Category Archives: Totally Crushin

Thrilling And/Or Appalling Confession #10

TA/OA Confession #10: I still have the hots for Diplo, even though I just realized he’s in that Die Antwoord video with all the penises.

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Typical Night At The TollivWeirs

This is a picture of Justin playing strip Battleship with himself.

Art school is so much fun (for me)!

Also, because I promised to show one of his graphic projects, here you go. The copy on the back is the best part (“Guzzle It!”), but the cans are in my office. Someday I’ll have to dig up his old TV Time emails. Justin is a quiet, subtle dude but his writing is hysterical.

His other project is worth its own entry. Yes I am his proud grandmom; what’s your point?


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Breaking My Silence (On One Direction)


Harry Styles (in the plaid shirt) is totes the cutest!



You’d think this post would put me in jail, but:

a. He’s 18.
b. His last girlfriend is a year older than me.
c. His outfit here makes me think that I like him because he looks like my girlcrush Shane from The L Word:



P.S. Good grief, that song is terrible. Palate cleanser (and my favorite video ever):

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So I Watched “100-Minute Lady Boner”

I mean, Drive.


Other movies I’ve watched while Justin is at work: Crazy Stupid Love, Half Nelson, Lars and the Real Girl, Murder by Numbers. See a pattern?

I have yet to watch The Notebook. Give me 24 hours.

Half Nelson was the most impressive and Crazy Stupid Love was the most fun, but Drive was 100 minutes of me writing “Stephanie Gosling” on the back of my social studies bookcover. It’s one of those movies where I walked away with more of a feeling than a story. Also: I love the soundtrack!

While I’m talking about great soundtracks, I have to mention Hanna. And really, Gosling may be badass, but nothing he’s done compares to Hanna’s escape scene.

Especially since she spares the hot guy. That’s my girl.

Gifs by my braintwin starsweptnight.

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Heart Boners

The Internet has earned a day off. Good God.

Seriously, my wedding reception is just going to be that song on repeat for 4 hours (except for the part where I make Erin dance to “Moves Like Jagger”). Does anyone know how to make this live on my iPod? I will bring my laptop to the Y if I have to, I swear. (UPDATE: Amanda made me an mp3! WOOO!)

I got Justin 12 Ways To Say I Love You from Rag & Bone. It just arrived last night so I’m writing it on my lunch break. Why give a hastily-written card when you can give a hastily-written book? If I had more time, I would make a flash drive mix to put in that teeny tiny envelope (his car has a USB port; jealous!), but oh well. Last year I just got him s’mores fixins. Valentine’s Day is so close to my birthday, the Superbowl and our half anniversary that by the time we get to it, we’re exhausted.

My valentine to all of you is more Tony Lucca, whom I am still swooning over:


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Do I Have The Hots For Patrick Stump?!


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Whoo’s Awesome?



Justin made these for me. He designed them himself; it’s inspired by Fellini’s Roma. He secretly carried around a vintage suitcase full of yarn and did needlepoint in front of college kids all day. It took him over a year. Meaning, he wanted to give these to me last year. The rubber band ball full of love notes was his backup plan.



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I had about 50 things on my To Do list yesterday and I finished them all before dinner, so I spent the better part of the evening watching this UK show, Misfits. I love it!

The premise is that a group of juvenile delinquents get struck by lightning and develop super powers. A lot of people describe it as Heroes meets Skins, which sounds about right to me. The soundtrack is awesome. It’s probably considered more of a CW-ish show in the UK, but since they say (and d0) the F word frequently, it feels more adult to me. (And even if it didn’t, you know I would still watch it.)

Nathan (played by Robert Sheehan) is both my favorite and least favorite character. He’s my least favorite because Sheehan, while very funny, is kind of hammy and it can be exhausting. However, Nathan is my favorite character because Robert Sheehan looks like this:

My Robert Sheehan problem is the exact same problem I have with Rupert “Ron Weasley” Grint these days – totally hot, yet hammier than I’d prefer. I mean, they’re funny but … perhaps their comedy style doesn’t translate as well over here? Either way, I’m simultaneously anticipating and dreading watching them both in Cherry Bomb on Netflix someday.


Misfits just finished its second season with a Christmas special that I can’t wait to watch. I can only find some of the episodes online (which sucks because the season 1 finale sounds awesome). Most of those links get deleted right away so I can’t point you in a good direction, but it’s worth a watch if you can find it. Season 2 is only 7 episodes long, so I’ll be done this week. I’m going to watch Skins next so I can complain about the American remake when it comes out.

Apparently Sheehan is also in the new Nick Cage movie Season of the Witch, a title so glorious that Jen and I exploded with giggles when we saw the trailer in the theater.

(images via cultureeatsme and, naturally, Robert Sheehan Appreciation)


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The One Where I Ovulated

My boyfriend was Jim Henson for Halloween.

(Photo by the always amazing Sarah Paradise.)

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Cloud At The Oscars

Justin was in the middle of whining that we should fast-forward the break-dancing number during the Oscars (I guess my “They’re break dance fighting” joke is only funny the first 30 times) when I suddenly jumped 5 feet off the bed and shrieked, “CLOUD!”

I then had to explain my Cloud crush to Justin.

How sad is it that on the big, “The time has come” night – a major stepping stone for females – I was the most excited about the unexpected appearance of my crush? During the break dance interpretation of the musical score from “Up”?

Though, James Cameron’s face during Katheryn Bigelow’s two wins will surely go down as a great image in the history of feminism. Pouty-Face James Cameron is the new Rosie the Riveter, or at least the new Billie Jean King.

SIDENOTE: did Oprah just tell us to skip school?

I know everyone is popping a boner over D-Listed’s coverage (which was awesome, John Hughes stuff espesh). I’m personally more excited to check out what TWoP alum Joe R. live-blogged on But for me, this was the highlight of the online coverage:

No one will ever snark as well as the original TWoP gangsters. Except maybe Dave Holmes.

Edited to Add: And Rich! Duh!

Edited to Also Add: Jen said that, thanks to my blog, Ron turned to her during the Oscars and asked, “Isn’t that Cloud?”

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Nick From 21 Up

For the past few weeks, I’ve been watching The Up Series – Michael Apted’s documentary that revisits a group of 14 British people every 7 years. So far they’ve covered ages 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42 and 49. The film 56 Up will be made around 2011. Justin and I just finished 42 Up.

I can’t write about how remarkable it is without giving away what happens to these children, and that’s half of the fun. It’s astonishing to watch these people grow up right before your eyes, especially when their 7-year-old predictions are eerily correct. By the time they reach adulthood, you feel as though you know them, and when they describe how it feels to fall in love, become a parent, get divorced, change careers, move to another country, get depressd, etc., it’s like getting advice from an old friend.

My favorite film in the series is 21 Up – that’s when the most changes happen and everyone’s story is surprising. You watch these people morph from cheeky kids to awkward teens to almost-adults and the spectrum is hilarious.

My favorite person in the Up Series is Nick – a farmer’s son turned brilliant physicist. He’s the guy on the far right in the picture above. His 21 Up story is the best because he’s the sweetest kid, the most angsty teen, and unexpectedly the hottest 21 year old you’ve ever seen (and he looks and acts far more mature, so I can say this without feeling like a creep).

I was watching 21 Up next to my boyfriend and didn’t care; I was drawing hearts and writing “I love Nick Hitchon” all over my notebook by the time it was over. I was swooning like a Twilight fan. Justin got a big kick out of it. Every time they show Nick at 21 in later films, I have to “WOOOO” at the TV.

I wanted to find a clip of him at age 21 but there weren’t any. However, you HAVE to hear his voice at 21. IT’S BEYOND DREAMY.

Just listen to the first minute of this interview – mainly :49 to :59.

Don’t you want to write about him in your diary now? His voice is gorgeous! And so’s his face! Go rent 21 Up!


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Totally Crushin: Nick Littlemore

So I’m still hanging out with Justin 24/7 but I don’t want to write about it 24/7. (Okay BLATANT LIE; I do – but I won’t.) So what else is there? Well, I have a new celebrity crush. I’m still allowed to have those, right? Howsabout we compromise and I’ll pick one who lives on the other side of the world. Cool?

So, in the spirit of Cloud’s shirtlessness and Eugene’s tallness, I am now currently obsessing over sassy Australian singer/songwriter/producer Nick Littlemore:

He is totally adorbs in the band Teenager:

Super hot in Pnau (he takes his shirt off at 2:00! Hooray!):

And absolute sex in Empire of the Sun:

‘Specially when he does the Celine Dion Chest Punch:

And, in the spirit of Cloud’s tiny vest and Eugene’s gold grill, I will confess that I might even like him when he’s rolling around with a missing front tooth (I chipped mine too, after all):

He hugs unicorns! What’s not to love?

So yeah, Nick Littlemore, Official Crush. It took 2 years for me to see Gogol Bordello, so I can probably make this crush last a long time before he actually makes it to the midwest and it becomes less of a fantasy thing.

Oh, and I know Empire of the Sun has been out for a year and is therefore totally old, and that the following video doesn’t even have Nick in it, but I’ve been obsessed with this eclipse broadcast ever since it happened. Luke Steele is so badass and I wish we were b-fries. I heard he’s singing on the opening track of Jay-Z’s new album. Omigod, that’s almost out, isn’t it?! Anyway:


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All Sorts of Swoony

I’m sure he’ll come up at some point… and you will all swoon with me yet want to barf at the sweetness. Turns out the crush had a crush on me too, and I have been floating on cloud 9 for weeks. But until I have something…. blogable (as opposed to gushable and bragable, which you already know if you’ve talked to me), just know that right now, life feels like this:

And as usually, this:


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OMG Guess What We Did

Charlie taught me video editing before he left. FIRST TRY! OUR DEBUT! Now you’re really in trouble…

I wanted to add serious music cues, like “I’ll Be There” by The Jackson 5 and of course, “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye” by Boyz II Men. But I couldn’t figure out that part on the first try and Lost is almost on, so you’ll just have to deal.

If he was here one more day, I guarantee we would’ve made a full-length feature.

I miss him already. (He’s still in my lap.)

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SHOOOSH! – A Different DeLuise Tribute

So as you’ve probably heard by now, Dom DeLuise died. I loved watching him as a kid, but I will spare you from any tributes. I mean, what can I say about Dom that this video of him popping and locking with the Jackson 5 doesn’t already?

Did you notice his shoes? My god. Anyway… I would like to pay tribute to a DeLuise, but not Dom. And no, not his son Peter, though Peter is famous and quite lovable.

I would like to pay tribute to Dom’s middle son… Peter’s brother and co-star… and (I swear) my favorite actor (seriously) Michael DeLuise.

I love this guy.

You might remember him from Encino Man (“Shoosh!”) or Wayne’s World (“Do I frighten you? Do you want me to?”). Hell, you might even remember him from seaQuest DSV, where he had gills and swam underwater and hung out with Jonathan Brandis (RIP). His reel is a total trip to watch:

However, I first fell in love with Michael on his premiere episode of 21 Jump Street as Officer Joey Penhall, real-life and onscreen brother of Officer Douglas “Doug” Penhall. It was an episode titled “Brothers”. And in this episode Joey does something that, in my opinion, is the sexiest thing a character can do on a television show:

He went undercover and joined a religious cult. SWOON!

This is the cult:

I don’t think you guys understand how much I love episodes of any TV show (even Matlock) where people join a cult. After that, I was done for. Totally hooked. I promise there was a month or two in the 90’s where my goal was to marry him. I mean, I liked watching him on seaQuest more than Brandis. And Brandis was king!

Michael DeLuise is sexy and hilarious, and to this day he manages to appear out of nowhere in my favorite shows, like Lost. I will never be the type of girl who makes a tribute video of him and his brother set to “Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins (or leave a comment about how the video makes me cry OH MY GOD WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE), but dammit if he doesn’t deserve a blog entry. I love you Michael DeLuise.

Rather than wrapping up with something sad about Dom, I’ll wrap this up with some Jonathan Brandis for Erin:

I swear to god, this is the only Jonathan Brandis video on the Internet that isn’t a terrifying German tribute or him dumping DJ on Full House. You have no idea what I went through to find this. Hope you enjoy. Happy Birthday Erin!


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Under The Spell Of Romance

Pandy: Stephiieeeeee. Whatcha doing?

