… where I don’t want to tell anyone anything.*
I’ve recently come out of this phase where people I trusted hurt me a lot. (And I know I keep using annoying cryptic language, but these were very important people to me and the things they did were too personal and effed up to whine about here. More importantly, I don’t want my friends to think that I’ll just blog my ass off about them whenever I get pissed. I save that for the worst people, and only when I’m PMSing.)
I don’t want these people in my life anymore. And I’m afraid to let new people in, or let the current ones come any closer. So I feel completely in limbo in terms of what I want to share.
I don’t want to share good news and fun stuff with the people I’ve cut out of my life. I don’t want the friends who are still there to know about the sad and depressing stuff. There’s been a lot of both.
I mean, I don’t have a main group of friends. My family is busy taking care of each other. My 2 besties have their own things to worry about. Single, surprise! I’m a high plains drifter, basically (minus the rape and murder). Every conversation I have lately makes me feel like I should be doing something, or seeing someone, or… I don’t know. I get resentful sometimes. I feel like wandering around for a while, gathering stories and experiences and seeing what I can make out of them before I share it.
OH! And I’ve been working 10-hour days for the past 2 weeks? Plus this week? NOT in the mood to write when I get home.
But there are happy things I’ll write about when I feel better, which could be tomorrow for all I know: Kevin and Monica’s reception, a puppy, a big move, an almost-here baby (not mine), new hobbies, running, a road trip, the BEST CLUB EVER, new friends, fun secrets I’ll enjoy alluding to and more.
Sad stuff? Basically the usual and the aforementioned banished folks. Not worth getting into. I think that’s why I’m in such an anti-writing mood… when my mind is on the happy stuff and work calms down, I’ll get back to spilling my guts.
I realize this is pretty much the last entry I wrote, only without pictures. Well, DEAL. Until next week: see you on Twitter.
*So naturally, I post it here for all to read, right? Combined with a massive explanation? It’s 3 am, you guys. It makes perfect sense to me.
2 responses to “I’m In A Mewd …”
Hi…I’m a friend of a friend of yrs; or, I guess a friend-in-law if ya perfer…anywho, our mutual buddy turned me onto your work here a month or so back, so this makes me a short time listener-first time caller I guess…I truly hope ya get to back on an up-and-up kinda feeling…yr comments about the fourth were some of the sweetest and most touching articles I’ve ever read…pity about yr friends, but shame on ’em anyway, F-em…look forward to good news…I’m sure many are rooting for ya…
The fourth was better than I thought… he was there and I would have prefered the warning I requested from a couple folks, but whatever. I had lots of great friends there and had fun at the party. He knew better than to try and talk to me, haha. Ron gave me a cheesy twice-baked potato that almost made everything worth it. OMG so good.