Stephie: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP GIVING ME THINGS THAT MAKE ME FAT
Jeff: its a test
Jeff: of your WILL POWER
Jeff: just wait till tomorrow and THURSDAY
Stephie: A test to see how fast I can house all this chocolate?
Stephie: Because word up Kriss, I’m ABOUT TO
Jeff: thats the second time in a week ive heard a Kriss Kross reference
Stephie: That is the sign of a great week
Jason: (opening gift) OH MY GOD a Make Your Own Hot Sauce Kit.
Stephie: Do you like it?
Jason: I am going to be pooping sideways.
Stephie: … is that a yes?
Jason: My asshole will be on fire. Yes.
Stephie: Merry Christmas for your mouth… Bah Humbug for your butt.
Jason: (beat) Please put that on your blog?
Andy: I’m still stunned that you spend your hangovers watching movies like August Rush.
Stephie: DUDE WE HAD FREE HBO FOR THE WEEKEND
Stephie: I was on zero sleep. It was one of those movies where I saw the preview and just wanted to see the ending?
Stephie: But then that guy was really hot?
Stephie: So I watched the whole thing
Stephie: there is just no dignified way to eat saltine crackers, is there?
Andy: HAHAHAHA. Okay, let me diagram what you just said to me.
Andy: Lame excuse, lame excuse, lame excuse, hilarious non-sequiter.
Stephie: I can either bite into it and it explodes everywhere or I can shove the whole thing in my mouth like a totally hot babe
Niki: Steph! I got a sewing machine for Christmas!
Stephie: Holy sh*t! Really?
Niki: Mmm hmm
Stephie: That’s insane.
Stephie: INSANE! But AWESOME!!
Niki: … yeah?
Stephie: So can you throw rolls of socks at it, like in Big?
Niki: Yeah… wait, what?
Stephie: You know, when he just throws socks at it and it comes out. In his loft. You know, Big? With Tom Hanks?
Niki: I… don’t remember that part.
Stephie: Oh. So are you going to fill it with all your favorites?
Niki: What are you talking about?
Stephie: Your SODA MACHINE!
Niki: SEWING MACHINE.
Stephie: Oh. OOOOOOOH. HAAAAAAA. That makes sense. (Finishes wine.)
Geoff: holy shits you have dated like everyone on earth
Stephie: Not at all!
Geoff: You’re like the Kevin Bacon of dating
Geoff: 6 Degress of Effanie
Stephie: OMG I hate you
Stephie: NOT TRUE
Geoff: It’s ok
Geoff: i feel the same way somtimes
Geoff: when all the friends are together for a huge party
Geoff: and like every girl ive ever slept with is there
Geoff: She is like AND how do you know her?
Geoff: and her?
Geoff: and OH you know her too?
Geoff: im like ehhhhh
Stephie: See I haven’t SLEPT with everyone I’ve dated
Geoff: SO THERE
Geoff: You’re still getting a drinking game named after you.