am sick of myself.

A HUGE milestone happened, though – three months without prescription sleeping pills! I even lowered my melatonin dose from 5mg to 3mg and it hasn’t been a problem. I go to bed around 11 almost every night, sometimes even earlier. Sleeping is a problem I have dealt with my entire life, and now that it’s practically solved, I’m not sure how I should be reacting to this. I will say that initially, a week without sleeping pills seemed more impossible than quitting smoking. I’m extremely proud of myself.

HOWEVER, I’ve been watching The Walking Dead and woof; I need to put that on hold until I’m no longer sleeping in a huge dark basement. I should stick to the Vampire Diaries and Hellcats that I’m used to. Bleeuugh. It’s less the zombies and more the suspense that bugs me; I’m half bored (because obviously the guy will escape everything) and half anxious. I know I’m supposed to like this show because zombies are so in, but I’ve been there done that girlfriends.

I like how I’m more afraid of zombies in the basement of the house where I grew up than I am of moving downtown, where someone totally got murdered at my front door last week. (I go in through the back and I don’t fight over girls/drugs in nightclubs at 3am; I should be safe.)

Justin and I are buying our fun shag rug this week and picking up carpet from his mom when we visit her over Thanksgiving. Then he gets to built me a dream closet, and then I’m ready to move in after Christmas! I’m so excited!

I’m still doing my food log and I’m definitely eating better. I’ve been doing my Insanity workouts, though not every day. It’s just getting to be too much, and after 3 months with minimal weight loss, I don’t really have the motivation that I used to to put my body through Insanity hell. I might do these once or twice a week in the future.

I need to get back into workouts that feel more like therapy, like running and weight lifting. The new Girl Talk album is out and that is pure running juice, so you can bet your ass that I’ll be pounding pavement as soon as I download it. And at some point I want to do P90X (the workouts AND the diet), but that sucker is 3 months long. Next year, for sure.

Other stuff has happened, too, but those are either my friends’ stories or work related, so it’s not my place to write about them. Overall, I’m happy at the moment which means I’m pretty boring.

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Got A Bit of the Boo Hoos

I haven’t been this tearfully PMS-y since, I don’t know, my last big break-up? I’ve cried about 6,000 times in the past 4 days, mostly without reason.

Jen and I check in on each other via email at least once a week. I was going to tell her I’m sad and PMS-y, then realized I send that email to her all the time.

The other day I was a bitch and instantly remarked to Justin, “That was mean of me. My head is hurting, is all. I’m sorry. It’s PMS.”

“You PMS a lot,” said Justin to his first long-term girlfriend.

“Dude, it’s one week every month. That’s one out of four. I will spend a quarter of my adult life feeling like this. (beat) OH MY GOD I’ve never thought about it that way before. THIS IS A TERRIBLE THING TO REALIZE.”

 

(Gif from the totally hypnotizing If We Don’t, Remember Me.)

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Sam I Am

When I started moving everything over to WordPress (4 years down, 2 to go), I realized that I’ve written a lot about my dad and I should probably make a category for it. All the Dad entries are labeled Sam I Am.

My dad’s name wasn’t Sam, but that was his nickname all the way through college. It started when he was a kid, when he was cornered by some bullies. Here he is explaining it:

I shot that video before one of his leg amputations. It was probably the second one. I really didn’t think his body would make it through another surgery like that. He was stronger than anyone imagined. When you’re faced with the idea of losing a parent, you start asking them as many questions as possible. This was one of those times.

I don’t know why I taped it. I DO know that my Grandma was on fire that day (and that, clearly, I am a terrible liar):

I’ve been trying to avoid posting two Dad entries in a row, but I’ve been missing him a lot the last few days. If you’re sincerely bummed out now, then you might want to revisit this old gem. (I got screamed at on the highway to get you guys that one. You’re welcome.)

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3 Cheers for the Weirs – Revisited

It’s been exactly a year since I threw the concert for my parents, and I feel like if I’m ever going to write about it, it might as well be now.

For those of you who don’t know, my dad had both of his legs amputated about 15 months ago, due to Type 1 diabetes. This was after a triple bypass and several vein replacements the year before, not to mention losing an eye two decades earlier. When I first thought about this concert, only one leg was missing and I had hoped to buy a prosthetic with the money. Soon, both legs were gone, he developed a category 4 bedsore, and it became apparent that (because of his blindness), he would require 24/7 care – most likely (and as it turns out) for the rest of his life.

The actual money I raised (around $3,000) paid for a hospital bed, a trapeze bar for above the bed (so he could exercise), a portion of an expensive wheelchair and medical supplies. It was much needed, and I know this because I had to pick up a lot of equipment and run to the pharmacy for him almost daily. My dad was expensive – worth every penny, but expensive. Above, you’ll see the receipt for my first trip to the pharmacy for him – $538.39.

I didn’t write about it right away because I wanted time to let it absorb. Then, around the middle of December, he got sick again. He had gastroparesis, which makes patients feel full even though they haven’t eaten. As a diabetic, eating was essential, and the doctors were having trouble getting a feeding tube to work. The day before Christmas, my brother went to the hospital with my mom to speak to counselors about end-of-life decisions. I thought he was going to die on Christmas. My concert seemed pretty pointless, my initial optimism  seemed childish, and in addition to the sadness, I felt like I had let everyone down.

However, he came home soon after, and aside from one more hospital stay, he spent the last 7 months of his life at home, in the house where he lived for over 30 years. My mom was with him almost 24/7, and when I moved home in mid-May, he got to see me every day, too. He had a lot of visitors and got to spend holidays like Easter sitting at the head of the dining room table, just like he used to. The equipment helped make all of this possible, and the concert helped bring the equipment home, so it was worth it.

Man, when I started this entry, I wanted it to be about the concert itself and all the positivity, but it’s impossible to explain even the facts of my dad’s story without being long-winded and heavy. Anyway:

The concert was amazing. There were so many friends from so many different parts of my life, and I think I even remarked onstage that it was kind of like a wedding in that respect – when would I get all of those people in the same room again? I remember choking up during my speech (and saying, “Shit.” when I did). I told everyone that my family spent so much time sitting around in hospital rooms that we would run out of things to talk about. And when that happened, I would tell them about my friends. My parents knew about almost everything that happened to my friends, and asked about them, too. “How’s Warren’s house?” “How’s Emily’s baby?” “Does Ron like teaching?” “Did Jen get over her cold?”

I told the crowd, “You all mean a lot to my parents, because you mean a lot to me. And it’s really nice that I can tell my parents that the same is true about them.”

I can’t tell you how amazing it was in the weeks leading up to the show – businesses handed over gift certificates without blinking, Off Broadway opened their doors gladly (and for free), friends like Janet and Ann pitched in to make fliers and banners, Rob brought pizza for the bands, and all the musicians/friends I asked to play gladly accepted.  Erin (who was still a relatively new friend at the time) gathered money from her co-workers, promoted the shit out of the show, and brought several friends with her.

Friends bought insane amounts of raffle tickets from my boyfriend (in his cute raffle outfit). I remember one friend buying 40 at once! Oh, here’s one complaint – I kept picking the same 5 winners, no matter how hard I shook that bucket. What the hell? One friend handed me a $100 check on the spot and another friend hugged me and slipped me a wad of cash for just as much.

I also got tons of checks in the mail – one of the first was from my first grade teacher, all the way from Texas. Hell, I even got a huge check from an ex who had every right to hate me. I raised almost twice as much from these checks – a part I wasn’t even expecting as first – than I did from the actual concert.

The staff at Off Broadway was awesome, too. They gave me drinks on the house and the door guy kept diligent track of the amount of guests (80) and the money they gave. He made me pull up to the front door and walked me to the car with all of my cash. And speaking of the cash – have y’all ever walked downtown with a huge stack of bills? I had to, because that’s where my bank is. I thought I was going to die.

Overall, the whole experience was overwhelming. When I got home that night, I was sitting on my bed holding all the money, and I just burst into tears out of exhaustion and gratitude. And as you’ll see from the following video, my mom did, too:

So I know this is about a year too late, and I thanked everyone who needed to be thanked already, but I wanted to reiterate how amazing this was. I knew that putting together a concert would be helpful and therapeutic, but I wasn’t expecting so much support and kindness and positivity. I didn’t have the time or the money to help my parents, so I used what I had – friends. Talented, generous, incredible friends. And what I received from everyone involved didn’t just carry me financially – it gave me what I needed emotionally to survive this last year. So once again, thank you from the bottom (and top, and middle) of my heart.

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Filed under Adventures, Almost Famous, Favorite Stories, Picture Pages, Sam I Am, Videos

The One Where I Ovulated

My boyfriend was Jim Henson for Halloween.

(Photo by the always amazing Sarah Paradise.)

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Let Me Sing You A Waltz

“I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss, and…will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.”

РC̩line, Before Sunset

One side effect of moving these entries from one blog to another (I’m not even halfway through; blerg) is that I’m growing incredibly nostalgic and missing the hell out of a lot of friends, or, in the case of friends I still see, that time in my life when I was first discovering them.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I spent so much time in 2005 and 2006 missing my ex-boyfriend, and the only way I could distract myself was with all of these new people. And while I know that I was miserable during that time and cried every day … these days I can’t remember that sadness at all. All I remember are the adventures and laughter and endless conversations. I was devastated at the time, at least on the inside, but now I look back on it as one of the best times of my life.

Over the weekend, I was hit with this wave of nostalgia and sadness … because I know that unless Justin and I break up, I won’t have an era like that again. It’s a side effect of a healthy relationship that I wasn’t expecting.

50 friends can certainly fill the void that one person left in your heart … but one person, even a boyfriend as perfect as Justin, can’t always fill the void of those 50 people.

That social void is probably best filled by having children and all the resulting exhaustion and fulfillment. But I’m not there yet, so for now, I’m sincerely missing those phone calls and parties and smoke breaks and late night conversations with high school friends, comedians, college pals, Jersey Boys, Squids, work buddies and everyone else that I would be bonding with if I was still unattached and searching for connections of any kind.

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