Secrets Really Are No Fun

And secrets secrets hurt someone, et cetera et cetera.

But honestly, sometime secrets are best to be kept to yourself. Sometimes they’re more trouble than they’re worth. Sometimes if you can’t say something nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all. There are a lot of bad things that can happen when you share a secret, and a lot of reasons why some of them need to be kept:

– People will think you’re making it up.
– You’re not really that mad about it, even though you know you should be.
– It will make people sad.
– It will change the way they think about someone forever.
– It will change the way they think about you forever.
– It’s a fine line between something huge and nothing at all.
– It’s a fine line between crying wolf and crying foul.
– You never know when someone’s lying or when they’re telling the truth.
– Basically anyone you tell will blow it out of proportion.
– It might result in violence.
– It might result in lies about you.
– No one will understand why you forgive or why you did nothing, or both.
– You’ll look weak.
– You’ll look like a bitch.
– You’ll look like a liar.
– You’ll look like a drama queen.
– It makes you admit things to yourself that you didn’t want to believe.
– It makes you reevaluate everything that made you feel safe.
– It makes you reexamine everyone that you love.
– It’s probably your fault anyway, you big dope.
– It’s kind of… awkward? Gross?
– Whatever it is, it’s heavy. It hurts to hear.
– Again, it’s just sad. A big efffing bummer that you should keep to yourself.
– It sounds a million times worse than it actually is, even though it feels so much worse in your heart.

Sometimes you keep a secret for one of those reasons.
Sometimes you keep it for every single one of those reasons.

You can’t tell. You can’t tell anyone ever, but it’s the one thing that you NEED to tell someone. Maybe you’ll figure out who that person is someday.

I suppose the best thing I can do is write about why I can’t do anything else. And despite the weight of this stuff and the pessimistic way I’ve been feeling for a while, I truly truly can see a few good things that will come out of it all.

It’s made me see things I needed to change. And maybe, just maybe, if he sees himself in this then he’ll change things about himself. And he needs to remember, and he needs to know that I know. That’s all.

I am super fine and I don’t want anyone to worry. I just needed to get something out there, because while I respect other people’s secrets, I don’t have that many of my own. They eat away at me like a bad grudge. I like to share the happy ones and hash out the rest. I honestly don’t know what to even think about it. So I’m just thinking out loud.

Maybe the “someone” that the secret hurts is the person who has to keep it. It sucks that they have to exist at all.

There will definitely be a happy blog tomorrow. Because I really am happy and this year is still awesome, and for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

(This is not about my new roommate, for the record. He kicks ass.)

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