Stephie: I am on my way home from a cute boy’s house.

Pandy: *gasp* I am on MY way home from a cute boy’s house!

Stephie: We are total babes!

Pandy: I know! What are you doing when you get home?

Stephie: I’m going to get dinner, and then I want to go running but I already ran this morning.

Pandy: Let’s be lazy but not lazy.

Stephie: I feel like dancing.

Pandy: Like going out dancing? Who dances on a Sunday?

Stephie: Geeeez, Footloose. I don’t know. Somebody?

Pandy: So you want to go out? Because I would have to ask my new boyfriend.

Stephie: Yay! Hee.

Pandy: Hee.

Stephie: No, I don’t really feel like going out.

Pandy: Why come?

Stephie: I feel fat today.

Pandy: *sigh*

Stephie: WHA-AAT?

Pandy: Are you going to call me crying tomorrow? About like nothing?

Stephie: MAYBE.

Pandy: That was a fast March.

Stephie: I know. (beat) Want to come over and learn Thriller?

Pandy: No.

Stephie: COME ON!

Pandy: No.

Stephie: The rhythm is gonna get you, you know.

Pandy: I know. But no.

Stephie: Oooh you know what we can learn? Are you almost home?

Pandy: Yeah.

Stephie: I’ll send you a video.

Pandy: (whining) Is it Thriller?

Stephie: No. It’s this awesome thing I saw at the Polyphonic Spree. I will call you back when I get home.

Pandy: Are you at Magic Market?

Stephie: No.

Pandy: Where are you?

Stephie: Nowhere. I’ll call you back.

Pandy: Oooh, is it gross? Like Captain D’s? Where are you eating?



Stephie: NO!!




Stephie: HOORAY!!!

And then we learned this for three hours:

Plus a little of this to celebrate being total babes:


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Sail The Seven Seas At Least

I have now quit smoking for 5 days, and while I have cried twice, I have not yet spazzed. At the very least, I do not plan on blogging about 9/11 today. Or even Britney Spears. No disaster blogging at all. So that’s a good sign.

I’m sleeping and running and drinking lots of water. I even have Lorazepam in case I want to smoke again. Lorazepam is like marzipan for my brain. I haven’t taken any yet, but if I spazz at all then I know I’ll be fine. Benzodiazepines are MUCH more effective than the Cinnamon Altoids that the smoking cessation pamphlet suggested.

I know that I often brag about being single, especially the fact that I don’t have a guy dragging me to stupid crap that I don’t want to attend. However, I am almost wishing for a boyfriend today, or at least ONE single girlfriend (I honest to god have none of these and I miss them terribly), so that I could drag someone to Kansas with me for a day.

Gogol Bordello is playing in Lawrence, Kansas on Halloween. I am DYING to go. I want to get carnal with Eugene Hütz, and this is the closest he will be to me for years and years. But honestly, who is going to drive 4 hours and back just to see a bunch of gypsies with me? I have no problem going alone but I would definitely have to smoke cigarettes for a road trip like that.

And NO, I am not driving to Kansas with two people who are dating or married. You have no idea what it’s like to be stuck in a car with you people. Rhorf.

My crush on Eugene Hütz makes me sad. I am genuinely bummed out that he doesn’t like me back and I’m jealous of the pretty girls in his band. I feel like he already broke up with me. Perhaps it is for the best if I don’t go. It’s reminding me of why I banned crushes and relationships in the first place. I don’t like it when other people affect my feelings.

I suppose it’s time to pick a new crush that doesn’t hurt as much. I choose: Buster Keaton.

Maybe someday I will pick a realistic person. Someone I’ve met. Someone nearby. Someone honest and funny and motivated and silly and smart and basically drug-free and hopefully unequivocally tall.

But that would require trusting a boy, which is something I can’t allow myself to do anymore. No way. I’m no dope. I will stick with Buster Keaton.

The problem with quitting smoking is that it forces you to face all of the issues you covered up by smoking. Remember how much I DIDN’T care about this stuff when I had a cigarette in my hand? I mean, I would already be in Kansas. Instead I’m just sitting here, hating my job and hating life and hating everyone who talks to me.

