I realized something lovely last night …
Out of all the men I’ve loved, who may or may not have loved me back, Justin is the only one who loves me exactly the way I am.
Tim always wanted me to be this hippy girl with long hair (I look TERRIBLE with long hair). Brian alternated between wanting me to be more sophisticated, or exaggerating my Midwestern side to pretend I was some Eliza Doolittle hick that he could teach about culture. Pat hated my hair long (see above) and my fun t-shirts and my insistence on going barefoot and seeing the positive side of life. I don’t have hard evidence of this but I’m sure they all thought I was fat.
Justin insists that I am perfect, and the only time he gets frustrated is when I’m too hard on myself.
Likewise, I always wanted those guys to change something about themselves (drink less, work more, smoke less, smile more, judge less, call more) and with Justin, I don’t want to change anything.
We still have faults and imperfections, but nothing that stands in the way of a relationship, an obstacle that we want to change. Nothing that makes me say, “He’d be the perfect boyfriend, if only …”
I still want to change plenty of things about myself, and I’ll continue to grow and improve, but it’s refreshing to discover new reasons to appreciate someone you love. I mean, I’ve never had a relationship like this before.
Actually, that’s only half true … Mark loved me exactly as I was, but we were 16 at the time and I wanted him to stop getting into car accidents every 3 weeks. It just wasn’t meant to be.
Also – this is the perfect pop song. If everything on Top 40 was like this, girls might love themselves, or start waiting for someone who loves them instead of putting up with bullcrap: