Category Archives: Botheration

Moodboard 2: The War On Fat

I’m declaring war on anyone who tries to give me crappy food or alcohol for the next few weeks. I mean, despite what I demonstrate 90% of the time, I do have willpower … but not when it comes at me from all angles, every single day. From meetings to celebrations to just escaping the heat, I can’t go anywhere without people shoving food in my face, and it’s too hot for me to work it off with two hours at the Y.

Y’all has pushed me to the limit. I will be saying no, with violence if necessary.

Do I want dessert?

What about Happy Hour?

Another lunch meeting?

Oooh, who brought kolaches to our brainstorming session?

So, it’s your birthday?

Bachelorette party?

Bridal shower?

Oh, the frat boys are in town?

You bought how much ice cream at the store?

You baked this just for me?

What am I doing  Saturday night?

Seriously, guys. Until it’s cool enough for me to rock 8 mile runs again, this nonstop food and booze wave is my enemy, and most likely so are you.


Filed under Botheration, Moodboard

It’s Oh So Quiet

Yeah, I’m not in a writing mood, at least not here. I will be eventually, but here’s the deal:

1. I LOVE my new job and I actually want to do well at it. This means I can no longer blog during work about how much I hate work.

2. More freelance work and collaborations are on my plate, eating the little free time I have. (I don’t get paid much for the jobs, but Mike always gives me a bottle of wine.)

3. My benefits are about to kick in, which means I have to deal with 401Ks and health insurance and bleeeuuugghhh   p=(0_O)* 

4. I’m trying SO hard to get to the Y, you guys! I work on my fitness for an hour a day! I ordered my bridesmaid dress in a size too small, so I HAVE TO OR IT WON’T ZIP UP.

5. I’m still used to working early in the day, but my partner and boss stay late, so I usually end up working at least 9 hours. And I like it?

6. Choreschoreschoreschoreschorescho

7. The ongoing saga of Justin’s puppet film.

8. A social tsunami of weddings, Double Quinceañeras, art shows, happy hours, concerts, showers, parties, Soulard Market, triathlons, NAPA and more happy hours.

9. Watching Fringe while eating parmesan popcorn is still the highlight of every evening and I won’t sacrifice a second of it.

10. Three of my friends are now engaged to people they’ve been dating for a year or less (one friend? Three months). I am also now the last friend standing out of my high school crew to be without a spouse or a baby (an 00ps-i-knocked-up-a-sorority-girl baby, but still). I’m in the best relationship of my life, have a career I couldn’t have reached otherwise, and am clearly in no hurry to lose any more of my free time to wedding planning or babies. But I feel like if I start exploring the fact that I’ve hit “old maid” status this early into my thirties, I will have a Cathyesque breakdown.

11. This whole May 21 Rapture thing. Okay. Y’all. Family Radio is a creepy sect with a billboard budget. Can we please not call them Christians? And can you guys remember for 2 seconds that I grew up in a church where people speak in Tongues  and fall over and believe in this stuff? And that I somehow turned into a nice person who loves gay people and Jesus and canvas grocery bags and education and F bombs and helping orphans all at the same time?

Even though most churches gross me out these days, many Christians are just like me, people who are just trying to be good people and don’t talk about their faith or their politics or how perfect they’re trying to be. You don’t notice these Christians because they’re doing exactly what they should be doing. You only notice the crazies, and then you lump everyone who ever jammed to DC Talk (andmayormaynothaveaDCTalkcassetteinhercar) into that crazy train and then I scroll down my feeds and I see you mocking my past and it hurts my feelings and this is why I can’t even you guys.

P.S. That was me blowing my brains out, courtesy of Glark.


Filed under Botheration, Lists

February Plus: Writing (and Downtown Lametown)

It was strange to see my street so dead at 5pm (this is where most downtown folks come for happy hour and games), but other than that, this “historic” blizzard has been a bunch of BS. We were promised 20+ inches of snow, and nothing. (Well, ice … but nothing remarkable.) I can’t believe I wasted a good “Ask To Work From Home And Piss Off My Boss” for this.

I had an über-productive day (I always do when I work from home) and now I’m kicking back with some Pig Radio for some fun writing and relaxation. I’ve got a good view (and s’mores. I have s’mores):


So I had wanted my February Plus to be Religion, for reasons I’ll (briefly) explain next month, but –

v. raising elle


Grovesnor is covering “With Every Heartbeat” on Pig Radio right now. I die.


– but I’m busy every Sunday next month (family visits, Superbowl, a ski trip, etc.), and I want to go to (gay friendly) church every Sunday whenever I do it. So next month, probably.

This month, I’m going to write creatively every day for at least 20 minutes. (I’d say 30, but I’m still trying to work out every day, too, and I don’t know if it’s possible to do both when my workouts are usually an hour.) I’m going to bust out this monthly box of moleskines that Justin got me (shutit) and fill up as many as I can. I’m also going to finally finish my gorgeous copy of What It Is (a writing workbook written by my hero Lynda Barry, based on her workshops) and try to do as many exercises in the book as possible.

As you can probably tell, lately I’ve been so discouraged about writing during my day job that I’ve almost forgotten why I loved it in the first place. It’s gotten to the point where I have trouble writing here, too. I want that fire back. So here we go.

P.S. This is what I’ll be surrounded by while I do it … positivity and productivity.  Virtual Loft Tour coming soon!



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Filed under Botheration, The Year Plus

Falling Action

One thing I realized this year, where I spent a month without Facebook and several months with no reliable Internet service (but somehow managed to blog 365 days in a row), then transferred six and a half years of blog entries manually from one host to another, then bought my own computer for the very first time is …

I am really sick of the Internet. I need it, but I don’t need it. It should be a tool (directions, instructions, information), not a time-suck. If something cool happens on the Internet and I miss it, it’s okay. I’ll live. Calm down. Continue reading


Filed under Botheration

Into The Woods

I’ve written a little bit about how much I’ve grown to love the dream dictionary, despite the cheesiness of it. This is also despite the fact that I’ve agreed with Sars:  DREAMS ARE BORING to hear about, and unless someone was in your dream, NO ONE CARES HOW WEIRD YOUR DREAM IS.

I’ve also written about the fact that there are many things you should never blog about (jobs, relationships, other people’s problems).

But I love when I have a dream packed full of symbols that, when I look them up, perfectly describe my current mental state. So rather than blogging about something I can’t tell you about, I’ll tell you about my dream and what it represents, and you can figure out where I’m at right now.

Quick Dream Summary: I was riding a bear on a windy road through the woods. There were horses there but for some reason I chose a bear. Halfway through the walk, the nice bear collapsed like he was sick. When I tried to help he would weakly snap at me. I ran to get help and woke up.

Symbol: A Bear – violent but too weak to hurt me

Meaning: To see a bear in your dream, symbolizes independence, the cycle of life, death and renewal, and resurrection. You are undergoing a period of introspection and thinking. The dream may also be a pun on “bare”. Perhaps you need to bare your soul and let everything out into the open.

To dream that you are being pursued or attacked by a bear, denotes aggression, overwhelming obstacles and competition. You may find yourself in a threatening situation or domineering relationship.

Symbol: The Woods

Meaning: To see the woods in your dream, represent life, fertility, rejuvenation, and spring. Alternatively, the woods symbolize the unknown and the unconscious. You need to open yourself up to discovering your potential and your instinctual nature.

To dream that you are lost in the woods, indicates that you are starting a new phase in your life. You are expressing some anxiety about leaving behind what is familiar to you.

To dream that the woods are dry or dying, suggests that there is a situation in your life that has not yet been resolved. You are overwhelmed with a problem or issue.

Symbol: A Road – winding

Meaning: To see a road in your dream, refers to your sense of direction and how you are pursuing your goals. If the road is winding, curvy, or bumpy in your dream, then it suggests that you will encounter many obstacles and setbacks toward achieving your goals. You may be met with unexpected difficulties.

If the road is bordered by trees or flowers, then it denotes a steady progress and steady climb up the social ladder.

To dream that a threatening creature is on a road, parallels a hostile situation/person you are encountering in your waking life. It is an obstacle that you need to overcome, no matter how intimidating the situation or person may appear.


Filed under Botheration, Dream On

A Basement Without Abasement

My last Year Without Goal for 2010 will be a December without Abasement.

I’ve been really hard on myself for the last few weeks. Other people have actively (actively!) been on a mission to put me down too, and while some days it’s amusing, other days it pushes me over the edge. Plus, it gets dark at like noon these days and that’s depressing. Holiday traffic makes everyone a dick. I’m photosensitive, so all those rush hour lights give me a headache and make me homicidal.

I would say my two biggest sources of depression are body image and family, and the holidays are the worst time of the year if you’re trying to eat healthy or are missing a recently-deceased parent. Also, this is the last month in the home my parents have owned my entire life. Soon my mom will sell this house and I’ll never see this basement again. It’s heartbreaking. This is not the time to be tough on myself. This is the time when I need to take care of me.

So this month, I’m not going to put myself down. I’m not going to get discouraged.
I’m going to write because I love it, not because I get paid to.
I’m going to work out because I love the strength from lifting and the high from running, not because I hope it’ll make me skinny.
I’m going to look in the mirror and appreciate the good without automatically aiming for the flaws.
I’m going to call people who love me, not worry about people who need to show me that they hate me.
I’m going to smile.
I’m going to sleep.
I’m going to love.
I’m going to work.
I’m going to move.
I’m going to be proud of myself, even (especially!) on the days when no one gives me a reason to be.

But most importantly? I’m going to take what little energy I have left during the holidays to bring people up instead of down. No abasing other people, not even the ones who feel the need (actively!) to do it to me.

Life is hard enough. It’s time to pick myself up, and maybe give you a lift, too. High fives for everyone!

(gifs via starsweptnight)


Filed under Botheration, The Year Without

Got A Bit of the Boo Hoos

I haven’t been this tearfully PMS-y since, I don’t know, my last big break-up? I’ve cried about 6,000 times in the past 4 days, mostly without reason.

Jen and I check in on each other via email at least once a week. I was going to tell her I’m sad and PMS-y, then realized I send that email to her all the time.

The other day I was a bitch and instantly remarked to Justin, “That was mean of me. My head is hurting, is all. I’m sorry. It’s PMS.”

“You PMS a lot,” said Justin to his first long-term girlfriend.

“Dude, it’s one week every month. That’s one out of four. I will spend a quarter of my adult life feeling like this. (beat) OH MY GOD I’ve never thought about it that way before. THIS IS A TERRIBLE THING TO REALIZE.”


(Gif from the totally hypnotizing If We Don’t, Remember Me.)


Filed under Botheration, Conversations