Pleading the Fifth

Man, am I really down to one entry a month? Is that all I have in me? As I get more and more transparent on Facebook, more vulgar on Twitter, more challenged at work and busier at home, I’m finding it harder and harder to find the time, energy, or even reason to have this blog. But 8 years is too long of a commitment to simply stop (especially since it’s an extension of my legendary journal that I started almost TWENTY YEARS AGO OH MY GOD). At least once a year I go through a quiet phase, and maybe this is just that? No matter what, I’ll find a purpose to keeping this alive … even if it’s simply posting journal entries from 1994 so you can all laugh at me.

The running goal is going … so-so. We’re having a heat wave right now (over a week of 100Β°+ temperatures for the first time since 1988) and even though I run inside year-round, it drains my energy to just be alive in heat like this. However, I think I’ll be able to make it to 100 miles this month. If not, a month and a day. Also, the pain in my calf has finally gone away, so I can stop being one of those creeps who always stretch in public.

The heat is so bad, I was actually relieved to stay indoors and miss all the 4th of July action this year. Though, we did catch a major display from our window. Even though fireworks were banned throughout St. Louis, we could see about 8 simultaneous North City displays from our window. It looked like the end of Fight Club.

Ever since Justin took the citizens class at the Police Academy and learned that gangs have annual picnics, he’s been obsessed, so he was convinced all the fireworks belonged to competing gangs. I even caught him googling “gang fireworks” to prove me wrong. “I think it’s just one of those things that isn’t talked about very much,” he said sadly when the search came up empty.

Also: the Wienermobile! It was parked right in front of my building all day!

Tony’s wedding was incredibly beautiful and insanely fun. Liz and I left the guys at home so we could room together – the first time I’ve seen her in almost three years! Such a great time with all my old friends and Tony’s family – they’ve always treated the whole gang like we’re part of the clan.

Top 5 Moments of Tony’s Wedding Weekend:

5. Amazing fight between some random couple at the hotel. Liz and I spent at least a half hour perched on a chair with our ears pressed to the air vent.

4. Liz requested Beastie Boys, and all our friends rushed the empty dance floor for “Intergalactic”. After that, the dance floor was packed for the rest of the night.

3. Real North Carolina moonshine! I only took one sip of each flavor. Others weren’t so smart. Others weren’t so lucky. Others were much, much more entertaining.

2. Tony, Liz and I did the Romy & Michelle dance.


1. The highlight of the night was when Ty’s new girlfriend said, “The thing I love the most about Ty is that he doesn’t fart or take gross poops like other guys.” RECORD SCRATCH. We then spent 10 minutes recalling the best Ty farts (Ty has a PROBLEM) and laughing like this:

I had never met Alicia before, but we had time to hang out and chat on Sunday morning. Tony’s wife (oh my god, Tony has a wife) has a PhD and is adorable, hilarious, sharp as hell and incredibly sweet. As much as we love Tony, we’re all still in shock.

I was going to see Frank that weekend, too, but then I learned my niece would be in town for one night only. She is speaking in complete sentences!! I have yet to hear her say my name, but she is a total chatterbox and a bundle of energy. 3 hours with her was more exhausting than binge-drinking with my high school buddies for 3 days in a row.


Finally, since the last time I wrote, I’ve hung out with Ramona One twice. She was crashing at some 43 year-old’s house when he suddenly went crazy. It scared her enough that she went home to her parents and hasn’t done drugs in 4 weeks. I’m glad I waited that long to see her – by the time she got to me, she was the old Ramona. (She still turned into an asshole when we were drinking, but she always turns into an asshole at midnight when she’s drunk. She’s our little Cinderella.) I’m still cautious around her–for example, I hid all my prescriptions pills when she came over–but it was nice to have my old best friend back for a night or two.

She’s finally back with her husband and kid, though the 43 year-old is still writing stalker emails to her every day. At one point, he was writing to me, too–and was really pissed when I wouldn’t take his side. She forwards all the emails to me–half of them are threatening and the other half are like, “I MISS UR TOUCH.” It’s really sad when a 43 year-old uses phrases like “no DRAMA” and “snotty backtalker”. (I am the snotty backtalker.) It’s also really, really funny when a drug dealer tells you that he’s praying for you. Anyway. The other Ramona and I are on better terms, but as you can see, one is more than enough right nah.

Wedding stuff: collecting addresses and working with my friend Ben (not photographer Ben) on the Save the Dates! We’re also playing with art supplies and brainstorming centerpieces.

Just chugging along.


See you next month.


Filed under Picture Pages, Weddings

4 responses to “Pleading the Fifth

  1. If it wasn’t for the North Carolina moonshine, I’d think you were a real stuck up bitch.

    (Heh. Also, gang fireworks! This is brilliant information!)

  2. Oh remember, I only took sips. I’m too uppity for moonshine. And as he said, “Keep your snotty opinions to yourself! πŸ™‚ “

  3. Erin 2

    I read that Post Dispatch article about Washington Ave the other day and I’m curious as to your thoughts being a resident there and all, if you’re looking for a blog topic in the future. (and I agree, the Justin gang-fireworks story was awesome, especially the way you painted his disappointment.)

  4. Ooh, I just read it! I’ll totally write about life on Washington Avenue. (How did you know I need a creative brief to write things these days? It’s true. Give me a topic and I’ll jump right on it.)
    P.S. He’s still searching. Justin wants to go to a Crips Picnic so bad.

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