Don’t Tell Him I Did This …

… though to be fair, the temporary tattoo was his idea. I still have a giant one with his name on my arm. Best Valentine’s Day Ever!

OH! A while ago I promised I would tell you the tale of my tragic 2008 Valentine’s Day, and since (hopefully) everyone involved in this story is over their feelings by now, here it is:

I went over to Pat’s house. This was a few days after our first – for lack of a better word – “date” where I introduced him to Everything Is Illuminated the film and he told me about Everything is Illuminated the book. He greeted me in the driveway with a copy of the book as a Valentine’s Day present. Jason had told me that I should “absolutely not” get Pat a present, so I wasn’t expecting anything and was extra touched.

Pat told me that he had ordered a pizza. The pizza guy shows up and it’s [name withheld], this dude who had a big crush on me a few years ago. I used to see him at Target when he worked there and he would, like, run away from me. One time right after Brian and I got back together, we went to a Halloween party and when [name withheld] saw me and Brian together, he got really upset and apparently some tragic and embarrassing stuff happened because he was really drunk. He made this huge scene in the front yard while I was out back and then ran home. I didn’t know anything about this for months. (All I knew was that he got drunk and ran home dressed as Teen Wolf and at the time I thought it was hilarious.)

So anyway, pizza guy comes to the door and it’s [name withheld] and he sees me inside and freezes. Pat was like, “Want to come inside for a second?” and [name withheld] is like, “Nah.” and runs away.

Pat shut the door, shuddered and was like, “Did you get a really weird vibe from [name withheld]?” and I told him the story and he was like, “Oh, right.”

Then, not even FIVE MINUTES LATER, Pat’s best friend – who ALSO had a crush on me a few years ago* – shows up. He walked inside and saw me and his eyes immediately narrowed. Then his phone vibrated (I will not be a dick and claim it was a fake call, even though) and he went outside for a second. When he returned, he said he had to meet someone in the city, where he just came from and then he ran away.

Pat was like, “What the hell?” and then I cleared my throat and he was like, “Oh, right.”

So anyway, a “second date” on Valentine’s Day and two of his friends who once claimed to love me and hate me for not loving them back show up within five minutes of each other. That happened. This year was much better, though being in a Breeder’s video in 2009 was pretty kick ass, too. Whatever, VD2010 wins.

*Back in 2004-2005, I was The New Girl in a group of friends with a very long history and very few newcomers, so when my out-of-state boyfriend dumped me, all the boys pounced. (All the boys, that is, except for Pat which probably explains the crush.) (Oh, and also Ron, duh.) I don’t blame the crushes on anything except my novelty, but there were seriously 5 dudes on the case. At the time, I was like “Wow Ron, your friends are so nice,” which cracks me up in hindsight.

It’s weird, I should remember that as a sad time where a boy broke my heart, but I just remember the excitement and electricity, like that first week of high school where everyone had a crush on everyone and every single interaction was charged with meaning and hormones and the such.

This goes without saying but the title of my post applies to everyone involved.

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6 Comments

Filed under Love Stinks

6 responses to “Don’t Tell Him I Did This …

  1. Jess

    i’m so jealous… i wish boys would run away from me because they liked me… i mean, literally run way with a look of fear on their faces… in nerdy glasses… as a special bonus, I would also like them to trip over themselves.

  2. secretlystephie

    It was pretty fun in retrospect, but at the time I was so broken-hearted that no amount of crushes could cheer me up. It’s sort of like the miracle aspect of Wristcutters/Kneller’s Happy Campers, where miracles only happened when you were too sad to care anymore.

    And actually, one crush would’ve been cool, but all those crushes annoyed me because of that guy code (girls have this code, too) where you can’t date someone your friend likes. I got dumped twice by those dudes because of that code. Like, they all liked me but they all couldn’t date me? It was bullshit, actually. I call bullshit!

  3. Erin

    It must be hard to be so foxy.
    Also, my stupid ex-husband got my stupid name tattooed on his stupid arm for reals. I ended up seeing pictures of him and his then-girlfriend on MySpace (I SWEAR I did not go looking for them) and he had to wear a sweatband thing on his forearm to cover it up.
    Shithead.

  4. secretlystephie

    Hahahaha.
    And again, I blame all those crushes on the fact that I was the new girl in a group that rarely sees new girls – I think 5 crushes at once is a clue that it wasn’t for normal reasons. That never happens, except in Italy.

  5. Steev

    As Frank once said, you DID date every guy in St. Louis at some point…so these “chance encounters” shouldn’t be much of a surprise anymore.

    Also, this reminds me of that episode of The Office when Jim and Karen go to the big corporate party at David Wallace’s house, and Karen points out every guy that she has previously dated…only later to reveal that it was all a joke.
    I like that show.

  6. Secretlystephie

    That’s not what he said! He asked who I HAVEN’T dated. Answer: everyone who is not in the two groups of friends that you met, composed of, um, everyone I have ever dated.) I had to tell Justin about all those dudes, like, one at a time. Hahaha

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