Note to all my friends with babies (which is like all you freaks): when your kid wants to start smoking, tell them to look up these old entries where Aunt Stephie goes coo-coo-bananas from withdrawl. I will scare them straight. Do you guys think I will be back to normal by then? Oh, I hope so.

Fuck all of you for lecturing me to quit. Now look at what you have to read. Serves you right.

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Thrilling And/Or Appalling Confession #1

Okay, so here is my first TA/OA Confession:

I want to “do” Eugene Hutz.

Even with the gold tooth. Hell, especially with the gold tooth.

This both thrills me and appalls me. Ergo, a TA/OA Confession.

Edited to say: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. I found a clip from Live Earth that features not only Eugene Hutz, but my secret boyfriend Cloud (wearing another vest). They both dry hump Madonna, which is tough competition but at least they have the same taste in women.

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“It’s like… if you’re nice to them, they bring you things?” (revisited)

Before I start gushing about the weekend, there’s a few things I need to admit:

I need to start writing again. And by writing I mean… screenplays? Or at least something with more of a narrative? Pretty much anything. I started this blog so that I’d be forced to write every day, and I went into copywriting so that I could keep that part of my brain awake while I paid the bills. I’m getting involved in more projects and making connections in great places, but it’s starting to make me realize how much I’m missing out on by not practicing new things.

I adore Mates of State. I’ve liked them forever, but I’m always hesitant to declare my love for indie bands. For all intents and purposes, I should hate them. They’re a married couple. They make goo-goo eyes on stage and bring their cute baby with them on tour. Silly trendy people like them. And. AND! They are from Connecticut. So I should totally hate them, right? But I don’t. They are so precious and talented and fun. They absolutely delight me and they always put me in a good mood, which has been hard to do lately.

I like Sci-Fi. Not all sci-fi, but the lame WB-ish sci-fi with cute boys. Okay, cute boys with no belly buttons. I spent all day yesterday watching the Kyle XY marathon. I walked on the treadmill for like 5 episodes, so it’s not as sluggish as it sounds. Despite the cheesy writing, the MySpace marketing and the shaaaaaaaameful Sour Patch Extreme product placement, I got really into it. I know. Sad.*


So this weekend was kind of weird. Friday I ran nine miles without stopping, which is not something I think that I can repeat, nor do I think I should. I accidentally fell in the zone. It took about two hours to get out of it and now I have a blister on my pinkie toe. And it did weird things to my brain. That’s okay; I need all the endorphins I can get.

Saturday was… well hell, it was like my birthday! I started out the day at Best Buy with J. I bought Big Love on DVD. Then after lunch I went home and sorted the mail, and I got so many presents for absolutely no reason. Books, CDs, DVDs… all from boys. Boys in far-away lands. I felt like Baby Jesus. I mean, what is going on? Irregardless, props and thanks are due:

J, who secretly grabbed “Team Boo” by Mates of State after I confessed that I liked them, and surprised me with it in the car. I thanked him by forcing him into a duet of “Fluke”.

TSGoC told me that he was sending me a movie, and I thought he was just dubbing his brother’s film for me. But no – he surprised me with this film called daisies – a 1960’s Czech New Wave film that was actually banned for a little while. I have no idea what’s going to happen when I watch this, but I can’t wait. TSGoC is the guy who turned me on to Love, Kraftwerk and Rambo: First Blood, so I know it’s going to be good. Thank you TSCoC!

Davy Rothbart, the founder of Found Magazine, sent me his book and a collection of his stories of This American Life on CD – plus a postcard from “Mr. Big” himself. He sent me a friend request for Found a while ago, and won me over by singing “To Be With You” in an email. I sent him a compliment on his new story the other day, and he said he wanted to send me more stories. And man, he has great stories. That was so nice of him. Thank you Davy!

Later that night at the Tap Room, Dan bought me an insane amount of Hefeweizen beers with lemon wedges. Thank yoooooou, Dan!

And finally, Josh surprised me with “New Sense” by Grace Basement, which was insanely sweet of him. I’m listening to it right now. Plus he gave me hugs and compliments galore, which is better than stuff, always. Thank you so much, Josh!


