Champs and Chumps IV: The One Where Carl Weathers Dies

Okay, so that was Rocky IV. Whatever. I haven’t written in a while and there’s a lot of stuff to sum up, so I figured the only way to do it was another installment of Champs and Chumps. Ready Freddie?

Champs Cards

Voltron: Wow. You guys. Seriously. Voltron was so awesome. The weather was perfect, we had a great view of the screen, and it was sponsored by the Circus or something so there were circus performers all over the place. We watched the first three episodes where they explain the Legend of Voltron, find all the lions, and defeat Evil What’s-His-Face. It was as cheesy as you’d expect, but it’s always fun watching those things with a big group of people. When they formed Voltron for the first time, everybody cheered and I got a little teary-eyed.

Winning Stuff: They had a trivia contest during Voltron and I won a Limited Edition Season 1 DVD! It comes in a sweet Blue Lion Tin and it includes the “Voltron Gets Served” sketch from Robot Chicken. That alone makes it worth it. Plus, Joe knows the guy who ran the event and he was videotaping it, so you might see us on the Voltron Season 2 DVD!

Ginger’s iTunes: If you’re wondering what question I answered correctly, it was “Which St. Louis musician gave a shout-out to Voltron in one of his hit songs?” The answer is, of course, Murphy Lee in “Shake Your Tailfeather”. I know this because of Ginger’s iTunes, so I figure I should make up for the Chumps Card that I gave out last year. Now we are even.

Koala Bears: This is mainly for Kevin, because of this story. Hey Kevin! Guess what Koala bears and I have in common??

My Grandma: Her birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I gave her Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine. She digs it. God, I love that lady.

Tony: So the good news is my roommate found an awesome new job. The bad news is that it’s in Chicago. She’s leaving in about a month, which could have really screwed me over if I didn’t find a roommate in time. However, by some weird twist of fate, Tony’s coming home the exact same day that she’s leaving, and within five minutes of my roommate search, he replied and he’s super-psyched to live with me. I’m psyched, too. This shit is going to be b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

TV: Between Heroes, Veronica Mars, Lost, and The Office, I officially have a show for every weeknight and I don’t even need my free cable. TV has been kicking ass lately.

Josh: Josh bought me X-Men 3 for no reason, which is so much cooler than flowers for no reason.

Chuck Klosterman: I’m almost done with Chuck Klosterman IV – A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas. Damn, Chuck. I mean, daaaaaaaamn. I just love your brain.

Chumps Cards

The Grumpies: I haven’t been sleeping well (again) and when I don’t sleep I get angry at everything. Here are just a few of the objects I yelled at yesterday: my coffee maker, a pair of pants, my cell phone charger, my work computer, my roommate’s computer, a pair of high heels, my boobs, two kitchen cabinets, the roof of my car, my keys, a carton of milk, and every car I encountered at a 4-Way stop sign.

Plans: I’ve decided that I don’t like plans. I officially hate plans. I’m constantly canceling things at the last minute, hemming and hawing about what I want to do, and desperately trying to get by with a “Maybe I’ll see you there.” I think this is because October is going to be insanely busy, and there’s so much shit I’m obligated to attend. I’ve lost a lot of free time this month, and it’s making me increasingly bitter.

Myspace Mike: Mike recently revived his blog. I’m not giving him Chumps because he stole my video countdown idea. I’m giving him Chumps because he picked videos that are more awesome, and it’s become apparent that he’s funnier than me. It’s called “Hetero-erotica” and there’s a link to it in my Friends section.

Heartache: My doctor wants to put me on heart medication. I know that I should take it, but here’s the thing: it’s more of a preventive measure than a necessity. But I know people who have died from mixing meds, and heart medication is always involved. And aside from that one week I thought I was dying last year, I’ve never been sick and this makes me feel like I am. So the pills freak me out more than the potential problems. I pick up the bottle every morning, but I can’t force myself to take them. I’m convinced I’ll die in my sleep or collapse on the treadmill or something. However, they are called “Beta Blockers”, which remind me of “Blue Blockers”, and that’s funny.

The “aerie girls”: Okay. There are these commercial spots during Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars called the aerie girls. It’s a bunch of lame chicks who sit around sipping hot cocoa, commenting on that night’s episodes. It’s kind of like the commentaries that the Sunsilk Hairapy Guys did for Flavor of Love, only suckier. The only awesome part was at the end of Veronica Mars, when they cut from a really disturbing scene involving a rape victim to the aerie girls. They just kind of sat there for a second, speechless, and started talking about Gilmore Girls again. You can’t handle Veronica Mars, bitches. Go back to the mall.

Scary Mimes: Like I mentioned before, there were circus performers at Voltron. As we were parking, we spotted a Mime. Not a black and white Mime, but a guy who was painted all white. He looked like somebody from the Blue Man Group, only dead. We freaked out and I waved to him from the car. He waved back and I shrieked.

Four blocks later, we arrived at our destination and found a nice spot in the grass. Then somebody whispered, “Hey Stephie, I think your friend followed you here.” We turned around and looked through the crowd, and the mime was STANDING IN THE BACK OF THE LOT, MAKING JAZZ HANDS AND STARING RIGHT AT US!!! This terrified Jen and I so much that we had to take a picture with him. I’ll post that someday soon, like everything else. I thought it was one of those things that I would laugh about later, but I’m still having nightmares about him.


Filed under Champs and Chumps

3 responses to “Champs and Chumps IV: The One Where Carl Weathers Dies

  1. Tony

    This shit is not only going to be b-a-n-a-n-a-s, it is going to be c-h-e-r-r-y. i can’t wait for this shit. Also, I am looking into the gold’s gym thing, so hey, you get a roomie, new furnature, a chef, maybe a new TV, DVD galore, and a gym semi-membership. we’s gonna be some sexy motha fucka’s.

  2. Karatechop

    I had no idea koalas had double uvulas.

  3. T

    3. t left…
    Monday, 16 October 2006 11:04 am

    so you’ll know from the ip address who this is. and i am finally apologizing for the stupid shit i (and others) laid on you last year. while everything is two sided and i can’t apologize for everyone, i can apologize for my part. it was unfair and immature. while an apology now probably doesn’t mean beans and you probably don’t care, i owe you one. and don’t worry about heart meds too much…i’m on them too and you do have to be careful, but they will help in the long run. think of it like birth control that doesn’t make you have major mood swings…

    ps if it helps at all, kelly turned out to be much more wacked than we ever accused you of being. clamp’s doing much better without her.

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