I’ve been pretty bummed out for the last few weeks. I don’t have a real reason to be (if anything, I have a billion reasons to be happy), which means that it’s most likely physical. I haven’t been very disciplined about sleep or exercise, and my new office (while awesome, full of awesome people, etc.) is very dimly lit – something that, for someone with DSPS, can be very dangerous, both for my sleep habits and my overall mood.
Plus, I’m about to say goodbye to my dad – again. I’ve been crying about him a lot for the past few weeks, much more than usual. Is it because I’m now walking the same grounds he did for 40 hours a week? Is it because of the trip? Am I sad about him because I’m sad in general, or the other way around?
By age 30, I’ve learned that I am susceptible to depression, and all the tiny elements of it can grow into a storm if I’m not careful. I also know that I’m tough enough to attack this now while I can still see daylight.
So I guess what I’m saying is, rather than doing something new for a month or something silly and crazy, I need to just focus on routine. Sleep. Run. Fruit. Veggies. Light. Discipline. Get used to my new environment, new people and a new daily drill.
I bought a Happy Light. I’m going to the Y tomorrow. I’ve reprogrammed my BodyBugg for a fresh start. I’m going to bed late tonight, but that’s just because I marathoned season one of Fringe this weekend and I’m on the last episode. (I may be depressed, but I’m still me.)
This week will still be uncharacteristically nuts, what with Hurricane Puppet destroying our loft and the trip on Thursday, but for the rest of May, methodical is the drill. If I come out of it feeling more like myself, with less tears, less pounds, and less poof under the eyes, then I did it right.
P.S. Somewhere in the middle of typing this, Osama Bin Laden died?