So yeah, Grace Basement had their CD release party at the Tap Room and it was a lot of fun. I saw a bunch of old friends (including superduperfun Erin!), the music was great, and we sat by the Indiana Jones pinball machine, which is worth noting in my world. I mainly hung out with Dan and Erin all night and it was a total blast.

Kevin Buckley, who writes all Grace Basement’s songs and performed pretty much everything on New Sense, was incredible. Like I said before, I think Kevin is absolutely brilliant. I’m still too chicken to say it to his face, but whatever. He is. Music Mike was great on the drums and it was awesome to see him, too.

Seriously, I have so much great stuff to read, watch and listen to… when am I going to find time to write? Maybe I’ll let my brain simmer on all this stuff for a week or two, and see what it turns into.

* It did kind of make me hungry for Sour Patch Kids, though.


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Jordan Catalano

This morning I was flipping through the channels as I got ready for work, and there was a 30 Seconds to Mars video on MTV. 30 Seconds to Mars, in case you don’t know, is a band fronted by Jared Leto, who played Jordan Catalano on My So-Called Life.

I didn’t watch the video (I only watch videos with Cloud), but little teenage girls watch MTV, and they like to learn everything about cute boys, and they also discover old trends (like 80’s clothes) and wear them and think that they are cool and original when really they are just being teenage girls and that’s why we love them.

Here is my point: I am willing to bet that 95% of the girls who watch MTV have no idea what My So-Called Life is. They will see Jared Leto and his assy hair and his tight pants and they will think he’s hot. Then they will google the hell out of him. And then they will discover the greatest show in the history of all time and the dreamiest boy to ever appear on television, ever.

When I was 13 or 14, I dyed my hair for the first time. It was bright orange like Angela’s. Soon after, that show came out and everyone started telling me that I looked exactly like her. Even the translators in Guatemala told me that I looked like “that girl from the American Channel”. I wish I had a high school pic (besides the one from prom) so you could make up your own mind, but whatever – here’s Angela:

To top it off, I was madly in love with a boy who looked just like Jordan Catalano. He had the same vacant, dreamy stare, the same soft voice, and he liked to lean against things and look bored. So when I was 14, my life basically depended on whether or not Angela and Jordan hooked up, because it meant I could get a guy who looked like that.*

I have no doubt that these little girls will fall in love with Jordan Catalano. That they, like all of us, will think everything about him is adorable, even the fact that HE CAN’T READ. They will discover the art of sexy leaning. They will baffle their male friends by sighing and squealing every time he comes on screen. I mean, we know he is ridiculous, but he is so ridiculously good looking. Sigh.

However, I think it will be impossible for them to separate Jordan from Jared Leto, the lead asshat of 30 Seconds to Mars. My generation understands the purity of Jordan Catalano. We knew him way back when. We can separate the way we felt about him at 14 from the way we feel now. It’s like, seeing Michael Jackson today vs. listening to Thriller.

Before the guyliner…

Before the mullet…

Before he hooked up with that Justin-stealing hussy Scarlett Johansen…

And before he murdered John Lennon with Lindsay Lohan…

…we knew Jared Leto as Jordan. Just… Jordan. Sigh.

My biggest hope is that those girls will identify with Angela and Rayanne somehow. Maybe they will attempt to dye their hair with Kool-Aid. Maybe they will find old issues of Sassy and still think it’s awesome. Maybe they will start collecting Doc Martens. Maybe some of them will think Angela has the coolest sweater in the world, like I still do, and then maybe Macy’s will make it and then I can buy it.

(Edited in 2011 to add: Tavi Gevinson is making the above paragraph a reality in every way possible and I love it.)

And then maybe, just maybe, they will rediscover grunge and make it cool again, and then I could get away with wearing PJ Pants at the office. We can only dream.

Jordan Catalano will always be my one true love. So now you know, and now I’m ending this entry so I can go eat candy. Happy Valentimes!!!

*Years later we ended up having a relationship EXACTLY like Jordan and Angela’s, which in hindsight is pretty awful – Jordan is kind of an assbag and I think she should have picked the other guy. But at the time it was delightful and I wrote like a whole diary about it, and we are still good friends (probably because we look nothing like Jordan and Angela anymore).


Filed under Pop Goes The Culture, Totally Crushin