I Had No Choice

Heather demanded at gunpoint requested that I write about last weekend.

One of my best friends, Ty, had a party last weekend to celebrate his divorce. It was pretty great, the entire old group from high school was there, minus Warren. (Tony, Peter, Adam, Ty, Heather, and me–plus a bonus Jake who is impressively recovering from his motorcycle wreck.) Adam and Heather saw each other for the first time in 10 years and their hug was the greatest thing I’ve seen in a while.

I wish I had taken a picture of the cake; Peter and Tony had Schnucks write “FREEDOM” on the top. This is one of our favorite jokes, because when Ty was grounded for a month during our senior year of high school, we would scream, “FREEDOM!” out the window every time we drove by his house. Sometimes we would take an extra trip around the block to scream it twice.

“Remember that, Cathy?” we asked his mom gleefully at the party, and she just rolled her eyes and laughed. Ty’s mom is awesome.

I did warn Justin in advance: “She will hug you. A lot. And maybe scream. And she’ll tell you that she knew we would get married from our first picture.”

So when Heather and her husband walked in and she spotted him, she paused and said, “I have to be weird. Okay?” Then she opened her arms and waved him over. “Come here.” After the longest hug, she held his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “So, I knew from the first picture …”

I also met Heather’s husband for the first time; he is perfect.

“Stephanie knows me so well,” she told him. “I mean, what do I always want when I’ve had a bad day?” she said.

“My penis,” he answered with no hesitation. Then: “I’m sorry. My enormous penis.”

Later, after Tony proclaimed that his fiance has a “donk”, Heather made us all look at her ass. This happened just before she left, too, in the presence of Ty’s mom and her boyfriend. “LOOK AT IT. IT’S AMAZING. YOU WILL NEVER SEE A BETTER ASS THAN THIS. LOOK AT IT. LOOK.”

Point of story: I fucking love Heather. I’ve known her since 4th grade. She’s a good egg.

Other point of story: Justin survived my friends. He’s a keeper. (Though, he has yet to meet the Scandalous Rach(a)els.)

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1 Comment

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One response to “I Had No Choice

  1. ~Louvre

    Additional point of story: calling Stephanie out about not blogging about an awesome get together only works on facebook. Jersey Boys need to get to gripin’!

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